A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 5years now and i find kissing him totally disgusting. We used to make out all the time and i thoroughly enjoyed it but not anymore. I only find it cute on tv or reading about it but for us to do it i think about his not so good smelling breath and how slimy a kiss can get and it totally puts me off. When he tries to kiss me i purse my lips or turn my head to the side. Our sex has no passionate kisses in it. We dont stay together but he comes over every weekend. During the week i miss him and call him on the phone so very frequently over the smallest piece of news or just to say hi or just to get rid of my boredom if im bored. I look forward to the weekends but when he comes and he's all over me i get annoyed and tell myself next weekend he will not be here.I need some space and peace but of course during the week i miss him and look forward to his coming, for what exactly i dont know because i don't give him attention. I grab a nice book or watch tv,ignoring him completely in the process which doesn't please him. We have sex once or twice during the weekend when we used to have not less than sexual encounters per day. Now i just snap at him if he sees me as a sex object. He makes me orgasm whenever we have sex, but it's still no longer exciting and i fantasise about things that have nothing to do with him when we have sex. But honestly he's a nice person and makes amazing meals (chef by profession) and he is very supportive in every way possible way. Like i'm trying to lose weight. I've lost 50 pounds in the past 4months and have about another 70 to lose. He was still all over me at my highest weight and very much in love. My idea to stop being overweight wasnt prompted by him at all even though he is naturally slim. He compliments me how great i look now and will celebrate with me when i reach my goal weight as long as i'm happy. Even if i gain it all back, which he thinks is very likely since i haven't had kids yet, he says he wont change how he adores me.He is very sweet but i'm not giving my best in this relationship. Am i just going through a phase, or am I truly no longer attracted to him and have to let go?
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male
reader, lawncare  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 What I'm about to say isn't really advice and could be considered a radical or cynical analysis of your problem. However, I'll try and give a full account of my opinion and hopefully you will take it on board, even if you ultimately reject it. Here goes:
You are no longer attracted to him. This is likely for a number of reasons: i. it has run its course. ii. you resent him for liking you too much. iii. you are beginning to have visions of the kind of people you might get with when you weight 120lbs less and more people find you attractive.
This last point might sound like I am delving too deep in between the lines of what you have written. But it's not without basis: in 2011 & 2012 I lost approximately 100lbs and began to dream about the new avenues that might open up sexually and the more attractive women that may now be interested. I wanted better, and now you do too.
Your boyfriend sounds like a good person, albeit with some correctable flaws. So I understand your seeking advice. It shows that you can reflect on right and wrong and understand how you might inflict hurt. You are torn between what you want in your heart for yourself and hurting this person who has been good and yet what he offers is incompatible with your desires.
This is already manifesting itself in the way you behave in his presence and during sex. In your mind you're out of the door and you're willing your body to follow it. Even if you can't pluck up the courage for yourself to leave, don't you think he deserves better?
Problematically, if you continue investing in this relationship that apparently you have little interest in maintaining in a fair way, you will hurt him day by day as you continue to live a lie. Of course he won't see that immediately: he will be hurt and will feel betrayed. Of course you know this, which is why you haven't done it yet.
I personally don't see this is an issue of libido. Can you imagine yourself having sex with someone else, someone better-looking, someone whose hygiene is above reproach? You don't need to follow-up and let me know that, just take a good look at yourself and answer with truthfulness.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 I think losing weight quickly could affect your libido. I believe there could be a personality change too since you are getting rid of toxins and your cells are quickly replaced by new ones. Diet can play a role too. If you skip fats, even the good ones in order to stay slim, that could lower your libido. Things like chocolate, nuts, fatty meat, avocado have lots of fats but those are foods that make you happy also. I think he's a keeper so you shouldn't do anything drastic yet. Wait until your weight is finalized and stabilized. Then see if you can stick to a diet that works for you but also increases your libido.
You can give him breath mints before you kiss. Or ask him to go to a dentist if it has been a long time.
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