A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know whats happened today but it has been awful. We were just meant to be buying decorations for the tree but somehow we ended up angry with each other again. When we got home he sat on the laptop while I was decorating the tree. The baby was crying in the background so I stopped to look after her. He went upstairs in a huffy silence. I made dinner and fed the baby. I took her upstairs and he was having a nap. I told him it was his turn and went downstairs to finish decorating the tree. He came back down with her again, put on the tv and lay on the couch while she started crying again. He didn't even try to help, he didn't even seem to care that she was getting upset. He went back upstairs for another nap. I put the baby to bed. He came downstairs eventually to watch tv. I suffer from clinical depression and have other mental health problems. At this point I felt so stressed I had a panic attack. He carried on watching tv and ate a box of chocolates to himself while I lay there in a state of nervous collapse. After biting and clawing myself back into reality I ate dinner.He just went to bed again and now I'm typing this. Is it just me, or is there something wrong with this relationship? We have had a lot of problems recently ranging from an outside crush, questioning love, ignorance, sexual, history, religious, carelessness. I won't aportion blame on any of these right now but it feels like after only a year of living together (two and a half year relationship, one year old baby) we are struggling far too much. I know I can't cover the full scope of our (albeit short) relationship in this question but I would like your opinion as to whether you believe that this relationship is indeed doomed to failure or not. It's starting to feel like we're fighting a loosing battle nearly every single day. Should we really feel like this? Or should we call it a day?I feel so screwed up right now and I really don't want to. Please help...
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 It sounds to me like you both got in to a bit of a rut and now you are both arguing a lot and you are both suffering because of it. You mention you have had a lot of problems and without knowing what they are i cant give much advice on your back ground, however i can see that this is not a healthy enviornment for you, your partner or your baby and things do need to change. You need to ask yourself do you love this man unconditionally and do you want to be with him for the rest of your life? If you are in doubt over the answer to that question then i think you might need to seperate with your man and sort out your head and your life.
May i suggest that you sit down and ask him what he wants out of the future? If the both of you love each other and want this to work then i suggest that you both go to couples therapy. You can tell ther therapist all of the problems both of you have and they are confidential and there to help you so they will give you the best advice and tips on how to over come your problems and to deal with them head on. Good luck and all the best in the future.
A
female
reader, alexia846  +, writes (13 December 2010):
this is a toxic relationship, i was in it for five ears the same bullshit, i have clinical depression too, this man certainly does not care for you.. please do yourself a big favor and get out
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 What you have may be a prolonged postpartum blues and your boyfriend is affected by you. When you live together you are not separate beings anymore. You absorb each other's energy. When the boat sinks at least one person has to get the boat up and going again. Unluckily he fell weak and could not get out of this more than you do. Try to find that inner strength and don't rely heavily on your boyfriend. You are stronger than your emotions. Detach from the idea that in a relationship you have to be 100% into each other, having mind blowing orgasms at least twice a week, be 100% compatible in any way. That's not realistic. Be happy that you still get to celebrate Christmas with your loved ones. Have faith that one day you will recover. If he sees you going to the gym every week getting toned up he may be inspired to do the same. You need more than your boyfriend for the baby. It takes a village to raise a child if a babysitter is not financially possible, you can always arrange babysitting swapping with other couples. Right now just take it one day at a time.
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