A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I'm dating this guy for a month now, and I know I shouldn't be playing games but I like to make him jealouss with other men,like I make sure he knows of the men that flirt with me,or the men that have asked me out and I said no cuz I was seeing him!I feel like that would make him see I picked him over them and would not take me for granted!Is this a bad thing to do!?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 June 2013):
 Actually it will backfire in your face pretty badly. A man that KNOWS you picked him OVER others will relax and know he owns you.
It's game playing, it's childish, it's immature and it's wrong.
do you think he's taking you for granted now? why is that?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): That is an incredibly immature line of thinking.
If you want a man to "not take you for granted", then require him to do so. Be clear about what you want from your partner, the kind of relationship you want with a partner and to be treated with respect, love, trust and communication.
Don't play junior high school games with the man. All it will get you is finding a new relationship because that guy is not going to trust you or think you are committed to him.
Time to grow up and be in a grown up relationship.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (6 June 2013):
What you may succeed in doing is ruining such a new relationship as well as making him think you have loose morals or can't be trusted. You don't need to make him aware how lucky he is to be with you. He chose to date you did'nt he? So he's probably aware of your qualities. Stop doing this stuff as you'll embarrass yourself and make him doubtful of your commitment to this relationship.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 June 2013):
 If I didn't know you better, I would have thought you were trying to get rid of your boyfriend. The whole "make him jealous" thing with other guys will make him think you're easy and about to take him for a ride. If there's one thing guys hate, it's when women fling a man's feelings for them back in their face by flirting and talking about other guys.
Don't play games. Just enjoy the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (5 June 2013):
 Why would you want to make someone you supposedly care about feel an emotion as awful as jealousy? It's one of the most horrible feelings I can imagine. Do you like feeling jealousy? Would you think it was OK if he did things to deliberately make you feel jealous?
I don't think making him jealous is going to get him to pay you more attention. More likely is that he'll figure out that you're insecure and an attention-seeker and will lose interest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): Yes it's wrong, and you must think so to post a question about it. It is never a good thing to play with someone's feelings or to breach their trust. Trust is something that you earn, it is not given to you freely. A person is taking a serious risk with their feelings and they have forsaken other people to devote themselves to you exclusively. It is foolish to trust someone without going through a trial period. That means taking reasonable time before committing, to get to know your potential partner's values and strength in character. You do not invade their space and relax in their absence; knowing all is well, and they will return to you of their own free will. They'll dedicate their loyalty; because they are willing to earn your trust. That is because they can trust themselves, and are willing to trust you in return.This means you should be able to leave them alone; confidently knowing they will remain loyal and committed. Not because they fear your retaliation; but because they value your affection and your feelings. They validate you as a person and want to prove to you that they are devoted. Therefore, worthy of your love and attention.When you test a persons devotion as a game, you weaken their trust, devalue your character, and force them to reconsider you as a committed partner.Flirting with other men while in a relationship is also showing your partner that you do not respect him; and his feelings are not important to you. You presume you possess him; because he cares for you. You take his love and attraction for granted. The ultimate reward for your behavior will be getting dumped. Leaving him to find someone else willing to earn his trust, offer him love, and respect his feelings. The problem is, you'll break his heart before it all happens. Teasing and flirting with other men gives the false impression that you're available, maybe you play around on the side; or that your boyfriend is a fool. The targets of your flirtation may lose respect for you as a woman. You could get your boyfriend into an altercation or a fight.I recommend that you read up on "narcissistic behavior." Also how it affects people who are victims of this sort of behavior. Then stop and think of how you make him feel.If it doesn't bother you, then you may be a narcissist.Always consider the karma for your actions toward others. There are better ways to prove your love.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 June 2013):
 Is the real question "How do I get him to not take me for granted?"
How about trying this instead, don't be available all the time. Be busy with friends. You don't have to make up stories about other men.
Stop initiating all the contact between you two. If he doesn't call you, don't call him. Make him work a bit to spend time with you.
He's taking you for granted so change the perception. Your time is valuable. Your energy is worthwhile and people want to be with you. You have to squeeze him into your busy schedule and if he doesn't set up a date, well, then, too bad for him. Your social calendar is full.
You've only been dating him a month, though, you two should be in the fun courtship phase now. Is he distant and ignoring you? If he is, then don't waste time trying to make him jealous. He won't care. Honestly, he may throw up a bit of a fuss but if he's already absented himself from the relationship, there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it.
So no, don't play the jealousy game. Just be sure you are busy with your interests, your friends, your activities and that you are not available, on call within the hour to go see him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): Okay so your way of showing him that you've picked him is to constantly shove it in his face that you have other options and have other guys actively pursuing you that you can have any time you want?
One month you say? well good luck getting to two months.
Want to know what happens to me as a guy when a girl does that? She's a game player and playing me, so I demote her in my mind to sex only seeing as I can't trust her to deal with male attention in a mature way. She obviously will go to stupid lengths to make me jealous after only one month, who's to say she won't up the ante and get frisky with a guy when she figures out I'm not the type of guy to be jealous.
After one month she wants to throw it in my face that she's hot shit and has lots of dudes wanting to bone her?
Wouldn't make me jealous OP, it would make me lose respect for a woman so insecure she feels she needs to play games already after a month. Try to manipulate me into fulfilling her needs by making me a feel a horrible emotion such as jealousy instead of respecting me enough to just communicate those needs, worries, insecurities to me, so I can step up to the plate on my own and prove myself to her.
Is it a bad thing to do? No, not at all. It's great if you want to ensure a guy is insecure, or demote you to sex only, or maybe even it works and he becomes jealous, possessive and controlling, or ends up finding it really hard to trust you, or decides to play you at your game and start flirting mercilessly with hotter women than you.
nothing can go wrong OP, keep going. manipulation is the best way to have your needs met in a relationship, seriously, it's nothing but amazing.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 June 2013):
 Of course it's a bad thing to do, it's even a bad thing to do when you are in 7th grade.
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