A
female
age
41-50,
*ella74
writes:Please help :/ A little back story: I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and we have known each other and been friends for 12 years. He broke up with his gf of 1 year about 2 months before we progressed into a relationship and made things official. It was a bad breakup, and understandably he was upset, but taking the steps to move on. About 4 months into our relationship, he moved in with me. He has completely turned his life around, i.e. started school, got a new job, moved to the city after years of living at home to save money. Our relationship has always been effortless and wonderful because of the lack of expectation. He is the most wonderful, honest and hard-working man and I know that he loves me because he definitely shows me every day.That being said, I've recently become a little snoop and found things I didn't want to find. Though he never gave me reason to, I looked through his computer and his phone. I found a naked pic of his ex, and saw that they texted each other yesterday. I believe the pic was from long ago, but why does he still have it? And they haven't talked in months, and then out of the blue she texted him last night to tell him she needed to ask him something and to call her. When he didn't respond (he was at work) she said, 'never mind, I realized it doesn't matter'. What? Then why message him? And he of course responded asking if everything was ok, and then there was some stupid banter about a dream he'd had with her in it, to which she replied, 'we should make that happen sometime'. I trust and love my boyfriend, and know that this snooping thing, though only done once unprovoked, was wrong and I learned my lesson. But he never told me about her texting him (i think he thinks just hearing her name makes me uncomfy) and I know that I was sitting in the same room watching tv with him while they were texting. If I confront him, he'll know I invaded his privacy. If I don't, I have to sit and wonder and I know that could lead to more snooping and more distrust. What is he doing? Why is she trying to talk to him? What do I do? Any and all insights are very welcome!!!
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at work, broke up, his ex, living at home, money, move on, moved in, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Ok yes you where wrong to go snooping but you have done that now and you can't go back. It is horrible to find something that would put doubts in your mind, but I guess you only have two options now, you either put it to the back of your mind and try to move on from it. Was there anything said from his side that indicated he was being flirty or still interested in her? If there was well then I would go for option two and just tell him the truth. Tell him you came across the messages, apologise for looking and just ask him is there anything for you to worry about. It is up to you what option you take but they are the only two things I can think of.
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