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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a male friend who i have feelings for (wish i didn't), anyway, he has a girlfriend who he's been with about 9 months. I'm pretty sure he knows i like him as more than a friend and him being with her kills me. He flirts with me all the time and the last time i saw him he was very touchy, feely and said how hot he thought i was and almost ended up putting his hand down my jeans but we stopped. We had been drinking but weren't drunk. I know he's with somebody and i don't want to get in the way of that but he's making it very hard for me to be "just friends" as he said that's what he wants. He says sexual things a lot when we chat on msn etc... i told him to cut it out but he said it didn't count as cheating so it was ok, i don't agree. I'm just very confused and hurting badly. On his facebook status and things he's saying things like "has the best gf ever" then he's talking to me about wanting to see me naked and asking me to send a picture of myself to him, which i haven't and wouldn't. Do you think he cares for his gf as much as he makes out? When he first got with her he said he'd never cheat on her, i belived him, so that's why i met up with him and he was touching me etc... acting completely different to what he said. So, i guess my question or questions are: Can i really stay friends with him or should i just cut him out now before it gets any worse? Does he just like messing with my head? Anyway any help would be very helpful as this is getting too much for me. Thank you.
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drunk, facebook, flirt, has a girlfriend, msn Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood for you. I will try my best to do the same.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 It was difficult, because I felt so used and stupid. I just ignored him. Even tho he tried to call and talk to me. He just wanted me to accept he was in the right and go back to how we were.
So I just ignored him. Which was very difficult.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow did you get over him? Did he try and contact you again?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 September 2010):
Yes I did stop seeing him. I thought we were dating. I thought he was my boyfriend. Turns out I was very wrong, and all those things we were doing were just as "friends". Which also included a lot of intimate things.
He wasnt seeing anyone else, but his idea of "friendship" was very different to mine!
I blew up at him when I found out he was seeing someone else, whilst still doing all the intimate stuff with me - but to him it wasnt cheating, because we were not dating, just friends.
Dont be taken for a fool. This guy is a womaniser. You can do SO much better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo his name isn't Pete. What did you do in the end? Did you just stop seeing him?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 September 2010):
His name isnt Pete is it? Sound suspiciously like someone I used to know.
He is a womaniser. He has a girlfriend of 9 months, yet he is groping another woman and telling her she looks hot. And that is "behaving". What else does he think is ok behaviour behind his girlfriends back? Blow jobs and oral, because that isnt real sex now, is it?
He is a prat. I think you should just walk away and keep your dignity intact. He doesnt like you, he just wants you for one thing. You are worth more than this creep.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not too sure, not to be too graphic but he didn't undo my jeans he just started rubbing his hand between my legs when we were on the couch, and i didn't push him away but then again i didn't really encourage it either. He suddenly stopped and got up and said i should go, i stood by the front door for quite a bit because he kept hugging me and saying i should go but i "do look hot though". He text me when i was walking home and said he was glad we were friends and could behave. So obviously he thinks what he did was behaving because we never slept together so the other stuff doesn't count.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, when he tried the whole "hand down my pants" thing, i was at his place at the time when he'd just started going out with her, maybe been with her a couple of weeks at the time. He told me to leave as we'd end up having sex if i stayed, and he had the nerve to say "it wasn't fair on her if i stayed" after he'd just touched me! He also touched my boobs, a few weeks after that i asked him if he was just staying friends with me because he wanted sex, he said no and that i should trust him because we didn't sleep together but i said to him "you still touched my boobs etc..." and his answer was "can you blame me?!"
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice, i told him i couldn't be friends anymore as it wasn't fair on me, he didn't seem to understand why i couldn't be friends anymore.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Leave him alone. You are checking yourself into the Heartbreak Hotel. If he were really interested in you he'd drop his girlfriend in a nano second. And by the way, none of my guy FRIENDS ever tried to stick their hands down my pants or ask for a naked picture.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): You should cut him loose before things get any worse, this sounds like it could only lead to a complete train wreck. Not what you need. He might think he "loves" his gf but if he had any respect for her he wouldn't be doing what he is doing. If you were his gf and he was doing these things how would you feel about it? If he is going to do it to her after 9 months and he loves her so much, what makes you think he wouldn't if you two were together?
He probably thinks he can get something from you and that you would keep it a secret.
Don't let him use you.
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