A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This may be a little long,but hopefully people will still take the time to read it. A couple of months ago I had decided to start online dating. I was tired of being single,and being a single parent didn't allow me to go out and meet people in the real world a lot.After meeting 4 men from online,I became frustrated. They never seemed to be looking for what they said they were,and always turned out to be flakey and dishonest. During my final weeks on the website I had came across a VERY attractive single dads profile who was not more than 20 minutes from me. His profile was not long,but I liked what I read. I couldn't initiate anything though,because I felt 100% sure that he was way too good looking for me. I'm attractive,but to me this man was a 10,and I figured his type would be a perfect 10 woman. I told myself if he ever comes across my profile and contacts me then I'll talk,but other than that forget it. So I passed along and never said a word.A few days to a week later,he messaged me. We chatted back and forth for days. Eventually exchanged phone numbers and took it to texting,almost every day for the last month,up until we met about a week ago. A couple of times he mentioned the fact that he always initiates with me. I'm used to guys ignoring texts or just plain disappearing all together,so I guess I feared intitiating too much,but since he seems to care if I text him,I do initiate now.When we met I was more nervous than I'd ever been. The whole time getting ready to leave,and during the drive, until the time I met him..I was extremely nervous. But after meeting him,I felt there was something calming about him. We had a few drinks,we ate and we chatted. But not like a forced chat,more like a comfortable "I've known this person forever" chat. Any times of silence weren't uncomfortable,they were just...normal,like you'd have with anybody. His friends ended up showing up at the bar we were at,and we were playing pool at that time. They joined,and we played teams. Mister gorgeous was by my side 99% of the night. I had been worried he would care more about migling with his firends and would forget about me,but nope!After playing for awhile,it was getting late. I told him I was leaving,he walked me out and gave me a firm hug and a kiss(closed mouth). And asked if he would be seeing me again,which of course the answer was yes! I got a text on the way home thanking me for coming out,and that he hopes I wasn't dissapointed. I found it funny that a guy who looks like him and has such a nice personality could think ANYBODY could be dissapointed in him. I know I wasn't dissapointed in the least.We had some plans setup for a few days later,but he eneded up having to work. So we still planned to see each other,only it was after he got home which was in the evening. We hadn't really decided what we were going to do,but we both agreed before we aren't the types who are always out drinking. This time we agreed to just watch movies together. He stays in a hotel when he is here,because he works here 4 weeks and then goes back to his home state for 2 weeks with his kids. So I met him there,and we of couorse were on the same bed. But what is odd is he never made any move to touch me or kiss me or anything,for hours. It was kind of like a dance,and I know it sounds stupid. But it really was. We kind of just crept closer as the night wore on,like for example my feet touching his leg,and him moving his legs to cover my feet. Just little movements of leading and following.Eventually we were pretty well cuddled up. That started a whole new dance. We just layed there,touching each others face,neck and back mostly...very sensual and mind blowing,just exploring with touch,no words. This lasted for awhile. It was like an unspoken connection. He knew what I liked,and I knew what he liked. His body language was all I needed to go by. Eventually we had sex,but it was amazing sex. Not just the way it felt in a sexual way,but there was something else. Like every part of that night was a connection of more than just the body.Now 2 days later,and I still am struggling with my feelings of being less attractive than him. I'm scared that he's going to wake up and realize he can do so much better,or his friends will tell him how much better he could do. And I will be ancient history,before we even have a chance to flourish. I don't want to ruin this with my own feelings of doubt and anxiety. To be honest,I don't want anything to ruin this. Because I feel like it's something unusual that doesn't happen often. So I'm asking,do you think that it's normal for extremely good looking men to date a woman who is attractive,but more in a girl next door way? And do you think they tire of it quickly,and are more likely to cheat on a woman like this if they start a relationship with her? And how can I let these feelings of doubt go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): Thanks for the replies:) Theaboo,I do know he has been through some things and has met a lot of women such as you mnetioned,so maybe you're right.
The one who posted that it will become a self-fullfilling prophecy,I don't really think it is that bad. He doesn't know that I feel this way,nor do I plan to make an issue of it to him. And it's not really that I feel like I have low self esteem. I just feel like men who are super good looking normally go for the best looking women,it's what I've seen anyways. We click,and I have not had the best of luck lately and I'm hoping against all odds that this one will continue to develop into something great. I worry that my inner thoughts will somehow bring about a bad vibe though.
And the other anonymous reader,he has never been married to the mother of his children. I also did some research before just to make sure I was meeting who I thought I was,everything appeared to be kosher. But I beleive you trust what you're told when getting to know somebody unless they give you a reason not to,that is my personal belief.I wouldn't want somebody I'm dating thinking everything I say is a lie if they had no reason to think so. Thank you all so much for your input.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): Please do some research about him before you proceed any further in a relationship. It is possible he may still be married, or may be seeing other women.
Please discuss whether you are exclusive.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 If I were given that kind of attention by a very hot woman, I think I would read my copy of Carpe Diem and go for her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2011):
 yep I think it's normal. and i bet you under-estimate yourself...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 November 2011):
 You say he has kids, see what his ex-wife looks like. Maybe he really is looking for the girl next door.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): Okay,This is going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because of your own self-esteem issues, anxiety and insecurities you are going to lead to the downfall of whatever is blossoming between the two of you.Much sexier to a man, other than a physically attractive woman, is a woman who is CONFIDENT. Your job is to be confident, his job is to decide if you are attractive to him. Simply by the fact that he's wanting to see you, means he finds you attractive. IT IS THAT SIMPLE. Who knows, perhaps you are his complete ideal and he thinks that you are a 10/10? You're judging yourself very harshly and THAT is making you seem less attractive.My fiance dated a very pretty light skinned/brown hair/green eyed small breasted Mexican woman a few years ago. She would tell him over and over again that he should find a girl that is more attractive - someone that would be more his type (darker, black hair, brown eyes and VERY large breasts). She convinced herself that he would leave and cheat with a darker big breasted latina. She drove herself miserable, shut him out and fatigued the relationship with her insecurities. They ended up breaking up because of this. He walked away and never looked back. He ended up with me, someone even whiter/blonder than her! I'm a medium breasted, tall white girl with blond hair and blue eyes. I'm whiter than she was! That just shows just how important looks were to him. Now we're engaged and ready to start a family together.Her insecurities drove him away and straight into my life. So, i'm thankful for that! Very thankful! I might not be his 'ideal' latina girl; but he dotes on me and loves me. He got down on one knee not because of how I looked, but because of who I am. My looks will fade, I will never be a latina, but who I am, my values and our chemistry will last. Obviously I must be very beautiful to him, he wants to see me everyday for the rest of my life! Had she not driven him away, perhaps it would have been her he would have wanted as his wife.You really need to shift your thinking. Otherwise you'll just force the end of something special. Some other woman will end up happily ever after with him. Who are you to say what he finds attractive. For all you know you might be drop dead gorgeous to him or he simply values who you are and how you make him feel (your chemistry together) over things as trivial as looks.You need to keep this to yourself. Go to counseling and deal with your insecurities through an objective third party. Don't create problems where there are none! Otherwise you'll end up alone with no loving man to come home to.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (28 November 2011):
 If that was what he was looking for, he would have found it already. Don't worry he is initiating, that means he is interested in you. Other than going to far too soon Everything looks good to me.
Believe me though men are visually wired, after the first hour it's what's inside that counts.
FA
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A
female
reader, theaboo +, writes (28 November 2011):
 Oh my goodness, girl! Relax! He has his own baggage and he's probably been hurt before, just like you. Just becuase he's gorgeous doesn't mean he thinks he's too good for you, or that he ever will. He has probably already dated women as attractive as he is and found that they are shallow, or untrustworthy, or fake or whatever. Plus, you don't know that "girl next door" isn't his type! You might be the most attractive woman in the world to him, just becuase he's super hot doesn't mean he has some ridiculous way high bar set.
From experience let me tell you, the more confident you are, the hotter he'll find you. It doesn't matter if you're a size 4 or 14, if you have traditional good looks or are "pretty in your own way", the more you love your body & look, the more he will.
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