A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a man who is 23 and I am 31, I am divorced with 3 kids and he has never been married and has no kids. We both know this is not the ideal situation and neither expected this to last but after 2 years we are very much in love and can even see a future together. Our problem is his mother who hates me, she has sent me emails physically threatening me, she has tried (successfully to a point) to smear my name by calling me names to anyone who will listen and by refusing to acknowledge me as his girlfriend, instead refering to me as just his sex buddy (that's a nice term for what she has actually called me), she has written terrible posts about me on her facebook page and has forbidden me to go to holidays (which aren't even at her house) and threatens to leave as soon as I get there if I were to show up. The rest of the family (including his father)adores me and we often are invited to do things with them, they all disagree with her but are scared to say so because they don't want her mad at them. She will still send my boyfriend texts telling him he needs to make sure to brush his teeth and shower before work and wants to be involved in every single aspect of his life. She gets upset when he does things with me and says she feels like he is pulling away from her and apparently doesn't see the connection between her actions and what is happenening. She has known me for a long time and prior to him and I dating she was very nice to me and we even played cards and games together, (I am close with her family and was often at family functions before this happened) Please help, I don't know what to do or what my boyfriend needs to do. He has tried talking to her but she will not listen and doesn't care what he says, she will only say that she hates me because she assumes I do not want more kids and says she wants grandkids.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 ChaliceODamnation is the girl. I fully agree with her, except in the counselling. He just needs to wear his pants.
I bet his ass (not mine, just in case) the mother will object to that just as much.
A
female
reader, theaboo  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 The truth is that the issue isn't you at all. She doesn't like what her son is doing, and it isn't personal against you. Your boyfriend needs to stand up to his mother if he feels that strongly about you. I was with my ex for 6 years and my parents hated him. They couldn't give me a reason, just that I was "too good for him". It ended up being really that they wanted me to focus on college and my life, not having a boyfriend. It wasn't his fault that I was more interested in my relationship than I was in school, but my parents saw him as a bad influence for that reason. I stood with my ex against my parents, saying that I loved him and it was none of their business... and they didn't disown me in the end. He always appreciated that I did that, it made us stronger. Your boyfriend is old enough that he doesn't have to go to his mom's for thanksgiving and holidays, he should be celebrating it with your family if yall are that serious. I'm sure his mother just doesn't want to let her baby go. Whether or not she wants grandchildren is selfish and truthfully irrelevant to the situation. Your boyfriend has a right to decide if he wants kids no matter if he's with you or not, so her grandkid argument is not applicable. Your boyfriend needs to stand up to his mother, and if he won't, he isn't that serious about you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): She is just a pathetic, controlling, abusive woman that possibly has been living with a disorder that was left untreated.I say you and the BF head to counselling ASAP so BF can see just how toxic and controlling his Mother is.He'll need to get strong and together, you both can make a plan on how to cope with her crap and cut her out of your lives as much as you can.Seriously, she shouldn't be texting the BF- give me a break, or calling him. Thats her Husbands job to be her emotional Friend and Go To for Comfort, not son.I smell emotional incest going on which is a form of abuse.You want HELP, enlist a counsellor because Son is USED to this abusive manipulative fear instilling woman. He doesn't truly understand what a healthy, loving Mother should be like let alone how to manage and recover from her abuse.You'll want to nip all of this in the bud immediately.
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