A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend who is three years older than me, I'm 18. He has two kids aged 3 and 4, both from different mothers. We have been together for over six months and I have been introduced to the children. I have bonded a lot more with the four year old, due to the 3 year olds mother not approving of him introducing his relationships. About three times now I have caught him talking to other women, he shares that nothing has ever happened and that it was stupid flirting. However about a week ago, I saw he had been messaging the three year olds mother, telling her that he loved her and that he couldn't live without her. I questioned him and he said she had found out about me and had stopped him from seeing his child. He said if she thought he liked her she would be more likely to let him see his baby, but she didn't do this. Now he says nothing ever happened and that he hasn't spoken to her, but I find it really hard to believe him, and I don't want to be taken as a fool. what if he has been seeing her all along, what if there are other girls? I'm getting to the point where if I ask any more questions he will think I can't trust him, and as he has already said there is no relationship without trust, but I really do love him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 February 2015):
 What Honeypie said.
1. a man of 21 has two children a year apart in age with two different women... so it's probable that he was having intimate relationships with both the moms AT THE SAME TIME
the fact that at 6 months in he has had you meet the children does not mean he's serious about you it's just ONE MORE item to prove his BAD judgement (impregnating two women a year apart at ages 16/17 is bad judgement) NOT considering your children's emotional health by not waiting till you are serious with someone to bring them into their world is immature, inconsiderate and selfish...
the ONLY person this boyfriend of yours thinks about is himself. YOU are just the accessory du jour... as long as you take his mistreatment and accept his lies and look the other way he'll keep you on the string he has you on.
Yes this is painful to hear and I know you are sitting there saying "not me it's DIFFERENT with me"
in what way?
Go ahead and ask your questions... YOU DON'T TRUST HIM with good reason. BTW if he gets defensive it's usually a sign that he's been caught at something he does not want to be caught at.
You say you really do love HIM... but do you?
list all the things about him currently that are true that you love. It can be "I love that he brushes his teeth three times a day"
DO NOT list things you THINK are true or that you want. "I love that he's a responsible parent" is not true. He is NOT a responsible parent. Is he paying child support to these women for his children???
then on the other side list all the things that are wrong....
Then consider if you love HIM as he is (immature, selfish, irresponsible, untrustworthy) or if you love his POTENTIAL.
never love a man's potential.
Also child support and visitation are handled by the courts... the mother cannot say he can't see his child if there is a court order for it... and if she does she is in contempt. his saying she won't let him see his kids is a smoke screen... and he's buying into it.
EVEN if he is telling you the truth (which i strongly doubt) the fact that he thinks saying to his ex that he loves her when he doesn't is wrong on several levels.
(he's lying and manipulating HER or you... either way he's lying and manipulating)
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (5 February 2015):
 I am in 100% agreement with Honeypie. I wouldn't ordinarily judge people, but to have two kids from two different relationships, without being married to either, and so close together, without any consideration for those children (just like the women he was with).
He wants what he wants, the way he wants it, if you want to be baby mama #3 and/or permanently treated the same way he's treating you now, stay with him....
I'm a year older than you, so I'm pretty sure I know how you're feeling, but I seriously don't think you should stick around.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2015):
 The fact that he, at 21!! has two kids by two mothers DOES tell you something. 1. he isn't very thoughtful about contraception. 2. He isn't really considering how his ACTIONS affect others. 3. He is a bit immature.
MOST guy would LEARN after the FIRST pregnancy at 16/17, to take WAY better care, that another pregnancy doesn't happen UNLESS you want it too. And IF he at 17/18 WANTS to put children into this world he IS immature.
That aside, he is taking you for a ride. You have ALREADY caught him "chatting" with other girls, he DISMISSED YOU and his behavior as "stupid flirting"... What it REALLY is, is LACK of respect for you, your relationship and the other girls he chats up.
If baby-momma #2 thinks she still has a chance with him, well then no wonder she resents you. She sees YOU as the problem as to WHY they aren't together. YOU see HER as the problem with your BF - when BOTH of you young ladies should LOOK at his actions and see how he PLAYS everyone to get what HE WANTS.
I'm sorry at 18, I don't understand why you bother with this fella. There is ALREADY way too much drama and baggage that YOU don't NEED in a early relationships.
If you DON'T want him talking and chatting up other girls you really only have one option, LET HIM GO. Because he isn't going to stop for you. He isn't going to change.
LEGALLY the baby-momma can't keep his child from him. It's bull crap. He is USING his CHILD as an excuse as to WHY he is sweet talking the momma, and you are eating it up, because that is WHAT you WANT to hear. Instead of him just being a piss-poor BF and an asshat to boot.
Sorry, honey.. you need to accept you can DO soooo much better then this dude.
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