| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: ok, some advice please. i'm 19 yo male currently at home for summer from uni. At home is my mum who is single and divorced and my younger brother 15. Last night we had a party at the house for my mums 46th birthday. About 25 people came and it was a great time. BUT, today a good friend of mine from schooldays and who was at the party has told me that another mutual friend of ours told him this morning that he and my mum had done stuff last night, specifically that they had kissed and then she took him into the bathroom locked the door and wanked him off.He said he really fancies my mum and wants full sex with her.(my mum keeps herself in shape and can pass for ten years younger) Being told all this makes me feel really weird and angry but i'm glad my friend told me even though he had been sworn to secrecy. So whats the best i can do? If i confront this guy its obvious my other friend blabbed to me, so i'll be dropping him in it. Do i ask my mum? but i feel very awkward about doing that, i'm not even sure if its true what this guy said, maybe hes just bragging i don't know but after thinking back to last night they were both absent for a time. Maybe it is true and my mum would deny it, maybe she does want to see him. I know shes not had a relationship since my dad left but i dont want her f*cking my 20 yo so called "friend" its just wrong and it will drive me nuts!! please help me out what should i do? the way i feel right now doing nothing is not an option!
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): I already replied once suggesting you to wait until you calm down. I want to add that my opinion will be the same if it is your dad with a 20 year old girl. I am from a different culture and it is not a big deal for an old man to marry a young girl here. Usually the double standard is against women in my place. Can you see both cultures are wrong and hung up in this issue? Societies have weird ideas about things related to sex... ideas which have no logical basis. Think well and you might understand that you don't need to feel embarrassed about it at all, that is assuming your mom really did that.
A
female
reader, AshamedMD  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 This is really a tough question. I def see your side of the situation but you should realize your mother is grown and thoroughly capable of making her own decisions. Maybe the best bet would be to just ignore the current accusations going on, and just make a round the way comment to mom suggesting she cougar hunt in another field and your friends are off limits? This way you dont have to find out the truth either way, mom knows you would not be comfortable with you dating her friends and you all live happily ever after? Another thing to take into account, you said yourself this was a party... maybe mom drank one to many and regrets what happened and wishes to never hear of it again? Hmmm... I say let it go for now and address it if it continues to be a problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 July 2012):
I can understand you being upset and angry but this guy had no right to tell your friend that whether its true or not.if he was mature he would see why you would find it embarrassing. do you think you could confront your mum and say there are these rumours flying around? you dont have to get into specifics but you could just say that this guy is telling people that they were ''romantic'' at her party. it could have been a drunken mistake on your mums part, if so she will surely not repeat it again. I would go to her first as you will more likely get the truth from her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaugh it off?? No wonder society is disintegrating with opinions like that. Like i said before if it was my dad going with a 20 yo girl then the replies would be "dirty old man", "pervert", "sexual predator" etc etc, but because its my mum instead then thats ok, WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? whats the difference???? Double standards. Thats the difference.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 OP, you reflect your age when you make sarcastic remarks to those of us who do our best, in the light of our greater experience, to help you and answer the questions you sought advice for.
Sniping at us is not in the spirit of this site.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): I think your friend is lying.anyway she is entitled to her life as you are entitled to yours. If I were you I wouldn't give it much thought.Although I don't condone what she has done, that is if it is true, but she must be very lonely and your friend must have encouraged her somehow. it sounds like the story of a soucey film. just laugh it off.that is all.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): Don't be hating on people who tell you not to do anything. You make it sound like they are not ready to help you. Actually, they are trying to help you by telling you what they think as the best thing to do in your situation.
You have said "the way i feel right now doing nothing is not an option!"
That is one of the main issues you have. The way you feel now. You may feel very differently after you act upon it and regret it but then you would not be able to do anything about it. You are very young and that is why you feel the way you do. I can understand how it can be embarrassing for you but I think the friend who told you about is the one at fault here. To me it doesn't seem like the other guy is not bragging or trying to make fun of you or any such thing. He too is young and he might have wanted to tell someone about his experience. He did tell your friend not to tell others about it right?
Confronting your mom about this may go anyway. You might really hurt yourself and your mom by doing so. Or it might turn out alright. You don't know. So I would suggest to wait until you calm down and take a decision with a clear mind, not with a mind confused with emotions.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Cerberus, thats exactly what i've been thinking and feeling. Hugh J and everyone else let me give YOU lot some advice......There are 3 types of people in the world, those who grab the situation and get stuck in, those who pretend not to see it and look away, and those who don't stick around at all. You can decide which of the latter 2 categories you are in.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): Just to add OP, when you do eventually deal with that guy, you can quite simply say it was your mother how "confessed" to you.
If she says it's not true then he's just an idiot and a pathetic liar.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 July 2012):
 **I somehow dont think they would be the same if it was a 46 yo man with a 20 yo girl. anyways thnx***
Of course not, it's your MOM! But all in all the age isn't the big thing here, the thing is that your mom should have better judgement (IF and only IF she did this).
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): Actually no OP, this isn't just HER business. This directly effects you as you're the one that has become the laughing stock as this dude parades around being whacked off by your mother as some kind of trophy and as her son you can ask her about that. She doesn't get a free pass to wank off your friends and then retain her privacy on the matter as she's a 46 year old woman and knows this kind of thing would get around. Plus he's a friend OP, that to me is out of bounds.
OP it's not none of your business, it's a friend and your mother and it's getting around now.
If you can't talk to your own mother about the things that bother you then who can you talk to?
Of course she can do what she wants with her life, but wanking off one of your friends at a party shows a distinct lack of regard for how that will effect you when the guy goes around boasting.
I don't understand anyone who tells you to let this slide, this isn't just some random guy OP this is a friend whose relationship with you may be spoiled by this.
Is what she did morally wrong? No but it was very stupid and people who tell you to respect her privacy? Hello! This dude is already spilling all the details of what happened and this is now going around his social circle.
OP you need to deal with this, to set your mind at ease.
Just ask your mam if it did happen, tell her its not on because it's now going around your group of friends and people are laughing at you for it.
Talk to her and find out what she says. Screw that friend he's either a liar or a big mouthed prick, you'll know how to deal with him when you find out from your mom what the deal is.
You're a grown man and she's a grown woman, you can talk to her about sex stuff, she doesn't have to tell you, but her privacy is already ruined as you already heard all the details.
OP those who have told you stay out of it are forgetting one thing, this is your mother, regardless of her needs it is her duty to protect you from things and social humiliation on this scale is one of those things.
As for the other guy I can't advise you on what to do with him or what I would, because I can't morally nor legally advise that kind of thing. All I can say is that you need to find out whether he's liar or big mouthed betrayer.
If you're like me OP then doing nothing is the worst possible solution here because there will be night you meet him drunk and all best are off then dude. Better to deal with this now, sober and calmly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 July 2012):
 I think you should talk to your mom. Tell her that this is what you heard and its really bothering you. At least you know where you stand. If she really has done something like that then she should know better and at least try to keep her sex life away from your face and be discreet about it. If not, then you know your friend is bragging and talking rubbish and you don't need to pay any heed to such idiots. Either way you don't need to bother about the guy but at least have your mind cleared of your doubt
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 July 2012):
Talk about AWKWARD!
On one side I want to say she is old enough to do what she wants, but.. sexual favors for someone who is YOUR friend is a little... icky. But honestly, she can f*ck whomever she wants. She is a grown woman.
Maybe nothing happened and he wanted it to happen hence the bragging, pretty sure he didn't think you would actually ask your mom.
Do you really NEED to know? IF the answer is yes, I would just say:" mom this is awkward, so and so bragged about an episode in the bathroom with you." I know you can do as you please, but please not my friends.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies. I somehow dont think they would be the same if it was a 46 yo man with a 20 yo girl. anyways thnx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): The 'best you can do' is stay out of your mum's sex life.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (21 July 2012):
Doing nothing IS an option! It's actually none of your business what two consenting adults do, regardless.
It's her choice and who are you to spoil her enjoyment, however much you dislike the situation.
As you have already stated, she is single and a free agent...
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 July 2012):
 I think that THIS is the crux of your submittal: "...its just wrong and it will drive me nuts!! please help me out what should i do? the way i feel right now doing nothing is not an option!"
Calm down....and consider that maybe - just maybe - is ONLY your Mother's business.... and she is capable of determining if "its just wrong"... and you can and should keep your moralistic judgements to yourself....
YES... you should do "nothing".... and, if your Mother wants to talk to you about the subject, then let HER bring it up.... Meanwhile, YOU focus your mental energy and attention on something - ANYTHING - else except your Mom...
Good luck....
...............................
|
