A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why is my boyfriend pressuring me to live with him?. My boyfriend is going to be evicted from his house in a couple of months, if he hasn't found another place by then. he said either he will go and live with one of his friends, before the eviction date, or he will live with his friend after the eviction date, if he hasn't found another place of his own that he can rent, but also, he has been saying that he wants me to move in with him in a new place. He said he will break up with me if I don't move in with him. Is he pressuring me, and is he right to do that?. Is he just asking me that because he wants to scrounge off me, or is he asking me that because he actually wants to be with me all the time?. I'm really stressed out thinking about him being evicted. His friends don't live in the same town as us,and the town they live in isn't very close, so we will see each other less if he lives there. I don't think he would live there forever. He might stay there for a while, but still try to find a place here. I'm not sure though. . Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 March 2014):
 RUN! RUN! RUN!! Break up with him RIGHT NOW!!!!!
You're how old??? By your age, you know better than to take this crap from a guy. He sucks with money, so he's getting evicted. He threatened you with breaking up if you don't let him use you to be his ticket out of this. What kind of boyfriend does that? I'll tell you: No real man would ever do that.
Break up with him now for even making that threat. That is one of the biggest and clearest red flags about his character that you can possibly get, and ignoring it would be like running up to a hungry lion and screaming "EAT ME!".
That man is disgusting. Let him go sponge off of his friends. I take it he has no job now if he's being so flippant about moving out of town?
Seriously, you can do much better than this, and at your age, you should have been around the block more than to let anyone treat you like this. You're not some blushing teenager out to scrounge "bad boys".
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (17 March 2014):
 Just curious and this really won't change my answer either way, but has your boyfriend threatened to leave his friends if they don't take him in?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (17 March 2014):
As soon as I read the second sentence of this post I had this guy summed up, as, I'm sure, did everyone else here.
Scrounging is precisely the reason he wants to live with you. He needs a place to stay and he knows that his guy friends can't be duped into supporting him with vague promises of a future together. They'll tolerate a lot less than you will and they won't be cooking for him, cleaning up after him, washing his clothes and paying his way while he spends what money he has on himself.
Good tenants are hard to find and landlords have nothing to gain by tossing them out. Your boyfriend is facing eviction because of his work ethic or his spending habits (or both) and those are problems you don't need.
On top of all this he's threatened to leave you if you don't take him in. Don't wait for him to break up with you and don't buy any of his trite apologies or weak excuses. Dump him and don't look back.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 March 2014):
 I think the situation is crystal-clear. You say that he is going to be evicted "in a couple of months." WHY???? Does he not pay his rent? Is his place being sold? Is he such a noisy/slobby/inconsiderate tenant that his landlord doesn't want him in his (landlord's) place????
NONE of that bodes well for - or describes - a responsible adult man.
His plea to you (to move in together) is his way of leveraging YOU to be his rent-payer.. AND the go-between 'twixt him and a lessor.... WHY would you take that position (and responsibility) when you KNOW this guy is pretty irresponsible (and immature)????
Moving in together, so often is a nightmare for the woman. I almost-always recommend against it.... since it puts the lady in the position of supplying regular $ex to an undeserving guy... whilest, at the same time, putting HER in the position of experiencing the greater angst if/when the inevitable break-up occurs..... (Guys can walk away from such an arrangement with a barely-audible "Ho-hum....")
Stay by yourself, stay away from this guy, and have a nice life....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 March 2014):
 I will pretty much echo what Auntie BimBim said.
He is looking to sponge of you.
He is TRYING to force the decisions, he think you are MORE scared of being alone then having him sponge of you.
He is using BLACKMAIL tactics to get you to say yes. If you say no the relationship is over. IF you say no he will move in with a friend who lives so far that the relationship will b a LDR more or less.
IF he wanted to LIVE with you he would have ASKED you, not DEMANDED it and he would have asked before getting an eviction notice.
He knows what he is doing.
There is a reason why you two don't live together now.
The reason you post your question is because you have seen the writing on the wall. The guy wants YOU to take care of him and if you don't...... he is gone.
Honestly, I can't see why you won't rather be single then having your "bf" give you unfair ultimatums.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2014): He's emotionally blackmailing you.
He's trying to make you feel responsible for sorting him out and this is why you are stressed.
A man like this will rarely change. He will simply keep manipulating you to provide for him one way or another.
Don't fall for it or you will, quite literally, get sucked in further and waste your life being bled dry emotionally and psychologically by him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 March 2014):
 oh ho! He will break up with you if you don't move in with him, I would consider that some form of blackmail.
You ask, is he pressuring you, the answer is YES!
You also ask if he is right to do that, the answer is NO!
You ask if he is wanting to scrounge, the answer is YES!
You ask if it is because he wants to be with you, all the time, the answer is NO, and the reason I say this is because if he wanted to be with you all the time, he would have been discussing it with you BEFORE he learnt he was going to be evicted.
He has several months, that is long enough to get his bond together and find a new place of his own. Don't fall for his blackmailing BS.
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A
female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (17 March 2014):
 This sounds like a painful predicament. The red flag is the fact of him threatening to break up with you for not moving in with him. Sometimes when one person wants to take things to the next level, he or she will give an ultimatum like that. Some part of you, your intuition, is saying to you that he is manipulating you because he needs assistance and his desire to live with you is less about wanting a true domestic partnership than wanting convenience and not wanting to move away. Being evicted indicates a lack of financial responsibility. I wonder why he can't pay his rent or bills? Or is there a behavioral issue such as having loud parties or property destruction that is working against him having a stable living situation? Trust your gut. Maybe this guy is not ready to be responsible. Moving in together is a huge step and you are well within your rights to want to wait until you are sure he is the one for you, the one you want to spend your life with. Do you see him as someone who would be responsible for you if you became sick and could not work? Does he treat you with respect? Does he work? Is he reliable? Ask yourself what you want in a mate and whether he has those qualities. If you move in together, it could be a difficult time for you in the future. You are wise to ask for advice on this and carefully consider your situation. Best of luck!
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