A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my partner are both 24, we've been together for 5 years. For the past few months, he wont have sex with me, I try to touch him but he'll push me away, say he's tired, make excuses like 'it's too early' 'later' and he has a headache. I've told him how it makes me feel, and he promises it will change but it never does. apart from that the relationship is good, he's constantly telling me how he loves me and how beautiful I am and he couldn't live without me , I can't understand how when a woman tells her boyfriend he's not satisfying her, he would sit back and do nothing. it's affected our whole relationship. I've tried everything from dressing up, pictures, and everything else. We used to have a great sex life and he used to comment on just how great it was. I've thought everything from another woman, to going off me. When I mention this he laughs and tells me not to be silly, he's simply just tired from his job. The thing is, he admitted that he does masturbate, so basically he's too tired to ever have sex with me, yet he masturbates when i'm away from him. In his words 'It's completely different, masturbation takes 5 minutes' I feel like I can't be with him any more because I constantly feel rejected. Any advice would be great, thank you.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 March 2014):
 Did you say "A few months"?? He was having sex with you but has now gone off it, so you haven't had sex for a few **months**??
This could be a few things. He could have someone else. He could have developed a porn addiction. Did you two have an episode where he had impotence as one of your last sexual encounters??
He could be stressed out and become lazy, because as he said, it's easy to rub one off in the shower and so he feels he'd rather do that than make any sort of real effort.
If you don't live together, this is what you do. Stop calling. Stop texting. Stop being online. Become very difficult to get together with or get in contact with. When he calls, limit it to 5 minutes and then tell him you need to get going. Don't go on dates. Don't be there 24/7. Give that a couple of weeks, and if you haven't seen him all of a sudden take a HUGE interest in you, then you know he's gone off of you and then you should put the relationship into the coffin.
However, if he gets freaked and goes chasing after you, then continue to make him chase you. In short, if he gives action to his lip service, he'll realize that you're not to be taken for granted.
If you DO live together, then that's a different thing. You need to move out. In the meantime, get some girlfriends and go clubbing. Go have fun! Go on girl's nights out. Go out on the town! If you both have a kid, then make him watch him or her while you take a break and have fun. Be distracted. Be distant. Start dressing up. Start dressing to the nines. He'll wonder why.
The point is - he is taking you for granted, and you need to press the issue to see if he would care if you were in his life. I'm guessing your relationship has gotten stale and he's either got someone else, or he's taking you for granted. Either way, he'll get a reality check, because to lazy guys like him, he needs to think you're on your way *OUT*.
For both approaches to work, you have to NOT initiate sex. Not once. Don't even appear interested. If he makes a half-hearted attempt, don't go for it. If he makes a GOOD attempt, like taking you out on a date or cooking a candlelight dinner or doing something really romantic, then you need to turn on the serious fire, kiss him like you've never kissed him before. Give him an expert level blowjob, the kind that makes him shoot 15 feet for about 30 seconds while making those really weird "O" faces (sorry if I'm being graphic), have sex in a new position, something like that, and then get distant again when the night is over. Right now, you're way too familiar and accessible.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2014): Maybe it's because you initiate so much that he doesn't want it? Guys' brains work in silly ways. He probably wants to feel like he earned it and wants to feel the pleasure of the "hunt" again. I don't really agree with some of the aunts below that say to cut off your relationship, but they are right: the spark is gone. Disappear for a while, say you want a break. Make him miss you. Be clear that you still love him but somehow make him feel that things between you are actually in trouble. If there's a situation where you can -show- not just say that the relationship's in trouble, then you can really judge if your boyfriend is really into you or not. Other than that he just sounds super lazy, you've made him accustomed to you. A guy should never feel like he's accustomed to anyone in a relationship. Make him work for it, in other words.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 March 2014):
 Tell him what you have told us "I feel like I can't be with him any more because I constantly feel rejected".
Ask him if that is what he wants, tell him to be honest with you. If he doesn't want to break up he needs to demonstrate that, actions speak louder than words, and the first port of call should be a visit (TOGETHER) to a family planning clinic or your GP.
If there is nothing physically wrong with him, some counselling (FOR COUPLES) would be next on the list.
Set yourself a time limit, so that you know how long you are prepared to tolerate living like this, unhappy and rejected. If nothing changes within your time frame, NOT HIS, he is not the one who is miserable and feeling rejected, life was not meant to be lived like that.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, brock24 +, writes (17 March 2014):
 If you are telling him how you feel and he is still not understanding or maybe just not caring. You should really think to yourself if its worth it to continue on in the relationship. There is only so much rejection a person can take and it sounds like you've hit your limit.
Best of luck!!!
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A
female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (17 March 2014):
 I am sorry you are dealing with this. He still has a sex drive and is capable of achieving an erection and ejaculating, so it is not a physical issue. For some reason he is not wanting to be intimate. The spark is gone, perhaps, but you are familiar with each other, practically like family, and a breakup would be emotionally painful for both of you. You may want to end the relationship or take a break from it or move out and explore other options unless the two of you can resolve this. Sex is an important part of a young relationship and a very human, normal need and there is nothing lonelier than being rejected by your live-in partner whenever you ask for sex and intimacy. I was in a relationship with a man a while back and after we were living together a few months, I stopped wanting sex with him. It was a deeper issue. I did not want to end the relationship because I was emotionally dependent on him and change is hard. I did end up leaving him. My relationships since then have been sexually awesome, so it was not that I did not want sex, it was that I did not want sex with him. Perhaps in your case and for the sake of your dignity, you should go ahead and initiate a breakup so you don't end up feeling even more rejected in the future. I sincerely wish you all the best. You are very young, so you have time to meet someone amazing for you. Breaking up and moving forward is painful but do not lose your hope and optimism. Stay strong, be honest with yourself and him, be ready for a major growth spurt however it turns out.
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