A
female
age
41-50,
*aisy_Daisy
writes:I got in to a situation with a guy from an internet dating site. I am there to meet with guys to eventually find a boyfriend, and this guy was quite clear from the start that he was just out of a relationship and was looking for "a lover". I thought "OK", I am only human, been single for a while, could try the uncomplicated thing with him. So I met up with him twice over the course of several months. Between times we'd flirt but would have periods of a couple of weeks where there was no contact. I wasn't bothered - he lives 90 minutes away and we both work shifts which never seemed to match. After the second time I saw him, he started talking about threesomes. Then he started going on and on and on about it. Specifically, about having sex with me and another woman (any woman, it seemed). Now, I don't think I'm a prude but this just turns me off straight away. I explained that I am not bisexual. I explained that I wouldn't be comfortable, let alone aroused. I eventually asked him (told him firmly, actually) that he must never bring it up again, after he told me that there was something wrong with my mind for not being willing to try this. So last night I get a text from him telling me he is back with his girlfriend and they want to have a threesome with me. Well! I replied "f**k off" and then relented a bit and tried to explain again why I am not interested. It ended in tears (mine - don't know why I should cry over this and maybe that's why I am writing this....). I won't hear from him again and that will be a relief but it got me thinking: it seems so wrong for him to effectively try to bully me into a threesome. He told me he didn't want to get back with his ex g/f but now he's back with her and he says she's "OK" with having a threesome. I wonder how desperate she was to have him back to agree with this? Not my problem I know. The whole thing left me feeling a little shaken and upset, maybe because what little it was ended suddenly and with bad feeling, maybe I feel rejected (though I wasn't that interested really - just enjoyed some flattery) or maybe I feel bullied and used. The guy is obsessed with three way sex by the way, has gone on about it incessantly. He has other obsessions though these seem fairly harmless, e.g. removal of body hair, and all his clothes being one specific brand - oh and a tattoo of that brands logo on his arm. The more I write, the more I realise what a prat he is and how silly I am for getting myself upset about it!! Has anyone else experienced anything similar?If you answer.. please be gentle. I'm feeling a little fragile...
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bullied, flirt, his ex, period, tattoo, text, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 May 2012):
Daisy_Daisy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ladies, thanks so much for your replies. I agree, I think he's badgered his g/f into a threesome. I feel sorry for her. He is the one with the bad/ wrong mind. I gave him hell for saying that to me by the way (having a bad mind). I told him he should never, ever pressurise anyone in to doing something they are not comfortable with. He didn't like it. In fact I am really surprised that he came back and asked me *again*. His text started with "I know I'm not allowed to talk to you about 3somes, but....."!!!Schrondingerscat - thanks for your input. I've used internet dating site for ages but clearly need a boot up the behind! I was messaging a seemingly nice guy a few nights ago (the night before this last incident actually) and he asked to exchange secrets with me (red flag?!). I said I had a bit of my ear (tragus) pierced. He then told me... he'd had a threesome with an ex 5 years ago (what is it with bloody threesomes!!). I followed my gut instincts and gut the conversation short, saying it was getting "too personal". Since then I felt sort of regretful, thinking maybe he's not that bad. But your words of advise have helped. Talking about sex within 5-10 minutes *is* a red flag!! Oh dear. Well, I have deleted his number and blocked him on the dating site. I can't block his number on my phone but he won't be back... my parting words to him were rather ripe and I can't repeat them here! Thanks again ladies. I really appreciate it x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 May 2012):
 I too doubt that ever ever really split from her, he was just trolling dating sites for a possible willing girl to add into his fantasies.
Take it as a lesson of WHAT not to do in the future. IF a guy is just looking for "lovers" and you are looking for a BF, don't waste time on him.
I would block his number and move on.
Stop beating yourself up. He sounds like a total toad.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (28 May 2012):
 Always be cautious of people who bring up sex almost immediately when you meet them. That's a huge red flag. You're new to dating sites and within the next few months, you'll learn a LOT about what it's like.
I've been on social networking/dating sites for YEARS, so I can give you a few hints. This following text may seem incredibly jaded and extremely guarded, but I have learned what to look for and what to look out for, and I am sharing my knowledge to you so that you don't have to go through the pain and frustration that I did. Please trust my words as truth.
Believe guys when they say they're only looking for a hookup/no-strings sex. They are NOT relationship material, even if they're nice and good looking. They're serious. They will gladly have sex with you, but they cannot and will not give you a relationship. If you want a relationship, avoid these men at all costs, no matter how attracted you are to them. IT WILL ONLY END IN TEARS, period.
Watch out for men who introduce themselves with sexual talk. The internet is no different than meeting a person actually in person...if they couldn't say that first greeting to your face without getting slapped, then they shouldn't say it on the 'net. If they email you with sexual questions, innuendos, or gross text porno, block them. They have no idea how to act respectful and won't bother treating you respectfully in person either.
If they have no pictures and no profile, or very little in their profile with almost no personal information, avoid them. Most of the time, people who won't allow face pictures and identifying information are hiding something important...like a wife. Openness is a good thing, and so are a lot of recent and clear pictures.
The more respectful, thoughtful and polite a man is online, the more likely he'll be able to act like that in person. These people are aware that there is no difference in social interaction online as there is in "Meat Life", and they can be counted on to be as collected and mature in person, most of the time. You want to look out for emails that aren't provocative sexually, just friendly and polite.
The kind of guys that jump right into sex talk are looking for just that. Sex. So chalk this up as an experience that'll teach you to be more guarded and cautious, and keep looking out for the right guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): That type are two for a penny online. They are just hoping to find someone willing to fulfill their fantasies. He probably never split up from his girlfriend, has badgered her into agreeing to a threesome. And has quite a few women he is busy sexting and trying to pressure into a threesome with them.
Much better to stick with your search for a good, decent man. Leave the no strings sex stuff because when you start turning those rocks over, you never know what sort of creepy crawlies will emerge!
And there is nothing wrong with your mind. Take no notice of him. This guy operates on a very basic level. If you had told him there was something wrong with his mind because he did not want to do something. He would have done that thing! He was hoping you would behave in a similar manner when he said there was something wrong with your mind because you did not want a threesome. He is a moron, please dont let someone like that get to you x
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 May 2012):
Daisy_Daisy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. Yes I guess he may never have split with his g/f. I don't know. A few weeks ago he said he had a friend who wanted to have sex with a couple (him and me) and when I asked him who this friend was, he said he met her online. I don't believe that and he was likely referring to his g/f - though why lie about it one time then come clean a few weeks later?
Anyway I'm glad I didn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with (he made other suggestions!). I have to be more cautious in future...
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 May 2012):
 Hi
You have just come across one of the dating site wierdos thats all, there are plenty. He probably never did split up with his girlfriend and they were looking for a woman to have the 3 some or he wanted to branch out.
Either way its easy to get caught up in a bit of flattery and fun, just be very careful, watch for signs that they are out to fulfill their little fantasies. Soon as the subject of whatever they want comes up, end the contact.
Dont let him get to you,he just threw his dummy out of the pram because you wouldnt comply. He's an idiot.Your not.Ignore him.
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