A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my daughters father is still going through a messy divorce. been seperated two years, divorce is over a year and three months now. our little girl is 3 months old. he has shown mixed signals of his interest in her. i feel like he uses me as a babysitter for his son. he goes out with friends and family, but never makes solid plans or keeps any to do something with us. he will take his son out. i know our little one is still so young, but he never announced her birth. facebook is his lifeline... for socializing and work, but the day she was born he posted about the yankees. he is on daily with photos of his son. his ex left him. so, its not out of respect for her. i just feel like its wrong. he didnt get her a thing for christmas. his only lil girl? somethings off. i spoke with him about it, but he worked his way out of answering. started about us. forget us, i am worried about him being a dad. am i wrong?
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christmas, divorce, facebook, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 February 2014):
 No, I don't think you're wrong either.
I'm not a Facebook person myself but your boyfriend is and for him to post things about his son and the Yankees but not even mention having a daughter tells you what his priorities are.
I wouldn't be wasting any more time with this one. Get your ducks in a row and get rid of him. If you're living with him, find your own place and if he's living with you turf him out. Don't forget to gather up whatever information about him you need before you do, for child support purposes (Social Security, Drivers licence number and the like).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): "i am worried about him being a dad. am i wrong?"Not about his being an inadequate father to his daughter, which makes me suspect he doesn't want his affair with you to become public, which makes me suspect his divorce isn't as messy or protracted as he's led you to believe, which makes me suspect he doesn't want his wife to know about his love child, which makes me suspect she either doesn't know about you or thinks you're now out of the picture.Sorry, but that's the risk of getting involved with a married man, no matter how "separated" he may claim to be: any guy who is capable of cheating on his wife is capable of lying to his mistress. All you can do is legally establish paternity and obtain court orders for child support and visitation for your daughter's protection and yours; that way if baby daddy chooses not to be involved in his daughter's life now, then he can't decide to pop back into her life in the next eighteen years and claim you wouldn't let him see her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Nope you are not wrong.. he's not there for you or her.
If you live together start finding a place to move if it's his home.
Once you do not live together, get some court ordered Paternity and then garnish his wages for child support as clearly he will take care of the little guy but not your daughter.
STOP being a baby sitter for him if he does not involve you in his family life....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 February 2014):
 Are you living together? If so, I'd consider moving out.
As for Christmas presents.. well, she was a month old so she wouldn't have a clue or care about Christmas, BUT.... getting her a stuffed toy or an outfit would have been just fine. He did nothing and got her nothing. That is kind of crappy.
As for posting on Facebook, well.... it's Facebook, who cares? However, it seems like he isn't at all interested in her, just his son.
He goes off to family functions WITHOUT you and your little girl? Seriously? Do they KNOW you exist? Or is there some kind of animosity for you dating him BEFORE he was fully divorced? (though I can't see why they wouldn't like you for that, it's not like you FORCED him to date you..) OR are YOU the reason he is now divorced?
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