A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend hadent text me back since tuesday. i rang to see why and he said at the time i wasnt helping the situation (his dog had just died but i was i wrote him a lovely text ). I rang him and ask him what was going on and he said that i never text him either and that he was always the bad one but i said i wasnt going to text u if u couldnt even text me back. i confronted him about why hes being distant the past to weeks and he said that my nagging and need for reassurance has driven him away and i told him i like that becasue his cold heartiness and distance was diving me crazy. he agreed that he hadent been the easiest the past two weeks and also that he wasn't there for me when i needed him ( i was having family troubles) i asked him did he want to be in the relationship and he said i dunno i kept pushing because i wanted a definite answer and he said atm no he said that were too young to be as stressed as were are over the relationship (hes 20 am 19) .I think though if you love someone you'd want to try he said he had tried:/ i said that i do think we need space i know i do because i want to find the person i was when we got together the person he fell in love with. but he said that am not going to change ? when i know i can a bit of space apart and living without him ovbousily am not going to be needy. i love him so much and we have been together for 2 years but am just afraid while am giving him space in this breakup hell focus on the negative sides of the relationship and not the good times we had and just forget about me completly. i don't even know if hell miss me . the only reason i was insecure was because he had broken up with me a month ago and i just felt insecure when we got back together. he said when we got back together i was back to my old self but then just went back to square one that i didn't just let the relationship happen but if i was with him for 2 years it shouldn't be a problem for him to give me reassurance ? i don't like the way i'm getting all the blame for it. i asked was there someone else and he got ma and said no and i asked was it that he wanted to meet other people and he said no of course not hes not even thinking about that and he said that in the time apart if i met other people it would be his own fault.. i don't know what to do should i give up and accept this is the end ? or should i give it some time and see how it goes ? please help i'm going crazy . I told him before if he broke up with me it would be the end but i don't want i to be i love him and he said he loves me,,i just tink hes just fed up but is there any way back from that ? like he said he could of seen a future with m but that he was afraid it always be giving out .. do i just give him space and see i he comes back ?...please help what do i do ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Thanks so much for your responsesalthough some of them are things i don't want to hear its the honest truth and i appreciate your Imput on the situation.At the moment om more confused then ever he contacted me after 4 days of N/C and asked me did h want me to drop my hair dryer in i replied NO and he said to let him no when he can get his stuff ..i thought this was bit low considering we hadent been broke up that long . I texted him back and told him i wouldn't be there Friday but that i would leave his stuff at my house and he could collect them.. and he said he wanted to collect it when i was there.. Bit confused as if all he wants is his stuff then it shouldn't matter whether am there or not. I then told him that i would give his things to a mutual friend to pass along and he wasn't to happy he said he could of gotten them off me himself so i simply told him i did not want to see him.I am now focusing on myself as i feel that i lost who i was during the relationship. i used to be independent and did not need a man to make me happy and i miss that person. I'm having some "Me time" at the moment and trying to find who am supposed to be. Im heading out with friends the weekend to have a good owl dance and a well deserved drink. And Although im still hurting and i miss him everyday i realize how wrong he was to me and my part i played i don know what the future holds but Im tired of being upset and unhappy so its time to make a change. Thanks Again for your responses :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): If it's this bad now it will just get worse. Sounds like he wants it over and you just don't get it. Back off you'll find someone better. Your still growing and changing into who you'll be later in life. He was like a first stone in the path. Its time to take the next step and move on.
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A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (10 November 2012):
 The truth is if he is making you feel insecure and needing reassurance the relationship is in big trouble. After 2 years together you shouldn't feel so insecure, so afraid of where he stands. He obviously isn't sure about you and you are easily picking up on that which makes you insecure. It is not your fault. He doesn't understand this either, he thinks you are insecure by nature therefore your neediness is your problem. I read a comment in a post the other day that said something like- the more secure a woman feels the more laid back she will be. It is very true. For whatever reason he hasn't been completely 100% on board with your relationship, you get worried and need the reassurance, he then gets pushed farther away. It's a cycle that is unlikely to end.
Since you talked to him last it sounded like you are on a break, he said atm he doesn't want a relationship because of the stress. If I read correctly and you are currently on a break then there is nothing you can do but try to move on. It's the only way to show you aren't needing him by not calling or relying on him. He doesnt like the neediness so that is how you show you arent. Unfortunately even if this does make him want to come back you won't really last. There is a problem in your relationship that we don't know exactly what it is, could simply be incompatibility, and when he starts to go distant again you will feel insecure again and start it all over. Just realize it isn't all your fault and you can't take all the blame. He doesn't seem to feel as deeply for you as you do for him. That's why he is able to end the relationship whereas you say love should be enough, because you love him so deeply nothing else matters. He isn't in the same boat as you are. Inevitably you will need to move on from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): The way I see it you're just not compatible OP. After two years all you do is bicker and blame each other. OP I don't understand where you think change is going to come from. You do understand that relationships go through a honeymoon period right? Mine were all about 18 months. Everything was great, still getting to know each other deeply, still caught up in the whirlwind of love and romance. Then the 18 month mark comes about and we relax into the relationship and see whether we truly are compatible in the long term. if were weren't then the annoying little things we tolerated about each other during the honeymoon all started to become a problem. We'd start bickering about these things, thinking the other person had changed, but they never changed OP, this was the real them after the fog of weak knees, giddy romance cleared up we could finally see each other for what were.
OP you broke up already because you simply don't get on. You got back together to give it another go and you still just don't get on. Sure you can think of all the good times and stuff but you can't ignore the bad stuff OP it never goes away. but you're young and by the sounds of things you're one of those women who thinks love can conquer all and that you love him too much to do what you need to.
Look OP you ask the question whether you should accept it's over and move on, we both know that you're not going to do that. Be honest OP, you know in your heart that you can't be with him because you just do not get on at all. You're bad for each other OP and there is no way of changing that. The only thing keeping you here is love and it's going to take a long time for this to end because of that, you simply don't possess the strength to walk away completely. I'm not trying to be insulting but you wouldn't even need to ask us these questions if you did.
What would you tell a friend? Would seriously be naive enough to tell them that love can conquer all and to never give up? Even though you can see their heart is breaking and by staying all they're going to get is more pain and sadness?
OP you broke up, you couldn't stay away and now you're back together and it's the same shit again. You're not there for each other when you need each other, you pick fights about every little thing and you blame each other for everything. That will never change, this is not going to work out in the long term OP, this relationship is dead drag it out as long as you want, it's over and there is nothing at all you can do about it. Walk away OP.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 November 2012):
 I think you should break up with him. You need reassurance not because insecurity is your personality. You need reassurance because you are not getting what you want out of this relationship. You want to know where you stand. He is too young to be in a relationship because all he cares is himself. When you care about a person you will not leave them alone guessing. Who you love is a guy who was sweet from the beginning because there was no pressure of commitment. He is not that person now and never will be. Each time you break up and take him back you will have more doubts of each other. Again and again he will use your insecurity as a reason as break up, and without looking at himself as the source of this misery. If he comes back it is for himself and not you. You supply his need to be loved. You make him feel good that someone loves him. However he has never proven himself to be able to reciprocate that kind of love.
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