A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I was in a long distance relationship for over a year with a guy who I thought I could really see myself with in the future. However, we recently broke up due to fighting a lot mostly from trust issues and my insecurity. We agreed to take a step back and see if we could work things out.About a week ago I was anonymously sent a link to his ex girlfriend's social media site where months ago, she made claims that he was leading both of us on in the months leading up to our relationship. (Since it was a LDR, we talked for about 4 months prior to actually committing to a full time relationship). I immediately texted him asking about it. He said it couldn't have been about him but said he would ask her if it made me feel better. I said not to, I didn't want to cause drama and wanted to just trust him for once. I found out the next day through a friend that he actually did ask her. When I asked him what she said, he refused to tell me, saying I was being 'creepy' and shouldn't care. This confused me since he was so willing to ask in the first place.I went a little crazy and called him a bunch because I was so upset and he refused to answer any of my calls or texts.I wasn't shocked by this whole thing since she was a huge problem throughout our entire relationship. Once after an argument, he started texting someone- I asked if it was her and he said no. Later I saw it was to her and was upset his first instinct was to text her when he was mad at me and then lie about it.She also did a lot of things that made me uncomfortable such as go out drinking in his city then text him asking to talk at 2 in the morning and he obliged. She would privately fb message him and want to discuss romantic movies that she recently watched. She did various other things to try to keep his attention such as liking/commenting on all his pictures on facebook, texting him, and sending him snapchats throughout the day.Whenever I became suspicious of something and wanted to talk about how it made me feel, he claimed she was just a friend and since their breakup he had a strictly platonic relationship that couldn't have been interpreted as flirting. He grew increasingly mad at me for being jealous but I didn't think everything that was going on was strictly on a friendship level. He blames me for forcing him to end a friendship with her despite repeatedly telling him I would never demand nor ask him to give up a friendship for me!I don't know what to think. This isn't the first girl in his life that I have been concerned about. He drove another girl to and from bars to meet up with other friends and brought her over on Friday nights just to 'hang out' and watch movies despite knowing I was uncomfortable with it.He has ignored me for almost a week straight with barely any communication other than a text saying something mean to me. I texted him some nasty things yesterday because I was so angered that I just want answers and he won't even talk to me.I understand that he was worn out and tired from me always being slightly jealous and concerned about other girls. I don't know what to think now though since I still want to be with him and eventually move to his state.Am I being completely crazy for still hoping there's a chance we could work out?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 September 2014):
 I won't call you crazy either - no one sends an anonymously sent a link to his ex girlfriend's social media site if they aren't LOOKING to create drama. MY bet.. is on the ex-gf sending it.
However with that said, I would have forwarded the e-mail to him and asked him why anyone would send you that.
Last but not least, I don't think the two of you are good at LRD for several reasons.
1. he knows you are having a hard time with him and other women but he insists. Which means what HE wants to do is more important to him. It's more important for him to be friend with the ex, then give you peace of mind.
2. You presume that EVERY TIME he is around another woman then you he can't "control" himself" or that EVERY other woman is "after" him. Or that he isn't capable of being FRIENDS with a female. That is, I'm sorry a little ridiculous.
3. When he doesn't respond the way YOU want him to you resort to passive-aggressive behavior.. " I just want answers and he won't even talk to me." Well, maybe he just want peace and quiet and no drama.....
4. He LIES. He think if he lies you will never know. And what you don't know can't hurt HIM. So he lies. YOU can not build a solid relationship if one partner throws fits and the other one lies constantly.
I think it's over and I don't see any chance at sorting this out if you two can communicate like adults.
My ADVICE?
Date someone closer by. Someone you can BE with. Hang out with. Get to know his friends in person, be they male or female. And LEARN to accept that you CAN NOT dictate whom a partner talks to. You CAN NOT isolate them from friend you DEEM a threat. Because if you try, you will end up being the one kicked to the curb.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2014): In my opinion your jealousy is not crazy but has been caused by his actions. You may get a bit over the top but only because he acts oddly. I wouldn't be comfortable with my boyfriend having late night chats or visits with other girls, especially not an ex. Perhaps you should give it another go when he's ready to stop acting single.
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A
female
reader, Katie-Lynn +, writes (23 September 2014):
 I won't call you crazy, bit I will say that wanting this to work out isn't a smart move. I would find someone who doesn't cheat and lie. I'm sorry, but I honestly would assume something was going on if my bf did this stuff to me. Also, if he sent me mean texts just for no reason or because, like you said, he's mad cause he says you're overreacting, that is WRONG. Relationshios are honest and just don't mess with other women in this fashion! They should make you feel good and loves and I just don't see that with this....tell him you're going to stsrt looking around for a real man that knows how to treat a good woman. Hard to do right now but it's worth it. He's just trying to make himself seem like he's in the right as a cover so he doesn't feel guilty or make you think he's in the wrong. He is a player that wants his cake and then some. Hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
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