A
female
age
41-50,
*arturallycurlyhair
writes:Hello! My mom, who was my best friend and to whom I had the closest relationship you could possibly imagine, passed away 5 years ago. A few days ago my dad gave me her engagent ring telling me she has always wanted me to have it. So- I have been married three tears and my DH never met my mom because she passed away before we met. Anyway, my DH never gave me an engagent ring and that's totally okay. Yet, the other day I was wearing my mom's ring on my ring finger (and loved it for its sentimental value and because it is gorgeous) and he made a scene telling me that now I'll have to tell people he didnt give me a ring, that it is ridiculous to wear somebody elses's engagement ring and that the ring finger is "our" finger and that nothing else than our wedding band should go there. I was speechless. i never meant to direspect him. It's just my mom's ring and I love it. End of atory. What should I do? Should I stop wearing it? Does he have a point?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2016): Wow. He is being insecure.Is he saving up to buy you a ring? There are beautiful rings out there that are not that expensive.I inherited my mother's wedding rings after she passed away. She wanted me to have them.I wear them on the ring finger of my right hand. I don't wear them often. But, it is a lovely wedding set and when I am missing my mom, I wear them to feel closer to her.I only had one person, a friend, ask why I was wearing two sets of wedding rings. I explained to her about the loss of my mother and she totally understood. She said she would do the same thing.Hopefully, he is saving to buy you a engagement/wedding band. Once you have "his" ring on your finger, he should calm down and feel more secure.Personally, I would wear it on the right hand, but that is up to you.I am sorry for the loss of your mom.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (8 March 2016):
 Wow what an outburst! If he felt so strongly your finger being exclusive to the relationship then stop being a Cry Baby Su and put a bloody ring on it, he has had 3 years for Pete sake. Never would I not wear the ring but I would be happy to wear it on the opposite hand or on a chain around my neck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2016): He is projecting his insecurities and his projecting his anger onto you.
I'd talk to him when he calms down and find a solution (other finger other hand unless you really like wearing it the way you do).
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (7 March 2016):
 'I think he is more embarrassed about not having bought you an engagement ring, that he ever let on, or that you realized.'
That is PRECISELY what all this is about. SVC had a good idea, you could wear it on the other hand if you wanted, but that's it. That's as far as I would compromise.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 March 2016):
 You DH is an idiot! Sorry, that is all I can come up with.
He is upset because HE didn't give you an engagement ring and now you sort of have one, but not one HE bought.
I'd wear on the other hand. That way YOU can still wear your Mom's lovely ring and he will not really have a good reason for his tantrums. It's not like you HAVE to go around telling people:" OH I'm wearing my Mom's ring because my husband didn't buy me one.!"
I too inherited my Mom's (and grandmother's) engagement rings and I wear them occasionally (rarely though). Hubby has no problem with it at all. I can't wear the set he bought me as it got stolen :(
I wear a bracelet on occasion as well, that was one of my Mom's favorites - it makes me feel close to my Mom. When I miss her a lot I put it on. I have to say if my husband made a fuss I'd be pretty upset. It has nothing to do with WHO bought it, but WHO wore it. Thus the calling your DH an idiot.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 March 2016):
 My husband feels the same way. We compromised
I wear my mothers diamonds and gold on my ring finger of my left hand. we had the stones and gold fashioned into a very unique one of a kind set. It's my mother's gold and diamonds but it's OUR setting.
ON my right hand second finger I wear the last wedding band my mother was wearing at the time of her death.
At first my husband was upset that I was wearing more than my wedding set but I explained to him that it was my mothers and it' means a lot to me.
I think that men get embarrassed when we like family things that show they can't provide for us the way they want us to be provided for. IT makes them feel inferior.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 No he does not.
I think he is more embarassed about not having bought you an engagement ring, that he ever let on, or that you realized.
Such a strong and preposterous reaction, IMO, could be only explained by his fear that friends and acquaintances, seeing you sporting an engagement ring, will notice and comment " Beautiful ! " " It must be expensive... " " How come you never wore it before " etc., and of course you may be answering with all the story that you never got an engagement ring, but you got this which is a legacy from your mom etc.etc.
Yeah it's a totaly stupid thing, but some men are very sensitive to the fact that you may have had it " better " before getting married, or that your parents were / are able to give you in material terms more than he is able etc.etc.
If it's not this... then I am at loss for an explanation- unless he is so controlling and possessive of you, that he really thinks he OWNS also your left ring finger.
I would not stop wearing the ring which is a late gift from your dear mom- but maybe you can compromise and wear it on your right ring finger, or the medium even better ...anyway not together with your wedding band, so it does not scream " this is an engagement ring ".
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (7 March 2016):
No he doesn't have a point. His reaction was over the top and just plain weird.
Ignore him and enjoy the ring.
Sorry about your mum.
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (7 March 2016):
He has a stupid point here, in my opinion. However, depending on how he generally is and only you would know this, and if this is therefore unusual for him to react in this way, maybe he feels guilty that you don't have an engagement ring, or maybe he truly was taken aback and sees that finger and you wearing his wedding ring as sacred and just for him...who knows. If its out of character maybe say you'll wear it on the same finger on the other hand? But do wear it...i think its lovely that you have it and the comfort it brings you
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