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I'm Sexually innexperienced , does it affect my chances of meeting someone ? (Bi)

Tagged as: Crushes, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 March 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2016)
A male Switzerland age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Dear People of

Let me start off first by writing about myself.

I am a bi sexual male in the early 20s , living in Europe. I don't prefer any gender over the other.

I work out regularly and I like my self the way I am.

You could say I finally found my self and started to love and accept myself.

I also started dating again recently , after I had a nasty brake up , with my ex GF. I was for many months depressed and in treatment , taking meds and stuff.

I stood over it and I defeated my depression with a lot of hard work , I don't take anymore meds , nothing.

My Ex was the only sexual experience I had with another person. So on our first time I had an erectile dysfunction , I was able to enter her but after some time my penis just got lose and it was over. I was ultra nervous and excited at once.

I went to the doctors to get myself checked ,because I was afraid something was wrong , but nothing...

He told me that it happened because I was nervous and the blood flow wasn't working the way it was supposed to be. He advised me to take time with my then GF to get into it, and take it slow one after another until the nervousness barrier braked. I asked him if he could prescribe me Cialis in case it happened again and he did. Shortly after that came the brake up , for a BS reason that doesn't matter anymore.

That left a lot of insecurities in me.

Then later, I met a gay guy whom I dated.

It started of really good , we kissed and slept in one bed , but I asked him for some time regarding having sex, I told him about my situation and he was very supportive and told me that other men experience this too , even told me that is beautiful that I am someone who takes his time, unlike other men.

So after some time of being with him I felt relaxed and confident so I went to the store and bought condoms. All of a sudden I found out he just mysteriously blocked my phone and stopped texting me for good. Our last words were "See you on Monday, Take care" "You too, bye". So I totally cant understand why he did it.

Now I am kind of afraid that he decided to not contact me anymore , because I didn't sleep with him.

The thoughts keep on following me that If I don't get this fixed ,I will have huge problems of ever meeting someone. I am playing with the thought of trying it with a prostitute (its legal here). I also miss the physical closeness of kissing, hugging and just touching.

When I masturbate it works just fine , everything goes the way its supposed to go I do it 3 to 5 times a week.

This issue is eating me up sometimes , so any advice, opinion or thought would be really helpful...

I thank you in advance

View related questions: cialis, condom, depressed, ex girlfriend, kissing, my ex, my penis, prostitute, text

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (30 March 2016):

chigirl agony aunt... It's just nerves! Like your ex boyfriend (or ex date) said, it happens to other men too! It is NOT erectile dysfunction. You do not have a dysfunction. You have nerves and get worried. That is why you were unable to stay hard, and with time and feeling relaxed it will not be a problem. Really. So stop worrying about it, because this is totally normal! It is not why he left, I have no idea why he stopped talking to you, but that just shows you that you should not get intimate or sexual (in the same bed) with someone who you are not in a relationship with and know better. Some people are just out there to have sex, they don't want a relationship. Those people are not for you.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (29 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou are still young, so it is okay to be inexperienced. You suffered ED because you where nervous, it is completely normal. The next person you meet and date, just be honest with them, if they are not interested because you won't have sex straight away well then are they really the kind of person you want a relationship with anyway? You have plenty of time to experience a sexual relationship, so don't put to much pressure on yourself. If you struggled sexually with someone you where dating, I think you would struggle more with a prostitute because there is no love or connection it is just sex. Wait until it is with someone you love.

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A female reader, Mayah Playah United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

Mayah Playah agony auntThere's nothing wrong with being sexually inexperienced. These days, people forget that sex is still a pretty big deal for others, and just assume that their current partner knows what they're doing. That being said, your situation is unfortunate, but not hopeless. When you're young, it's easy to get nervous over something that many refer to "whatever".

Take a minute, breathe, remind yourself that if you don't have sex, it's not the end of the world. Educate yourself so if you suffer ED again, you can still continue the act of intimacy. Just remember that a relationship isn't defined by how good the sex is. You will meet someone. You're young, you have time.

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