A
female
age
41-50,
*issy_25
writes:How do you recover from being an achiever and surrounded by peers who admire you and inspired by you to becoming the one that has fallen off the tracks careerwise, money wise, and even relationshipwise? Yes, there's family and friends but how can you feel loved when they don't reach out to you (call you or want to hang out with you) or share with you their innermost dreams AND fears? Isn't trust supposed to be a two-way street? You reveal your vulnerability because you trust them but you had to hear their dreams and fears through someone else? It makes you feel worthless as a friend or family member. I definitely feel lonely. I also feel that nobody sees me worthy of their time. But worse, I feel incapable. I think what I want to do is focus on rebuilding myself, not rely on friendships and relationship to fill the void of unhappiness within me, and I want to just survive. But how do I do that without being scared and lonely being alone, and surrounded by people at work/home who are completely satisfied with their marriages, their vacations, and Type A personality workforce? How can I keep up with them without feeling like I'm drowning? I just feel VERY out of place in this life I'm living in and I HATE feeling that. I just need some encouraging words I guess. Truth is, I like to believe that even when you're single/divorced/widowed, no kids next to you anymore or simply have no kids who would care for you, you can still feel fulfillment in wanting to go on living. Alone. Is that possible?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 March 2016):
 If you are suffering from depression my advice is to go and get help. Go see your doctor he can give you some tablets, get you some counselling and have your life back on track. Talking really helps, even though it is scary at first, it may be the best thing that you ever do. Feeling down is one thing but having clinical depression is another. It sounds like you don't feel worthy of being alive, and that is sad when there is so much help out there today for our mental health.
I hate feeling lonely, I find walking helps, I take the dogs and it helps make me feel alive. Any hobbies you enjoy then take them up, or try some new things. Go for a run, maybe learn new recipes and try new things, remember that their is a purpose to your life. If you have lost contact with some family members, then pick up the phone.
A
female
reader, missy_25 +, writes (30 March 2016):
missy_25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I especially got inspired by some of your suggestions Eddie. I love the anonymous' last line "don't be scared. Go out."
I dont want to relay my problems here, I just want to improve my mental and emotional strength in dealing with this burden because I have been dealing with it for almost 4yrs. Because of it, my self-esteem has crashed, have depression. I'm scared of almost everything. But I'm very good at putting on a mask when I'm at work or get together. Because I need my job and I don't like people knowing my private problems. All I know is that change has to start from me first. I just need to figure out how.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 March 2016):
 Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Trust me -- you are valued more than you know.
We all impact each other's lives and lend meaning to them. Your presence has impacted others in some way -- even if you don't think so.
To me, it sounds like you need something to live for. This world is a HUGE place with lots of things to do. I used to sit around on the weekends watching TV and I thought that was fulfilling.
Then... I moved across the country and suddenly I had a lot more to see and do. And best of all, a lot of it doesn't cost a lot of money. I hike, I run, I go exploring new areas, in fact, I've done more in the 3 years I've been here than most people have done in an entire lifetime here. Sometimes I do it on my own, other times I have someone. And you know what, I am not done! My list of things to do is constantly growing and evolving. And along the way my friends list has grown. Chance encounters have led to many friends and friendships that I have all throughout the country... And I am a socially shy computer programmer. If I can do it, you can too.
You've only got one life and there is no do-overs or starting over. Make the most of what you got. It also means figuring out what you've got.
I suggest taking some time and making a list of things that bring you joy. Also figure out what you want to do in your life -- a bucket list. Next figure out what it'll take do those things and actually implement them. Also identify things that are good at -- your gifts and talents. Become more self-aware as to what you bring to the table of life.
May I also suggest something that has helped me: start a blog. Write about your adventures. Post pictures. Get excited about life. Even if no one reads it, your drive in life will be to post another cool article about what you are doing. Be the person everyone wants to emulate. I've got one and I've cataloged my adventures over the years and I love going back and seeing all the things I thought I'd never do.
Finally, I encourage you to see a therapist. You sound kind of depressed (an understatement). Having someone to talk to on an intimate level can work wonders. I know I've done that in the past too with great success.
Take care of yourself and I hope this post starts a change in your life -- for the better.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016): I feel you. I feel the same way a lot of the time.
Here's my advice, straight up, and I am just going to be blunt about it: stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop worrying what people think of you.
You are worthy of love by virtue of being born. So accept that, and stop obsessing about it. Spend your efforts caring for other people that you love. Call and ask how they are doing. Listen to their answers. Make the effort again and again. Maybe people have not been open with you because they are afraid that you are already at your limit.
Just forget about your problems for a while and go do something to help someone that you love.
people don't know how much you care unless you show them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2016): I'm unclear about what is bothering you in terms of your relationships with others. Do you have kids? We're you married? And most importantly, what exactly do you want?
I feel lonely a lot. I think everybody does at some point. Some more than others. Some people are prone to feeling down.
I wouldn't judge your life in comparison to other people. Nobody is perfect. I know with social media people want to present an image of themselves that may seem larger than life. I know ALOT of people. I've lived in several major cities, travelled and done really cool things. I know people from all walks of life, cultures. Believe me when I tell you, nobody is perfect. Just because people show you one side/aspect of their life doesn't mean they're showing you the full picture.
Everybody is struggling with something or other. I've never met anyone who was perfect. That's the truth. Just as you want people to accept you as you are, even when things aren't going well, you have to accept others too both in good times and bad.
To have good friends, you have to be a good friend. A good start for you is to look beyond the surface and rest assured that you are not alone in your struggle. Everybody is struggling with something or other. Be compassionate. Both to yourself and to others.
Make goals for yourself and find things to do that you love. I just joined the gym for instance. I've developed a new passion for working out and I meet people everyday at the gym.
Don't be scared. Just get out there.
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