A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello , I am confused and really unsure what to do or what is going onright now . I am 18 weeks pregnant at 40 the father is 35 and we hv been together for 3.5 years . This pregnancy was a HUGE surprise. I was on the depo shot and never missed.Things had been bumpy mostly bc of my hormos like a 30 minute cry bc I don't know how to knit. But they were getting better and we had both started looking forward to having this baby and becoming a family and making plans for our future Then I got a text from the baby's father it read " I've had a break down , I can't do this your on your own " I was shocked he wouldn't talk to me at all . Bc of our jobs we hv to cross paths which use to be a great perk now not so much. We crosse paths I asked what was going on all he said was I want to sign my rights away . I told my parent you are pregnant ( his parents hate me and feel I broke uo his marriage bc we started dating while he was separted and not divorced) I don't want anything to do with you and I hv to do what is right for me . Then he walked off .I was left shocked and in tears. I saw him again the next night and asked how could you go from saying you were in live with me to the very next day dumping me . His reply was " loving you has never been the question ". I asked if we could talk he said there is nothing to talk about . Some additonal background he lives with his parents to pay off the large amount of debt he had from his marriage . He also feels he owes them everything bc they paid fir his college degree and marriage consuling when his marriage was falling apart. His ex wife is now engaged . I this is his first child . He had talked early in our relationship about having children together . Now he ants nothing to do with me or our baby. I don't know if this is cold feet . Or if he is really gone . This is not the loving person o thought he was . I am at a loss . I hv left him alone . I am not sure how he will be able to live with himself seeing me every week with our baby growing in my belly . Please help . I am so scared . I want my child to have a father. I am so sad my future just crumbled into dust
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 In your post, you're not telling us why he doesn't want to marry you, or why he wants to sign his parental rights away. I can see that not even you know this. But that is important for you.
When we are trying to make tough decisions, we need to have as many cold and hard facts as possible. You don't have that, but you have to act because the baby is coming.
In a very practical way, what you have to do is to think how you are going to handle the pregnancy and rearing of your child alone. If he chooses to come, that will be a plus. You can't wait for him to make up his mind.
You don't have to worry about what his parents say and neither should he. Beyond that, if he is 35, he should know better.
I agree with Abella in not making it easy for him to get rid of his parental obligations. However, please note that will only take you as far as money.
You will also have to do the hard thing of giving up his love if that needs to happen. He could perhaps come back to you out of a sense of obligation, and then leave, and then return, only to leave again. Don't let this happen. You need to be in full control of your circumstances.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): What a hero! Hold onto your anger and squeeze tight.Don't let him wriggle out of his responsibility to, at the very least, financially support his child. Pursue him for child support. I'd look into that just now so you know what to do as soon as possible after your baby arrives.This guy is spineless and has run back to his parents because they'll bail him out of a financial mess (vis-a-vis his previous marriage).It may not seem so right now, but in the long run you'll be better off without this guy.Hope all goes well for you with the birth of your baby and that you and he/she will have a wonderful life.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 March 2011):
 hi, i am very happy for you, your baby will give you great joy. Sounds like your guy is having a major panic attack.Pathetic grandparents.And where is his backbone?Do not allow him to sign any responsibilty away. After baby is born sue him for child support. Court can order him to take a DNA test once baby is born.Document now the path of your relationship for later for when you go for child support. Keep any cards he ever gave you.His 'nervous breakdown?' was not that severe that he could not write a ''no thanks'' letter. If he was truly sick he would not be so coherentSometimes it is hard to fathom why some things happen. But things do happen.It is not the problem that occurs that IS the issue.The real issue is how soundly and effectively you deal with the problem,regards, Abella
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): He may be in shock. This is a strong possiblity. Leave him alone to let the thought sink in. So look after yourself, you come first! Allow for the fact that you may be doing this alone. You are not the first and you won't be the last - left by a man to raise a child alone. Let the baby be your main focus. Given sometime to get used to the idea, he may change his mind. But it's his loss if not. A child is the most wonderful addition to your life, exhausting at times but a joy. That is the upside.
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