A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in an LDR for about 6 months and next month, he's coming to my country to meet me. I'm very fat and from the very beginning, I made sure he knew that. I mentioned it and even sent him full-length photographs so that he knew exactly how I look. It didn't seem to matter to him and he always tells me I'm beautiful etc. I obviously have body-image issues and a total lack of self-esteem and now that he's about to arrive and he'll see me in flesh and blood, I'm always terrified of being rejected. I fear that he might be repulsed by me and end the relationship. I didn't discuss my fears with him because I didn't want to come across as insecure or needy. But I'm truly petrified because I am extremely fond of him and would hate to lose him. Is there anything I can do to prepare myself for rejection?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMe too! :)
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 Yea! I just love happy endings!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA much needed update: We've met, though six months later than we'd planned. He was delighted to see me. Al my fears were unfounded. We are now very happy together and he thinks I'm beautiful. :)
A happy ending, I think. Thanks all of you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2012):
 OP, please try to not worry...
I can tell you also that the man I am with now was NOT physically appealing to me at first... it was his brain that attracted me to him.... and yet now the thought of him.... well, lets just say he is now my type in every way...
I think that the brain connection is truly the important part...
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou do have a valid point, Adamantine. I'm so happy it worked out for you. Hopefully it will work out for me too. Maybe I'm just getting paranoid because I really want him to like me (in real life).
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 I was in the same boat about 9 months ago, only it was my boyfriend who was nervous about meeting me and about his size.
I knew what he looked like. I wasn't attracted to him for his body, but for his mind. And in time, I became attracted to ALL OF HIM. I find his body sexy as hell for a slightly bigger man.
I'm sure your boyfriend knows what to expect and looks beyond the outer shell. If he was so shallow, he wouldn't be flying to meet you, would he? :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't even think of that. It would be so embarrassing if I didn't like him. I would hate to hurt his feelings. Thank you...I am going to try and relax. Deep breathing should help! :-)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 April 2012):
I hope YOU aren't disappointed in HIM. Besides this is a "what do I have to lose" situation. Try to relax and enjoy the anticipation, sometimes that's the very best part.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't even mention the huge cultural differences. He's English and I'm Indian! But that's another story! Thank you for the support, really. I've been so fearful, so anxious lately that I kept imagining the worst and reducing myself to a lump of quivering jelly. Your reassurances have made me feel so much better. Even if things don't work out, I won't feel as worthless as I might have felt otherwise.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Yeah! You gotta tell us how it goes! I'm actually excited for you to see how you like him!
All my best wishes to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI promise I will. Thank you.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 April 2012):
Please let us know how your meeting turns out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the shot in the arm, agony aunts! I did send him my recent pictures and I have always jokingly referred to my size, laughing at myself but with the clear intention of letting him know what to expect. But he ignores all my hints, never comments about my weight (unlike other men and women) and insists that I'm beautiful, even when I protest against being called that. His behaviour confuses me. Perhaps he really is the sort who doesn't care about weight issues.
I'll accept You Wish's advice and appear on a webcam or something. A last effort to make him cancel his tickets if he doesn't like what he sees. My former boyfriend never had any issues with my body and we had a really good sex life. I always feel scared that I'd never to able to achieve that level of comfort with anyone else again, because I'd be scared of being judged. Or that my lover would lose interest in me over time because of my weight. But I suppose I should not start a relationship with so much negativity. If he dumps me for this reason alone, I'll come back to you and whine. ;-)
Thank you so much, all of you!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): Hey sweetheart listen, if he knows what u look like and have been honest about your size then why should he reject you. Alot of guy like a larger lady! If ur size ultimatly upsets you then maybe you should seek some help to loose weight but most importanly you need to work on becoming comfortable with yourself. I really hope that this guy helps you on the road to.feeling better in yourself. If he rejects you after meeting in person purely on looks then he isnt worth tears good luck xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Hey sweetheart listen, if he knows what u look like and have been honest about your size then why should he reject you. Alot of guy like a larger lady! If ur size ultimatly upsets you then maybe you should seek some help to loose weight but most importanly you need to work on becoming comfortable with yourself. I really hope that this guy helps you on the road to.feeling better in yourself. If he rejects you after meeting in person purely on looks then he isnt worth tears good luck xxxx
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 April 2012):
If he's seen recent pictures of you and thinks you're beautiful, then you have nothing to worry about!
Do you have a webcam? I think you're fine, but that might be a good idea for you if you're concerned about his being shocked to meet you.
I don't think you have anything to worry about! You're going to be just fine!
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (16 April 2012):
 I agree with So Very Confused. If you've sent pictures to him and he was happy with what he saw... AND told you that you look beautiful, then you do need to relax a bit. You also have to increase your confidence somehow. I've mentioned before to a previous poster, that it would be good to create a list of positive things that he like/love about himself. I think it would be good for you to create that list as well. Look at the list daily and repeat them often. Let it become the positive affirmations that you view- especially when you feel down, insecure about your appearance, or depressed.
And appearance may mean a lot to most people.. but it does not mean as much as personality and character. Start looking for reasons why a man SHOULD be with you. And if things don't work with a particular man, just know that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince. And when you do meet Mr. Right (hopefully it's the man that we're discussing), you'll appreciate him/that relationship so much more- because of what you had to go through before you met him.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 April 2012):
You need to take a deep breath. You've been totally upfront with him so you needn't worry about your weight since it obviously isn't stopping him from coming to meet you. You should relax like SVC says and try to enjoy the butterflies.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 April 2012):
IF you sent him pictures and you were HONEST about your weight then you need to relax a bit.
He may be one of those wonderful men who does not see your weight... he may be a man who prefers a full figured woman.... you would be amazed at how many men prefer a woman with weight on them...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): Here's some advice - DON'T expect or prepare for rejection. You'll just put a damper on meeting him. It's okay to tell him you're nervous about meeting - I'm sure he will be too.
There's nothing more attractive than a woman that has conifdence in herself (NOT arrogance tho). Everyone deserves to be loved, and if this guy turns out to be a shallow a-hole, well, then quite frankly you deserve better than that. By the sounds of it though, he appears to really like you. Start seeing yourself as someone that deserves to be liked and think about all the reasons why he SHOULD like you. Stop focussing on these negative things, because if you start for real with this negative attitude it will inadvertably affect your relationship.
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