A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. From 3 weeks into dating, he told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I love him with everything that I am, but am not sure he will ever grow up enough to be the man that I want and need.Shortly into dating he created personals site profiles, advertising himself as looking for sex. I found out by accident, when using his computer. I was extremely hurt to find these and deleted them promptly, but didn't think ending the relationship was the right thing to do in the situation.He cheated on me a year ago, had sex with a woman he had a crush on for years and didn't confess or tell me about it. He kept it a secret, and I found the emails from the other woman which is how I found out. I was devestated, and again I didn't end the relationship.He has created secret email accounts and facebook accounts to talk to and flirt with other women in the past year and a half as well. Recently, I found that he has again been on singles sites, advertising himself as single and looking. Everything above tells me that he is not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. He is 23 and acts like a child, sometimes smoking marijuana 5-6 times a day, getting stupid-drunk when he goes out to parties, and is clearly unable to stay faithful to me, even when he tells me everyday how much he loves me and talks about our future and a family together. I don't understand it. Is there any hope of a man as stated above to pull things together? He is a smart guy, has a college and university degree. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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cheated on me, crush, facebook, flirt, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Hold on a sec, ... he is advertising for sex and you don't think that is grounds to leave him?He cheated on you, and you don't think that is grounds to leave him?He is devious and deceptive, and you don't think that is grounds to leave him?He has substance abuse issues that you don't condone, and still that is not grounds to leave him? Oh lordy, ...have some self respect, you deserve better than that!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): girl, read your story, slowly and absorb all he has done to you. then when your legs have enough strenght to carry you out of his life please do so.
read this over and over again: "you deserve what you tolerate" is this you. only you can make a decision to end this unhealty toxic remationship.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Here is your saying..." He is 23 and acts like a child, sometimes smoking marijuana 5-6 times a day, getting stupid-drunk when he goes out to parties, and is clearly unable to stay faithful to me, ...."
what advice is possible? It is true that you love him seriously and honestly, so seriously that make you say, "sometimes smoke...and also add, 5-6 times a day"...is it sometime?
He is educated with university degree? you say so, then sorry, I think, no advice work. Only advice for you to reconsider your own feeling. Reshape feeling on basis of fact. And, separate your self from this affair, as soon as you feel ok.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 January 2010):
You're making the classic female mistake. A million women before you have all sat there with a really second rate man and hoped he will change. Not one of those men changed. And neither will your guy. You only need to read what you've written to see it. He created sex profiles just weeks into your relationship after proclaiming his love to you, he cheated on you with a woman he fancied for 4 years, he has now been on single sites again, as a fake facebook account, takes drugs. I am a man, so I know how we think. He's simply using you, and doesn't care about you one bit. He won't change, he won't grow up, he wont' suddenly turn into the Prince or knight you want and deserve, do please leave him and don't ever look back.
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A
female
reader, shortbabygirl07  +, writes (9 January 2010):
GET OUT!!! there are soo many warning signs that show you how unworthy he is!! I know this sounds really harsh, but you have to look at this not from a place of love. He is LOOKING for someone else! You deserve to have someone cherish you, he cheated once and hid it. Now your finding more reasons to know that he is looking!
Run, dont walk away.
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