A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice please.My bf wanted to know everything from my past, every last detail of who I was with, what I did with them, when, where etc etc. When he asked who I had slept with I lied. Reduced the number mainly as I was ashamed and regretful myself. I had fallen for him so didn’t want him to think badly of me. As as a girlfriend Im loyal and devoted, my past I wanted to keep my past. About 5 months ago he found out I had lied and split with me. I managed to get him back but for some reason when he asked me for the full truth, I still didn’t want to tell him it all, as I thought he wouldn’t want me back. So recently he found out about someone from my past he didn’t know about. He was devastated and again we have split. The truth for him is really important, I knew that, but still risked being found out cos I wanted so much for us to be together. Stupid I know. I am pregnant and have always wanted a proper family. I am so scared to do this alone. He has moved back in to try and work things out. Thing is, now I don’t know what to do. He is nice to me, and some things r like they used to be, but as he said the other day, he has me over a barrell. Basically he now thinks he can make all the rules, treat me as he likes, and that I shouldn’t moan or complain as I am back at square one, and he needs to learn to love me again. Now I know I did wrong, I know I need to be punished, but Im worried as to how long this will last, or if I will ever be able to be myself again. Im scared that he is using me, as I know that to everyone else, he is saying I am his ex, acting very single, etc etc. I am worried how he will react if I tell him my fears, as to him, he is the hurt one, and I have no right to complain.I love him, but deep down I think maybe what we had is ruined forever. I cant work out what to do. I have his baby in me, and I caused this mess, so feel selfish caring about my feelings. But Im not sure how long I can cope wth bein punished for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Although he has no right to mis treat you you actually wrote the story of your life. you knew the truth was very important to him yet you lied repeatedly. have you actually told him the absolute truth. or will he find out from others the real truth.
you can only change your situation. love or blindsighted need? what is it. millions of women raise their kids alone and do a mighty fine job. you can do as well.
you learned the hard miserable way what lack of trust can do in a so called loving relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): I understand how severely this hurt him, but he has no right to treat you this way because of it.He needs to either stay with you and start respecting you again, or break up. Nothing in between.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (11 May 2009):
 OK a guys perspective here....I am in agreement with these ladies that have posted before me.He has absolutely no damn right to quiz you about things that happened before you got together. ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT! It has nothing to do with him, and he is a selfish, manipulative control freak. He certainly does not love you with all of this banter about "having you over a barrel.Id like to put him over a barrel and throttle him bloody!This goof is nothing short of a ticking timebomb. I am so sorry you have to be subjected to this piece of crap. You have done NOTHING WRONG!He seems to be insecure? I bet he is. He should be kissing your ass bigtime! He probably has treated his prior relationships the same way...notice I said Prior.I think that unfortunately you have allowed this jackass to belittle you to the point that you are losing self esteem. Please do not take this from anyone. I know that you now are pregnant, but his actions are a snapshot of the crappy life that awaits you and your child if you dont get away from this asshole toot sweet.Listen to what is said here, especially by the ladies. This is serious business and this guy seems to be more interested in having you as property. I guarantee you that unless you take some action for you and your child, that this jerk will graduate from belittling you to punching you, if he already hasn't. It is a natural progression. He is an abuser, plain and simple.To sum up...RUN THE HELL AWAY FROM THIS GUY AND DONT LOOK BACK!.I think your safety depends on it.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (11 May 2009):
 He is manipulating you and the situation
And now he holds all power and control
Over you. He thinks he has you now and you
Are not going anywhere. ESP with his baby..
He's trapped you to where exactly where he
Wants you. I hate to tell you .. But you are going
To have a miserable life if you stay with this
Jerk!! You will lose your identity and your self worth !
A relationship should be health love and respect between
Two people. He is abusing you in a way without "hitting"
You. Now you have to find a way to find your power back .
Gain back control. Get a job.. Be a single mother.. Do whatever
It takes to create the life that you deserve.
You say you love him, but honestly.. This guy does not love you.
He is always going to find fault in anything that you do. If you told
Him the truth about your past or if you lied.. He will still find a way to
Punish you. Leave his ass and don't look back!!!
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 U don't need to be 'punished'. you need to be forgiven. You didn't cheat on him, you simply spared his feelings and were worried about losing him. This was your mistake and you know that - but sometimes we do stupid things out of fear of losing what we love. But while he is treating you this way, is he still the man you fell in love with? Somethings can not be fixed.
If he is never going to forgive u for something that happened to you in your past then it's time to move on, whether you're having his baby or not.
Tell him how you feel. You still have feelings, regardless of what you did. If he's not willing to accept this then it's not going to get any better. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): u didnt do anything wrong all u did was out of love for him like u said ur past is ur past he has no right to punish u hecan either move on and love u and cherish u or leave u alone u deserve a good man it doesnt matter what u did in the past if he loves u and u love him it doesnt matter what u did in the past what happens after him or before him is pointless what matters is what u do whil ur with him and uve been nothing but good to that man be happy be strong u deserve the world if u ever need to talk shoot me an email [email address blocked] ive been in that situation before.
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