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I'm not scared..but I still stop it, why?

Tagged as: Friends, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2011) 12 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *hoebee writes:

Heey:)

I'm 13 and the other day I had a boy round my house, and we were bored so he wanted to play nervous, a game were you touch eachother in certain parts, and he went up my shorts and in my nickers then I stopped him before he could do anything, I don't want to get fingered. I'm not scared, but I really dont understand why I won't do it..

HEEELP:L

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

TasteofIndia agony auntYou didn't want to do it because you weren't ready and knew that the timing wasn't right at ALL. You should save that kind of action for a serious boyfriend who you love and who love and respects you. You shouldn't be rounding third base with a boy playing a game with you. He actually sounds a little pervy - I would stay away from him. He sounds like he just wants to get in your pants. (Not cool.)

Good luck, sweet. Listen to your gut - it is usually right!

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A female reader, Inutashy United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

Inutashy agony auntI'm 17 and only just barely let my bf touch me haha. Maybe your not scared but just as the game says nervous. Don't think a boy has to touch you for the relationship to work. I told my bf right out, no sex and even though he wants to, he accepts that I won't, and just like you I'm not scared. I don't want to regret it though, and maybe some where in your head you feel the same. If you wana talk bout it at all or anything like that I'm willing to listen as someone who's been there and is still there and learning. Hope tht helps:)

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A female reader, Rain Flower United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

Rain Flower agony auntI'm 13 and the same thing happened to me, I think I stopped it because, I don't want the risk of getting pregnant or getting an STD. Hope this helps :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011):

You won't do it because you are too young and not yet ready for that sort of thing. In future, you should take you're time getting to know someone before you start to go that far. It is safer to only do these sort of things with someone you have been in a relationship with for a while. You want to make sure you can trust the boy you are with first before going any further, to make sure that he is not just going to use you to show off to his friends, as he could just be using the 'nice guy' routine. You made a very good choice in stopping him from going any further, the bottom line is, you are too young, and you are not ready, mentally or physically for this sort of thing.

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A male reader, JC4AK United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2011):

You are still young and you should avoid situations like that if you can. You don't want to do it because you are not yet ready for that in a relationship. You should spend time purely getting to know boys in a non-physical way, no matter who it is, no matter how nice they seem. You shouldn't be going that far with someone unless you know you can trust them, otherwise they could just be using you to show off to their mates. And that will give you a bad reputation. You made the right choice in stopping him, in future, make sure you really know the boy who you're with, don't give in to them, no matter how nice they seem at first, sometimes they are just using the 'nice-guy' routine.

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A male reader, Moonknight United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2011):

Moonknight agony auntYour mind and body will always react in ways to protect you subconsciously, and this is exactly what is happening to you, you aren't ready for that basically, and although you know this some part of you "don't mind" going forward and even though you don't mind, you still stop your self.

That is a big sign not to continue. You even said it yourself "You don't want to get fingered" you don't need an exact reason to why you don't and if anyone ever asks you why it's because you don't want to! End of story.

You obviously understand some of the troubles that come along with loosing your virginity, so don't feel like you have to because your boyfriend wants to or because everyone else your age, around you seem to be doing it.

Things may seem like that, but if you do a quick search on here you will find endless amounts of people who regret losing their virginity when they just weren't ready, there is no cure for the guilt and shame that you will feel with yourself for making what you will call a "dumb mistake" later.

To put it very blunt, it's a shit feeling that hangs over you like a black cloud always wanting to rain but never does. You will know when you're ready because you wont feel the need to stop yourself.

One of the things that most young people who aren't ready for sex and do have sex don't understand, because no one ever tells them it, is that, unless you are actually ready and want to, you will NOT enjoy sex at all, it will be an empty shallow feeling like being raped. Many people here can tell you how horrible and dirty it makes you feel when you don't enjoy sex.

"Is that it" that'll be the question you'll ask wandering around with a question mark above your head for a very long time, and there is no cure for that disgusting guilt.

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A female reader, Eilish United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2011):

Eilish agony auntHey hun.

Firstly it is simply because you are just not ready for that sort of thing yet. It is a big and nerve racking step to be touched 'down there'. You have to be confident with yourself first and then you have to make sure you feel ready, your body will know when the time comes.xxx

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A male reader, Capri2 Argentina +, writes (28 February 2011):

If you don't feel like it, just don't do it. If you feel like it, don't do it neither because you are way too young.

Believe me: if you start too young it will bring you a lot of problems in your future relationships. Save yourself from unneeded pain. You have plenty of time to discover sexuality, in fact you will reach the point where you won't be able to stop you from doing it. When that time comes you will recognize it. In the meantime, have fun with the clothes on.

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A male reader, Imboredsoillhelppeople United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

You are probably having a reaction to the fact that you are going to be touched there by another person, it is quite common to be shy when someone else ttys to touch your vagina, if you don't want him to touch you there just ask him to stop, if he dosnt then leave (if you are in his house) or make him leave (if he is in yours)

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A male reader, lakers_lover09 United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

Because u r smarr...stay tht way

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011):

You don't want to because you are much too young for that kind of touching. You are basically still a child so it's a very good thing that you know that it wouldn't be right for him to touch you like that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011):

Because you're 13 babes. No offence, but you might just not be ready for that yet. If the idea doesn't really excite you, and if this guy doesn't excite you either, why would you wanna be fingered by him? Don't do stuff unless you wanna do it. Otherwise, you won't enjoy it and likelihood is, he won't much either. Wait till you want to, might take a a few years, might be a couple of weeks, who knows?

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