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female
,
anonymous
writes: He’s still here; angry and fed-up. Do I ask him what he wants? Do I leave him to it and hope that he'll stay? Is there anything I can do to make things better? Or is the ball in his court now? Please, any advice you can give would be gold dust for me right now. I'm 32, I've been with the most wonderful boyfriend I've ever had for the last 3-1/2 years. He’s an incredibly lovely man (36yrs) – the best possible combination of everything. He's the first boy I've lived with and it's great. It’s more beautiful than I could ever have possibly imagined. The only problem we’ve ever had relates to the fact that most of his best friends are younger women. He confides in them, is incredibly open with them not to say generally very flirtatious, so girls flock around him, and his girlfriends - though he's only just admitted this - fancy him too. Anyway who wouldn't? He’s lovely and I know that everyone needs flirtations and attractions, they are the point to life in general. But I seem, for the first time in my life to have become a jealously insane person, escalating suspicions out of all proportion that his are more than just friendships. I’ve thought of them as something threatening, something that can’t co-exist with me and this has been going on now for quite a long time. We've discussed it time after time after incidents where I felt uncomfortable. The first was when his girlfriend gave him a hand massage before my eyes (it was the first time I had met her). He’s since revealed this girl in fact encouraged him to continue to see me when we first met – they had something going at the time but I don’t know why they didn’t stay together. So he’s furious with me for getting so jealous about a close friend who actively encouraged our relationship. Anyway, in discussions after all such little incidents I’m revealed to be just jealous and insecure. His response has just fueled these awful feelings to the point where I guess I eventually cracked. When he recently became friendly with a girl from his old workplace - again jealous suspicions took over but this time I didn't say anything I just checked his email. I found some really explicit and intimate exchanges confirming the jealous suspicions. But of course I did! This was criminal behaviour; I invaded his privacy, a privacy that everyone needs. Thinking back though he's more flirtatious than most, he’s always made sure I’m comfortable, that I’m alright. He’s really attentive. I just didn’t think like that when I saw the emails I simply thought they confirmed my worst fears - that all along my suspicions were correct - I told him what I had found. We basically split up because he says that there’s no way out of this, that he thinks this is a basic incompatibility. My life fell apart. I asked (and he agreed) that we should give it a couple of days to cool down, to think it over properly, that was on Friday. I know I want to stay and fight hard against my jealousy because what we have is lovely but I don’t yet know what he wants. I'm completely heartbroken and yet he's still around. I'm totally confused. Many Kisses Nx
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reader, becky05 +, writes (14 July 2005):
I think you have a right to be jealous.A female friend giving him hand massages in front of you? This is not a normal way for friends to behave.you dont sound happy in this relationship. I dont think I would be either.Your boyfriend sounds like a very selfish, self obsessed man.I think you would be wise to end things now.
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