A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi there,right now there is this guy whom i've recently just had a liking to, he belongs to a group of friends that i always hang out with. i do have a liking for him but i'm really not sure if he feels the same way towards me too.we have known each other for almost 2 yrs already, but we didn't really talk to each other very often, except during those times that we're hanging out together as a group. for the past one yr or so he has been teasing me very often and trying to make me laugh, he does this to other friends as well, but he tend to make fun of me more than others; he will often brag and show off when he is joking. (for eg, there was a time when i saw his primary school photo on facebook, then i said he look cute when he was small. later he went about saying that he is naturally cute, and said i was the one who said that)he has been nice to me too. not long ago when i was in a crisis, he volunteered to pray for me. he notices some little things about me (for eg, he always knows i finishes my food). i received a nice handbag during my birthday, and when i asked the group (including him) abt who chose it, he jokingly said he was the one, then later said that the whole group voted and chose it for me. at times when i said goodbye to the whole group before leaving, i joked around and told them not to miss me, and he actually said that he'll try not to (miss me).but even if i've mentioned all the signs above, he hasn't made a move, to ask me out or anything. recently we've chatted on msn and i happened to talk about my ex-boyfriend who is having a hard time looking for a job; i actually asked him to pray for me ex-boyfriend so that he can successfully find a job. he said sure and straightaway after i thanked him, he went offline. guess i have said the wrong thing here, because after that conversation, he started to become quiet towards me (whereas behaving normally in front of the group), and avoid me by giving me the cold shoulder and not talking to me. (i am not sure if he is really jealous, or what??...)now actually there is another problem: his ex-girlfriend is also one of my good friends. i'm also not sure if she still have feelings for him although they have not been contacting each other for a long time. i wouldn't know what to do about all these...so i am really confused at this point...can anyone out there enlighten me about his feelings towards me, and also give me some practical advice on what to do next, please? thanks!a lost young lady
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female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (20 December 2008):
 Hi :)
It sounds as if he is interested in you (the teasing, etc. are all good signs). But I suspect that you put him off a little with the remark on MSN about your ex. You might not have meant it as such, but this guy probably took it as an indicator that you may still be interested in your ex. It sounds as if he is shy as well and this may be one of those cases where you will have to make the first move if you'd like something more to happen. Ask him to go do something simple and fun, just the two of you, and see how he reacts. At that point you should have your answer about whether or not he is interested as more than a friend.
The fact that his ex is friends with you also complicates things. If you would like to pursue a relationship with him you will run the risk of losing your friendship with her. Depending on the circumstances of their breakup, it might be a good idea to (delicately) broach the subject with her before you try to take things any farther. Just because they no longer contact each other doesn't necessarily mean she won't be sincerely hurt if you turn around and start dating him. Unless she is a really forgiving person she probably won't be happy about the idea, but there's a difference between "I don't like it, but if it makes you happy..." and "I will never speak to you again if you go out with him."
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): It can be very frustrating to try and figure out what is going on in his mind and it is impossible to guess. It sounds as if he is interested. It sounds as if he might be a little unsure and or even a little confused himself. Maybe he is not sure about you and your feelings towards your ex. He can also have doubts about the impact it might have on your friendhip with his ex. There are so many things, that could be going through his mind. There is only one way to find out and that is from him, but you will have to be very diplomatic about this. You don't want to look to keen or to pushy and scare him off.
I think you should just be your normal self, try and put your feelings for him aside for a little while and just be the friend and person he knows. See if he makes any moves. You could always ask him in a very casual way"so when are we going to the movies" and monitor his answer and reaction very carefully.Maybe even mention something like" oh, I was looking forward to go to the movies with you", but very casual.
I do think you should try to relax and not expect to much to soon. Just take it very easy and try to be less anxious.
Sometimes guys can sense the anxiety and might interpret it wrong. Just be yourself, relax and see what happens.
In closing, think of the words by Isak Dinesen:
" I think these difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes around worrying about are of no importance whatsoever".
Enjoy and value him as a friend and let time solve the rest. Hopefully you will have an answer sooner then later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): hi there,
thank you so much for answering me! it's like this: last week i've tried to ask him out just to talk, but he didn't get back to me on whether he is available or not, so therefore i just took it as a "no", and presently i just left things the way they are now (we didn't get to meet each other)...
but i recall 2 weeks ago, when we met in church after service, something happened. a friend of mine in the same group lost his newly bought mobile phone, and he is currently unemployed, so out of concern i proposed to give him my brand new mobile phone which i have with me right now.
when he (the guy that i like) heard that, he told me that he also lost his mobile phone. i asked him if he really did lose his phone, and then he asked me (what if) if he really did lose his mobile phone, will i also give him my brand new phone as well? i was shocked when i heard that because i did not expect him to say such things, and also i really cannot figure out what he is thinking about. could he be giving me hints or what? i'm not sure...
can you please tell me what to do now from here?? since for now, asking him out might not be the best solution. maybe i should just leave things as they are? or treat him as an ordinary friend?
i really hope that that u can enlighten me once again. thank you so much.
a lost young lady
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