A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. I was surfing the internet this morning on our computer, when I came across something which really upset me.The computer is a new one and I've never notice before but it has a Google toolbar on Internet explorer that displays what terms you've searched for in a drop down box.I looked at this and I found one thing in particular that upset me. He'd searched for a gay dating site specifically by name. I'm not a snooper so I don't know if he actually logged in or even if he has an account. But I do know 100% that he did not accidentally come across it or anything like that. I am just so angry and confused as to what would make him want to even think about looking at a website like that. I really though we were both happy. We've just bought a house together and everything!I spoke to his Mum (she lives with us) about it and she says that she thinks he needs to make more of an effort and that me and her have a better relationship than I do with him.I understand where she is coming from to be honest. I spend more time with his Mum than I do with him and she is more talkative and helps in the house. He does very little to be honest and can be complacent about it. He can be very off hand at times, then change and be really nice and / or apologetic.I really love him though and I don't want to believe he could be unfaithful but how can I trust him now? I would really appreciate your advice.Thanks in advance,Sammy
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female
reader, wantout  +, writes (6 November 2008):
My husband had been online looking at adult sites, checking womens profiles, and now it's turned out he started emailing these women for sex, it's so easy now to hook up with people online, if the temptation is there he might go for it one day, like my husband did, now we are in the middle of getting separated.
Make sure you put your foot down now, and don't give him permission to look at that stuff online, even if you think it's just inocent, nothing like that is inocent.
If he won't stop then your relationship will be in big trouble. I hope I'm wrong for you. Why do he need to look at that stuff anyway, are you doing it? I bet the answer is no, because you are happy with your life with him.
Good luck..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): I do agree with many of the Aunts below. Do other people use this computer? If not, and you are certain it was him who did this..can you not just communicate calmly and with respect for each other and ask him. Icelordess took the words out of my mouth, about "jumping the gun" But I was about to say, "don't jump to conclusions".
Listen, there are a ton of heterosexual men in very good, loving relationships, that will occasionally allow their normal human curiosity get the better of them..and they will check a site like this. Us gals do the same thing. We look into sites, that would shock and amaze, the people we love...lol And usually, in most cases, it's a momentary, one-time thing. Guys do the same thing. I am very serious about that. The internet had laid the world out at our feet and I have to say..some of the eye-opening things we stumble across are just too interesting or good to pass up, without taking a quick peek. If this is the first time you have seen these key words, take some time to really get your thoughts down pat. Don't be angry and confront him. That's putting him on the spot and it will only allow people on the hotseat to give most often, the worst answers. Truely, it could embarrass him. And it may cause him...to deny it all... thus digging a deeper hole for himself. Don't do that to someone you love, dear.
Clearly this incident disturbs you. You have a right to speak to him about anything in this relationship that troubles you and so does he. So can you could have a rational, mature serious discussion with him and and ask for his honesty? You can do that.. But in all honesty...If I were in your shoes, and I saw these 'keywords ' only one time, I would not bother even asking, at least not yet. But I would be on the look out for more of those 'keywords' if they popped up. My suggestion is to keep an eye out for that and talk to him, if it becomes obvious that he's visiting these sites a lot, then you talk to him. But prepare yourself, If he comes forward with the answer you don't want to hear..then you'll need to truely deal with the realities of the 'what’s next'.
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A
male
reader, seekinghelp  +, writes (5 November 2008):
Let me get this right? Your freaking out because he searched for a gay dating site specifically by name? I mean, there could be so many different reasons. He might have heard an add about it on the radio or something, making fun of it or something and wanted to see what the fuss was about. Or maybe the name of the site is the name of something else. Or, who knows really.
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A
male
reader, mustaine6 +, writes (5 November 2008):
maybe he was just curious? and why're you telling his mum bout your relationship problems? lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Here's a question you won't expect, but do you think you're more compatible with woman? You show signs of a great relationship with his mum.Do you think you could fall in love with a woman your age?
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A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (5 November 2008):
 Hey hun, try look at things this way, even tho your in love and would neva cheat on your man does that automatically mean your not allowed t look at something or someone else and not find them attractive? By all means if your guy was takin things a bit further than window browsing then id be worried. But if its just a bit of harmless lookin whats the worry in that, after all everyone does it. However, i do think you need t approach the subject with him, let him kno that there ARE boundries and he cant over step them. But remember looking is harmless. Dont feel threatened x
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (5 November 2008):
 You don't know that he has actually cheated on you. Although it seems like he could be interested, or he could be just looking at it?You need to talk to him and find out for sure he if still wants to be with you, it may all be innocent but you won't know for sure until you ask him.He may be a bit upset that you have spoken to his mum first though.Good Luck.
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