A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:helloi really need some help i dont have anybody to talk to.i just got married 4 months ago,my husband is 33 years and i'm 21 years old.my problem is that i can't trust my husband at all. i have been for a while obssesed with him cheating on me. we have a lot of fights about that and he swears he is not cheating on me. but i still have a strong feeling and i dont know what to do anymore.some of the signs that makes me believe that he is cheating is that for example:we live in a small apartment just the two of us, rarely people come visit, one day i realize there was eggs missing so i ask him how many eggs did you eat? (on his day off, i wasn't home) so he told me 2. but there was other 2 eggss missing, he didn't eat and neither did i. so he says he doesn't know who ate them. another day something like that but with waffles. so he came to the conclusion somebody might be getting in our house, because we just moved in and we didnt change the locks. but somebody came to steal food?? is ridiculous.tell me if i shouldn't suspect about that.lately im being obssesed about finding hairs. i used to be blonde 4 months ago but m hair is black now, and now im finding blonde hirs everywhere in my house. but i dont think they are mine beacuse i clean my house many times before and never really saw them..im really going crazy, we fight everyday about this, im becoming violent and very angry because i believe he is lying and he doesnt want to accept me the truth. but he inssists that he is telling the truth.should i believe him?there are no other signs of cheating, we talk all day in the phone we are everyday together,he never goes out alone. the only time he is alone is his 2 days off and im working, and i believe he brings somebody to our home and that idea drives me crazy, so i call him the whole day. but he says he would never do that, that he respects me too much. but i just CAN'T believe him. please help me. i don't want a divorce until i don't know the truth.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): HI, you do appear somewhat crazy as I don't think Hollywood has ever had a plot line where the wife was missing eggs and waffles and suspected an affair as a result. ROFLOL.
If you have an mp3 player that has a minimum of 1 Gb capacity and voice recording ability use it to record your suspected partner. Set the voice recording to the lowest resolution so it will last the longest (about 12 hrs for 1 gb) then put a fresh battery, leave it on record, lock it and hide it somewhere where it will be able to pick up a conversation but will not be visible. Whenever the recorder picks up sound it will record. Check it everyday and delete the recording for the next day. Always put in a new battery daily if you need to record 12 hrs.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (23 December 2009):
I must admit that you sound a bit psycho- but then again, people thought I was too. Here's what I did: I bought a dictaphone (voice- activated recording thingy), then I put it in a hidden place in his car. Then I purposely picked a fight that he is cheating on me and I am going to get proof today.
He goes off for the day as usual then later that evening I sneaked out to retrieve my device. I heard a lot of crap including "I am coming to f...you" (FOF LOL!!)
I didn't confront immediately but spent the next few days getting his cellphone records so I could find out who the woman was and ofcourse it was all over!!! So if you are as psycho as me, get a dictaphone ($30) or maybe a vase spy camera ($150). Then you can either stop ruining your new marriage or deal with whatever you find.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (23 December 2009):
 The behavior you are describing sounds like you may have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (counting eggs and pancakes, looking for hairs, etc.). The "evidence" of his cheating is flimsy at best, but the compulsion tells you otherwise and you get stuck in this thought pattern. The thoughts make you even more anxious and the cycle starts all over again. I have a friend with this same issue, so I understand how exhausting these thoughts and behaviors are for you--and how frustrating your accusations are for your husband.
You really should seek help from your doctor or a mental health professional to get an accurate diagnosis and discuss treatment options. Please do this before you destroy your marriage, because you're definitely headed in that direction.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): Your suspicions are going to wreck your marriage, why would your husband want to live this way? Especially if he isn't cheating. If he is, he will continue to deny it and all the fighting in the world will not bring out the truth, so it's really backwards to fight this way, you end up looking like the bad guy.If you suspect, don't confront him (he WILL lie), get evidence...mount a security camera, check his email, and for god's sake, if he is not cheating, give him a sincere apology! Putting someone through this is hell.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): Sweetie, I'm also 21 and I've been there.I loved my ex so much, I would have given him the world and more. He was perfect, wrote me love letters, left flowers at my door, took my on romantic picnics - everything - he was my best friend.We went to college together and after almost 2 years, I started having my doubts. He was starting to text a girl in my year a lot but put it down to the fact that they were in a project together and needed to communicate.After a lot of drama, I split up with him. I later found out the snake had been sleeping with this girl behind my back for 7 months. I felt like such a fool that I hadn't realized. I agree that violence cannot be justified so don't go about it this way. I think you need to try and have a calm and civilized talk with him and ask him to be honest or he could lose you.Trust your instinct. I didn't and had my heart broken. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 December 2009):
 I think you have some really severe trust issues.
Eggs missing from the fridge = cheating? Wow. If that is the best you can come up with as proof I think you have other issues as well. ( sorry if that is putting it bluntly.)
You should call a therapist/counselor and make an appointment.
YES, your husband could be cheating. It is possible. But consider this, what if he is not? What kind of marriage do you two have? Living long term like this is not going to work for you two. YOU are ruining your own marriage with this.
I would suggest you also find yourself some books on communication, relationship and trust if you do not want to see a therapist.
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A
male
reader, cdjudd +, writes (23 December 2009):
There is no justification to becoming violent. My ex of four and half years was like that with me. The trust issues with her never ceased, yet I never gave her any reason to not fully trust me and she would proceed with anger and violence. I will say we have instincts for a reason, however, I wouldn't react harshly until you have something to justify your thoughts of him cheating. When that time comes, you make a decision but jumping the gun can push him away and you can end up secluding yourself. But you have to trust someone in order to be happy. One thing though, most people will never admit they are cheating, period. I hope this helps, try to stay strong.
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