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Ignored at my best friends wedding and the year leading up to it.

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 July 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My friend of 20 years got married at the weekend. A year ago she got engaged and I was saddened that I read it on Facebook- she used to pick up the phone and tell me news visa versa. It has been a one sided friendship for many years- I'll invite her out or call to be let down or my calls ignored- when confronted she said 'oh you know I'm rubbish at getting back to people'.

She asked me to be maid of honour at her wedding- she had a year to plan, booked the venue instantly without anyone going with her bar mother and partner. I was devastated that she got the dresses bride and bridemaid whilst I was on a 3 week holiday in Brazil. She contacted me during Brazil- no how are you, just simply '' what night can you try on your bridesmaid dress in a group chat'! I was completely devastated!

Didn't see her for 6 weeks after I got back, she then asked me to try on the dress- she explained she didn't get the dress without me to hurt me but they were cheap on sale- mine was a size too big! She said she would rather pay for the alternations than spend lots. Within 10 minutes of me being at her house (hadn't seen her for nearly 3 months) she said 'I'm off to the gym now for a personal training session'.

The next stage was planning the hen do- I chose a spa night away for her (she didn't want to go abroad as she has 2 young children) and a night out. I made a group chat to secretly arrange it- 10 people could afford to go on the spa night- she then didn't want to go because the other 10 couldn't afford it! Even though these were the people who were not even invited to the wedding. We saw two girls from school who didn't like us- they were telling us how they had planned a hen do abroad for their friend- she belittled me saying why didn't I arrange that!

I said about going to the venue for some lunch as I would like to go before the wedding- she wasn't interested!

2 bridesmaids had their shoes, she arranged a day that I took off work to get the shoes and spend some time together as we actually hadn't property met up in 4 months- she had 2 hours before a personal training session again- there are 24 hours in a day!

The bride can't stand her sister in law and the lead up to the wedding was all about her- her own brother and sister in law didn't go because she was being so nasty.

7 weeks ago I launched my new working from home business- I invited people round for a product launch - for a company like Avon. A week before she said 'I'll let you know if I'm not working' that was the last I heard! No support!

We had our dresses altered so that was the only time all the bridesmaids spent the day together, I was very unhappy at work and quit my job so had limited money, 5 weeks ago she said I needed to pay for the dress- I didn't want to kick up a fuss but said I would have to cancel my room at the hotel and my make up as I couldn't afford it- she was happy for me to do that. The day before the wedding she said I had to pay a cancellation fee for my makeup that I what cancelled 5 weeks prior- I said I had no money and she said don't start on me! I have spent a total on her hen do, stuff for the hen do, my dress, at the wedding _ $900 dollars!

The wedding was on the weekend , we met at the salon,I ran up to her and hugged her - she put her arms up in the air. I went home to do my make up and then went to her mums where all her friends were having their make up done- I said 'hi everyone' to be ignored and everyone went quiet!

After the wedding , she asked for her and her new husband to have photos with one couple the another 'her best friends' I said what about me and my partner, she replied'yes and everyone else'!

We had food and then had drinks in another room, I tried to talk to her, she said 'hang on and never came back'. Then it was time to dance, I was stood by her , turned towards her and she grabbed another girl!

I got her a lovely present and card, non of the bridesmaids were even given a thank you card.

I left at 10.30 without saying goodbye- I had been ignored by her all day and later found out by 2 other girls she had been bitching about me all day, saying how I was useless and about now I couldn't afford the make up.

I have since put some pictures on the wedding- her and two friends that I tagged haven't reacted.

I have decided not to contact her as once again it will be me doing the running but I know I won't hear from her again and I don't need this toxic person in my life but it is upsetting how she has treated me all year.

Has anyone else been through this?

View related questions: at work, best friend, cheap, engaged, facebook, money, sister in law, wedding

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

Best friends can be like that purely out of jealousy and if you find yourself in that situation the best thing you can do is to cut your losses and move on!

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (29 July 2016):

N91 agony auntShe doesn't sound like a friend at all, sounds like a complete bitch to be fair ! If I were you I'd just move forward without her in my life, it will probably end up being a lot more positive.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2016):

Maybe she felt she couldnt un-involve you since she had asked you to play an important part in her wedding , She didnt sound bothered with the effort you had made for her or the fact you had to pull out of some things you had organised but everyone else could still do , it sounds like the friendship has out grown its self . If i was you i wouldnt make any effort for her again dont invite her along to things , see if she invites you then if you feel like going, go . If she wants you in her life she will make the effort if she doesnt then move on , im not saying just blank her im saying stop making effort and do things with your other friends

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (27 July 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntReally your best bet is just to end this friendship and be done with it, I can see wrong on both sides here, so it really was not all one sided, but I think now you just need to accept that this friendship is over. If you are not wanting to put in the effort and neither is she then leave it at that. Many of friends fall away from each other as they get older, you both upset each other, and well maybe you will come back from it one day, but if you don't want to make the effort then the best thing to do is end this friendship and focus on other ones.

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