A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner for quite some time now and we're beginning to talk wedding and family wise. Thing is, I think he's too scared to propose to me. He's given himself so many opportunities, but then backs out and says something else.I was thinking about proposing to him, but I'm worried people would think wrong of me seeing as its the classical 'man propoose to woman' thing these days. I'm so confused and don't know what to do! Someone please help me!
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female
reader, sarah w +, writes (20 July 2008):
 you can propose,but wont there be that little voice in your head that says.."why didnt he! im all for girl power and all that jazz ..but realy where is the champagne ,the sparkler and the cheesey band at the restraunt with him on one knee! (you know you want that!)send me the invite !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers for your advise guys... Kinda made me think twice...I am a little young to be thinking all this.
I'll talk to him and see where we're going etc.
Again...Thank you...You made me see sense. =]
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Darling!!! Why on earth do you want to get engaged at your age? By all means have fun hanging out with your fella, but you are far too young for that sort of commitment.
You have got years ahead to get married, I am not lecturing you hun. I am just saying that I was 19 when I got engaged and 20 when I got married and had my son, by the time I was 22 I was married with two children and by the time I was 29 I got divorced.
I am 40 now and my kids are nearly 20 and 18, I am also a grandmother :D of a beautiful baby girl who is 2 months old, awwwwww I'm going all gooey now lol. But seriously wait a few year my darling and I am sure it will worth the wait.
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A
female
reader, xxkissxx +, writes (20 July 2008):
hey chick
im going to be honest with you, whethr you have been with this guy for 5 years it could still go horribly wrong sorry to say ive just become engaged and had a baby but it not all plain sailing with a young baby we argue but we are stronger than ever but im not looing to get married for a very long time theres no rush iv just turned twenty, all im trying to say is he will propse to you but there no need to rush things, the fact that he hasnt done it yet is that he may be afraid that you are going to say no and change your main he may also be worried that he is still to young (but not change his mind) and that he wants to wait a bit longer, speak with your boyfriend and tell him that you will wait for him as you feel that you are going to be together forever
hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (20 July 2008):
 lol I just noticed your age! I was with someone long term when I was younger. I was CONVINCED he was The One, we got engaged, did all that...But we broke up in the end, we were too young and needed to experience other things. I'm not saying that this is you, but just keep in mind you have about 80 odd years ahead of you yet :o)
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A
female
reader, oikid11  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Well, even though you are young, that can't stop you. Men, aren't the brightest. They don't realize what they're doing, sometimes, until it is too late. Ask his opinion casually, and then take that into your view. But, I wouldn't recomend getting on one knee. Sit him down, and just ask him. But, be careful. Make sure he's the one.
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A
female
reader, Lily Moll +, writes (20 July 2008):
Give it time. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he'll propose. Maybe he's scared of more than just asking. Maybe he's not sure if the time is right. If you ask him, you don't change the fact that he's still not ready. I agree with starfairy-- "a watched pot never boils." It's hard, I know, but you've got time. Neither of you is on your deathbed, right?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Is the age bracket you gave correct? 16-17? Just to doublecheck, because there's a big difference in how people are going to react to your question. If you were in the 18-21, or 21-25 one, then you'll probably get very different answers.
Assuming that your age bracket is correct, you are still a bit young from my perspective. There's a lot of changes between the ages of 17-24 that happen as your body and your brain finish maturing. Who you are at this point may not be the person you'll be in 7 years. I agree with Uncle Phil that 25 is a good age to think about commitment like this.
Many marriages that happen when both partners aren't fully matured wind up in difficulty, because the partners wind up changing or growing out of recognition, out of the youthful state of mind they were in.
While I think it's great that you and he have been together for so long, it might mean that you are missing out on other opportunities for growth.
So let's tackle your question. Why isn't he proposing now? He keeps backing out for a reason. It may be a good idea to talk with him about what you think is happening. If you've been together for so long then I hope you two have a good communicating skilss between you.
He may just not be ready, and while he loves you, he may not be able to bring himself to ask the question, because once asked, you are on a road to a wedding. And that means that he will be tied to you forever. Maybe that's a really big responsibility that he's not ready to face yet.
So what if you ask him. The possible answers are 'yes', 'no', or 'I'm not ready yet.'
Suppose he says 'yes', you'll be worried that you were the one to push him into this before he really was ready. And he may resent the fact that you weren't able to let him do the traditionally male role in proposing. Not that a woman proposing is a bad thing, mind you. I'm madly speculating here.
Okay, what if he says 'no'. It's a possibility you need to be prepared for. He may not be ready for this big step you're ready to take, and he'll say 'no'; how will you cope with that? This is important, because you really need to be ready for this eventuality.
If he says 'maybe'; well, then he knows what you're expecting, and this will put a great deal of pressure on him to decide. And again, I go back to the notion that he's not ready yet. You'll be angry and feel hurt and rejected if he says 'no' or 'maybe'. It's really a lose-lose situation for him if he says either of those words. The only 'correct' answer would be 'yes'. But if he were really ready for this, he'd be able to get over his fear and doubts and uncertainty and ask you.
So then he may be feeling pressured by you to do something he's not ready for. I seem to be saying the same words over and over again. He may just not be ready for such a big step.
Me in your shoes, I'd ease off the commitment pressure, give him some time to think about things. Are you two going to uni, are you finished with your education? Do you have career goals and jobs and mutual life goals and all that stuff?
You really do have your whole life ahead of you, so I have to ask, what is your rush?
Hope this helps somewhat, good luck!
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (20 July 2008):
You can either push it and propose yourself, or try to relax about it, forget it, and let it happen when he's ready :o) Don't keep waiting and expecting it, it'll make waiting for it to happen worse...Remember a watched pot never boils :o) xx
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 em...wait? you're so young - slow down!! its ridivulous to start thinking of marriage and a family at your age, slow down and live your life before you bring another one into it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've been with this guy for 5 years and the relationship is still getting better.
I know you say I'll wish I'd taken your advise, but from the facts that we've been together for this long, not argued once, love each other unconditionally and our parents get on and tlak about us getting married etc all the time...Doesn't this mean anything or is is still 'puppy love'?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): Give over! You're not nearly old enough to think about getting married yet! You've got some life to lead first.
May I suggest, as ridiculous as it may sound to you, that you don't even think about marriage until you're an absolute minimum 25 years of age? I know it's a long way off for you yet, but get married before then and you'll wish you took my advice.
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