If he has such deep feelings for me, why hesitant about a relationship? I need to knw-Is he playing with my emotions and using his recent break-up as an excuse?

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Okay so this might be fairly long, but I'll start from the beginning anyway. I have this guy bestfriend and we've been messing around for 4, almost 5 months now. Last year we were just friends and he was in a relationship, but whenever we got the chance to hug he would always try to grab my behind sneakingly (I didn't allow it to happen because I had much respect for his girlfriend, even though she was just an acquaintance at the time)and when we would text he'd constantly flirt with me (he's a flirt too). So around the beginning of October him and his girlfriend were having problems. During this time he got me to admit that I like him, but eventually he admitted that he like me also (But he told me NO ONE was allowed to know because it's one of his secrets). Unfortunately, his girlfriend ended up breaking up with him at the end of November and he was terribly heartbroken. Of course I comforted him like a good friend would, which lead him to come to me for girlfriend affection. We became closer, such as kissing (he made the first move) and him always wanting to touch me. I begin to feel like I was just a rebound and I had talked to him about it, but he denied it and said I wasn't. I would always be opened with him and tell him how much he means to me, but on the other hand he wasn't expressing the same emotions I was (he claims he LOVES the fact that I express myself to him). He told me that he's afraid to express himself to me because he doesn't want to get hurt again and that he really does have DEEP feelings for me (which is understandable), but at the same time he's very sexual with me. But at the end of the day I'm always left confused. Now look, problem 1: I've talked to him about us starting a relationship together and he told me that he wants me but can't have me because of how he feels about relationships right now. So I accepted that at the time since he wasn't over his ex. Understandable. Problem 2: There has been times when he made sexual comments about other females and he KNOWS I can become jealous about certain things and so I recently talked to him about it when it happened again and I told him he can say whatever he wants but just not around me because I felt disrespected (Can't stop him from saying what he wants). Instead, he told me that it's stupid for me to get upset about it because we're not together but he "understands"(True, we aren't together, but that doesn't mean he can say whatever he wants around me when he knows how I feel about him, especially when I would NEVER disrespect him in anyway) and he no longer wanted to discuss the matter. So I told him when I do express myself (he always gives the comeback of us not being together so what's the purpose of my attitude) he get mad but when I don't he still get mad and he's never satisfied. So he told me to let him be unsatisfied and that's what I've been doing. A lot of time he'll purposely do something that he knows will bother me and finds it funny when I'm mad. Problem 2: He STILL don't want anyone to know we mess around and it's quite clear to those at school that we do, but he denies that we have anything going on. His excuse for that is he doesn't want the "drama" so he prefers it to stay a secret. Problem 3: I have this friend and she's pretty close to him and she has recently told me that he complains to her and her boyfriend how he WANTS a girlfriend and how lonely he is and that he still not over his ex and she's completely moved ON (Me and her are closer than before and whenever I need someone to talk to she's there to comfort me, but he doesn't know). I wasn't in such a good mood that day and he wanted to know what my deal was but I didn't tell him, so he said he wanted to know because I always have something to say and now that I don't have anything to say anymore it upsets him because he likes girls that always have something to say sometimes. Problem 4: There are times when I feel used like I don't mean anything to him, but when he gets in his "lonely" moods while we text he tells me how he wants to hold me and wants me to come over and just lay with him. What's really his problem? Is he just confused?

View related questions: flirt, heartbroken, his ex, jealous, kissing, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011):

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