A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi. So I know this question isn't really about relationships and sex but this sites by far my favourite and I figured you guys would be helpful. Im 17 and supposed to be starting university next September - I say supposed to because I'm completely lost, have no personal statement prepared and have lost my drive for going to university. I'm in my second year of a levels and in a part time job. Last year I was certain about everything, I was to finish my alevels, go to university and then progress into my dream career. Seemed like the perfect plan but now I have no desire to pursue it anymore. At least not right now. Im confused I guess you could say. Whilst not a cause for concern, my grades are not good enough to get into any top universities, my family is forcing the idea that university is the only option right down my throat, in a very hypocritical manor. Nobody seems to be listening to what I actually want. Im not scared about university, but im not the slightest bit excited either, which surely I must be. I seem to be getting looks of disapproval from everybody when I tell them that I dont know what I want to do with my life yet. I was hoping to take a year out to figure that out, which nobody seems to be supporting me on. I'm confused about who I am and who I want to be and to be honest I think going to university straight away to study something I'm not interested in will just make that confusion worse. I think I need a year to reflect on who I am, regain my drive and prepare a little more for further education. Is that so bad?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 Nope nothing wrong with that. If you can afford to take a year out to find yourself then you do that. As long as you can afford to look after yourself and be independent then go for it.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 November 2016):
 I'm with Honeypie - a gap year can be great, but only if you use it to figure out what you want to do by actually working somewhere.If you were my child, I would be disappointed if you took a year off to do nothing work-wise. I don't think continuing your part-time job would help you, unless you try other things too.I'm not sure how he arranged the financial support, but my boyfriend was 21 when he started college again. He'd done it at 18, but taken a gap year when he realised he wasn't ready. He also changed courses within the transfer time; he'd started on one that he was sure of, then decided (after about a month) that it really wasn't for him and he managed to get transferred on to something completely different, which he's happy with now.I haven't gone to university - though it wasn't my choice, I know now that it wouldn't have been right for me, anyway. I've continued with my education by taking night classes to specialise in sign language and will soon be looking for a job in it.If you want a gap year and you want to be taken seriously about it, you'll have to create a detailed plan about what you'll do instead. Don't just write "I'll get a job"; you need to be more specific - "I'll look for ____(carer/nursery assistant/maid/etc.)____ jobs in local ____(elderly care homes/children's nursery/hotel/etc.)____", "I'll volunteer at ____(animal rescue centre/hospital/school/etc.)____" and/or "I'll take classes in ____(plumbing/computing/hospitality/etc.)____".A gap year is only a gap from university, not from work and/or education.The more prepared you are, the more likely they are to accept your decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2016): I had no clue at 17 what I wanted to do although I knew University wasn't for me. Fortunately both my parents, who had degrees, knew it wasn't necessarily for everyone and let me go to work. I still find it strange that we put so much pressure on 17 yr olds, who know nothing of the adult world, to know what exactly what job they want to do for the rest of their life. I also live in the UK and know that getting a degree seems to be pushed as the only way of getting a job, however we are now moving away from that due the realisation that a high number of graduates lack employable skills and the severe skills shortage in the trades.My son didn't go to Uni as he isn't particularly academic but has great practical skills and is very hard working. My friends were somewhat dismissive of this and while their sons did pointless degrees in subjects that haven't led to decent jobs he qualified as a plumber and has never stopped working. In fact he was the first of his friends to have enough money for a mortgage. He's now studying to become a Master builder.If you want to go to Uni but have a year off my advice would to be have some sort of a plan before you talk to your parents. Their worry is that you want to doss about for a year and be in the same position you are now so prove them wrong. Getting some sort of job is invaluable. Even with a degree most employers want you to have had work experience and it would give you money for tuition fees. You'll also be a year older and have spent a year in the adult world so will have a more mature outlook. Also please do some research and chose a degree that will lead to some sort of employment. I have the job of screening candidates for interview for my employer and the number of young people who seem to think that any old degree in a pony subject will get them a job is laughable eg don't do sports science unless you want to be a PE teacher or work in a sports centre etc. It won't get you a job in an office or as an engineer. If you have no idea do something general so you don't end up having to re-train again. I know someone pushed into nursing because the fees are paid yet never did a days nursing and is now training to be a teacher. That doesn't look good on a CV and is not only a waste of tax payers money but a waste of 3 yrs.You need to emphasise to your parents that any old degree doesn't get you a job these days. Employers look at graduate applications quite carefully and want proof that you have a work ethic (work experience), make good choices (haven't got a degree in a non subject) and can show they've made a good use of their time but not necessarily in an academic institution.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (7 November 2016):
 OK. I am puzzled slightly. On the one hand you say you would be going to Uni to help you get into your "dream career". On the other hand you say it is something you are "not interested in." I took a gap year of a different kind as I couldn't decide what I wanted to do. I went to college to do a one year (very general) business studies course then, based on what I learned there, went to Uni to study certain subjects more and gain qualifications in them. I found the "gap year" brilliant as it showed me what I wanted to do next. I am assuming you mean a gap year of no studying, and that I can fully understand as I remember my brain being totally frazzled by the end of my A levels and thinking that I didn't want to study ever again! Honeypie as usual talks a lot of sense. Decide what you want to DO. Have a plan on how you will support yourself. Do you have any friends who want to take a gap year as well? Could you support each other? If you go to your parents like a proper adult, with a proper plan, they are far more likely to take you seriously and listen than if you just vaguely say "Yawn . . . I don't know what I want to do . . . I think I will just do nothing for a year while I decide."
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 November 2016):
 I never attended university, heck I never even finished college and now I work for the largest gas transportation company in the U.K. Which will set me up for the rest of my life. I know lots of people that went to university that are in tons of debt and don't even work in the field of their qualification. I was discharged from the military before applying for an apprenticeship in the above job which I got.
Some parents are just set in their ways that you need to do this, this and this and if you don't then you've failed or you're making a mistake and they don't realise that there's many different ways that you can go about things.
If you want to take a gap year then do it. It's your life and if you don't feel prepared to go into uni or you want to re go over your future then take your time to do so. It's not your parents who Will be doing the work, it's you. If they're forcing you into doing something that you don't want then it could cause some bad feelings.
This is a big decision, so you need to have a good think about this and be able to convince your parents about why you're choosing what you are as they're hard to please and Coke think you're making a mistake, but ultimately this is your happiness that is in question and it's coming down to your future and no one else's.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 November 2016):
 I took a year off and spend it working at a hotel in London ( I'm from Denmark by the way). My parents wanted me to do one thing and I wanted another path so I too was very unsure. I told them that much and then set about to find something to do for that year - there is no way my parents would have had me just lounging around for a year.
So I wrote a couple of hotels in London (the HR dept.) and got an interview set up. I had money saved up that I used to fly over and do the interview. I had with me a number of phone numbers, addresses in case I didn't get the first job I applied for. Because I WAS determined to do this. Why work at a hotel? Well, I had a little experience from back him with a tiny family operated hotel and I had the desire to do something different. Anyhow... I got the job and I worked there for a year. I ALMOST stayed on to do an in-house program, but I kind of knew that the hotel business was fine, but not what I really wanted to do, and... I wanted to get home.
I ended up going for the degree my parents suggested (which I do regret) but I finished a double bachelor and started working 15 days after graduation.
So yes, I'm ALL for a gap year.
But not a year of doing nothing - that will NOT motivate you. So before you suggest this to your parents FIGURE out what you will be doing that year.
You just have to figure that out. Then "sell" it to your parents.
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