A
female
age
41-50,
*opo
writes:Dear CupidsI have been dating this guy for 1 5months. Our relationship seems to be going backwards instead of forward. This guy is really secretive and closed. We are always together most of the time and we do not have a problem spending time. What i realise is that our relatioship will never reach deep connection. He never tells me anything personal even though im very expressive and chatty. He knows a lot about me, i know a lot about him too, but I dont know the things that a girlfriend is supposed to know. This guy is also very bad with money. He has too much responsibility which he cannot share with me but he says he needs some time (6 months) to sort out his financial problems. The financial crisis is not really an issue. I have tried to communicate my concerns to him. My feelings have been going from hot to cold for the past 6 months, and I have reached a point where I am stuck with a relationship. I'm slowy loosing interest.We no longer have sex, even though he moved two hours away with work. We see each other almost every weekend... but I am dying inside.Recently I met this other guy. We have been dating for 2 weeks and I am convinced I like the new guy. He (the new guy) doesnt really approve of me seeing them both. I have not expressed to him, I only told him that I wish he can love me... I actually said I wish to date one of them in the longrun. I wish I can make up my mind without being coerced. I want the good man to win. But I would not risk dating this new guy alone. I need at least 2-3 months to sort things out... what do you suggest I do?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Rouge fille  +, writes (5 August 2008):
I think... you talk to much. All your boyfriedns know all your secrets. If you are not expressing everything that is on your mind... then they will probably value and respect you more (I know because I'm the same).
2. Be brave in life. If it does not work with 2nd guy you can always find someone else. Your first boyfriend certainly can not comfort you and he can make you going mental (I've been through this as well). You will not be happy and financial problems is a very serious thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): I suggest breaking it off with both of them to give yourself time to get your head together and have a breather.
I see an analogy here. You're abandoning a sinking ship and reaching for a lifeline on a lifeboat, and you're undecided whether or not to go back for your purse. Either way your lifejacket will keep you afloat so there's no need to make a decision one way or the other for a little while. You can stay afloat on your own for as long as you can tolerate the water temperature.
The only risk I can see in this menage a trois is the long-time partner finding out about the other guy and then all hell could break loose. It's not absolutely essential to have a man either on standby or standing by every day of the week, 365 days a year! Give yourself a break and do yourself a favour by clearing your head of them both. You can't see the wood for the trees at the moment.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): I'd suggest that you take the 2-3 months to sort things out. Obviously you're very confused and can't really think about what you need.
In the meantime, take a break from your boyfriend, see him less often or not at all and ask the new guy to take things slowly. When you figure stuff out for yourself, in the end you'll be better equipped to decide what you want, if either of these guys.
And there are no guarantees in life or love. Everything is a risk, you shouldn't be afraid to be alone without a guy and you can't mitigate that risk by dating more than one guy at a time. This is yet another reason why you need to take time off and sort things out.
...............................
|
