A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was friends with a girl for many years, even when we went apart to go to different colleges across the country. During this time, she got a boyfriend who lived in our home-town, she returned from college and they became very close. During the break, I expected to see her less as they were still in the honey-moon period, but it got completely ridiculous.I would arrange plans to say meet mid-day, and get a text hours later saying "opps, just saw my phone I can't make it" this is after I'd stood around and waited.When i did see her, it would be for an hour or less because she would want to shoo us away for when her boyfriend came over.I returned to college and tried my best to keep in touch, only my messages started to be ignored. When i returned home for the following break, these continued. She'd meet up rarely with our other friends, but never answered my messages or arranged catch up. Eventually I had enough, removing her off social media and deleting her number.Recently, I discovered she has started to put a lot more effort into other friendships with mutual friends we share, although this is only meeting up occasionally over a course of a month. She has confinded in other friends she believes the friendship ended between us because I was 'leaving her out' and was not interested in 'making the effort to see her' when I was home from college. This has obviously enraged me and I want to confront the girl for the neglect of our friendship and why I am being blamed. I also want to know why I was the only one who was continously ignored out of all of our mutual friends. Except, I feel by cutting off contact I have already ended the situation. Should I bother questioning the past to release my anger towards her? And if not, how can I cope with the resentment of losing my friend and her treating me so poorly in the process?I feel I need to get this off my chest in order to move on, but i worry the ship has already sailed!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): Forget this friend.She is chopping and changing and your boat has sailed off to college and the future world of work.Maybe her boat has sunk..who cares,but why waste anger and emotion n a female friend for nothing other than having a few friends in common who she can have a moan to.I would harden my heart and remember the times she left you standing like a lame duck when she couldnt be assed to get there to meet you.Keep steaming on ahead and ignore her mixed messages and moans and groans.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 August 2015):
 Enraged ? Enraged is a heavy word, I wonder why this bothers you so much.
You are disappointed that she chose to let go of your friendship, but these things happen, all the time. Not every friend you make will be a friend for life, at some point either one may evolve in different directions, or prioritize other interests/ persons over the friendship, or find out that the bond is not so solid or vital to justify making big efforts to keep it. That's just ...life, I guess. I can imagine , in fact,O know, because it happened to me too, as to most people , that the ditched friend may feel a bit hurt ( mostly in their pride ) but , no need to take it so personally as if she had said or meant: " You are worth nothing ". That's not what she meant by her bevahiour, she might have meant " My boyfriend is worthier than you to me " but... hey, that's her choice which does not reflect on your value as a person, and the best comment from you would be " (Shrug )Her loss ".
I understand that you are feelong annoyed because she is giving a different version of what really went on , but :
a ) that might be her in good faith version of how she sees what happened. After all, she was flaky but your other common friends did not block her and cancel her , as you did instead ( and maybe that's why she resumed contacts with them ). Now, I feel there's no right or wrong here. If you feel that you have no time or taste for flaky people, you did very well in cutting her off totally. But maybe she feels that a good friend is patient, tolerant and forgiving, and is someone you can go back on and off when the various pressures in your life allow it.
b ) or, as Honeypie says, she realizes that this ( her version ) is not what happened exactly, but refuses to take responsibility and to own her actions. Well, what would the point be to pick up a feud and rehash old grudges with someone like that, who is not your friend anymore and that you would not WANT as a friend anymore ? . If she is useless ballast, then just ditch her and fly unfettered.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 August 2015):
 No, don't bother.
SHE knows why your friendship ended, she just isn't willing to OWN her actions (aka take the "blame") - it's EASIER to make you the "bad guy" as she doesn't socialize with you any more.
Some friend are for life, others are not. She... is not.
You know this poem?
-------------------
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
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You can move on, you already did. If any of your mutual friends bring it up, I'd tell that friend that if THAT is how "Susan" remembers it that is up to her.. Or just change subject... SCREW what "Susan" thinks or says.
Even if you DID tell her that she is a hypocrite or liar - she isn't going to change and you won't get your BFF back.
I'd just be glad for the friends you DO have and not worry about those whom you are no longer friends with.
Good luck.
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