A
female
age
30-35,
*essica1350
writes:me and my boyfriend been dating for 4 month now, almost 5, we got into a fight today because I was only being honest, I told him I want to talk to him on Sunday 1 on 1 through a txt then please tell me now but I wanted to tell him over the phone or in person but he want to know now so I told him how I feel over the txt, that I love him and I just want to be honest with him about my feeling so I told him that, it kind of annoy me when his friends always come over his house, I just want it just to be us and I dislike when he fall asleep on me when we at his house because I end up being bored, I want him to txt me more and go on Facebook more, I want him to call me more and talk to me on the phone more, I want him to talk more when we are out together, he never seem to listen to me or talk to me much but then he said he like for me to catch a bus and train all the way to X when it not safe for me to go to the city alone or on a train alone, I thought he like driving to my house to pick me up and then he said I should pay for my own foods but I have no money till I get a job and I never ask for anything because I know it will bother him and trouble him.....
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female
reader, Jessica1350 +, writes (25 June 2011):
Jessica1350 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbella, he was a good guy at the start but now he being a not true guy.....he a safe driver and he live 45 mins away from me, he never go to bed early so that why he always tired and he work in a hotel but Thank you for telling me what you said :)
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 hi Jessica,
This guy is sure taking you for granted and not being a gentleman. What is his problem? I presume you do not have a car, but he does? And he lives some distance away. If he's serious then why can't he pick you up, as long as he has not lost his car license due to driving offenses?
Though I also suspect that he does not have a lot of cash if he is squabbling over a few dollars? Or he is particularly mean
with money? Or he is trying to distance himself from you? Any way one looks at it he is not being a gentleman. Since when does a guy invite his friends over to visit when you are at his home on a date? Hello? And what kind of guy goes to sleep on you, when he is on a date with you?
Once again he is not sounding as committed as you.
Of course you should not be expected to compromise your safety to visit him. That is so unreasonable and disrespectful of him.
Asking him to be more attentive may possibly drive him away more. But the fact that you felt the need to ask tells me that he is not on your wave length and that is not good.
As much as you like him I do think that you need a much more emotionally engaged, more respectful, more attentive, more caring guy. A guy willing to demonstrate his feelings and show how much he cares. Guys who adore their girl cannot do enough to make their girl feel good. This guy behaves as if those things are not important to him.
I think you did the right thing to be honest to him. Now it is important that he shows you the depth of his caring (or not) by his responses in the coming week, to your honesty. It is up to him. If he is not willing to be more emotionally engaged then then you are right to question his commitment to you. Don't be too willing to visit him, until he has shown by his actions, that he understands and has empathy for you and your feelings.
Hope it works out well
Abella
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Create a safe place for him to open up and share himself with you. You need to be VERY aware as to how you're coming across. Odds are high that you're triggering him... or that he simply can't handle a relationship.
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