A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:the thing is i am 13 (14 on october the 26th) and i want a baby so much i cannot explain my feelings i know i am ready i have tryed to put it off by babysitting but that makes my feelings stronger i have looked it up on the internet and told my mum but i dont know where to turn to so i found this website online. I know i will be a good mum i have a boyfriend who i have been with for 3 years he is 16 (yes it is a sexual relationship) we have talked and he said he would like one to, we are truly soal mates and my mum said she does not want me to waste my life but she would surport me and get me home schooled while the babys young, people say wait a bit think about it have waited and thourght about it since i was 12 i think i would be doing the right thing by just having sex with my boyfriend unprotected till i became pregnant i am grown up for my age and well developed with been 32 DD in my breasts i just want gidance and your storys thanks xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014): I wonder what happened here. I ask because this person should be 18 right about now.
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female
reader, CheeZecurlyQ89  +, writes (27 August 2009):
I know what you mean. I want a baby too, and I'm sixteen. I am no better than you because I feel the exact same way. The only difference is that, if I have a baby, I have already covered my tracks. I have a car, a license, a will have a place of my own, I am engaged, I am graduating a year early, and have a steady, reliable job. If I have a baby it will be the biggest challenge of my life, even with all of these factors.You sound like you want to be the teen mom who can proudly say, "I raised my baby all on my own, and did a damn good job." But you wont be able to. Not when you'll be living under your mom's roof, bumming rides from her, are (probably) under her insurance (which probably doesn't cover teenage pregnancy), she'd be paying the thousands of dollars in medical bills, and she'd be the one buying formula at $20 a pop(because breast feeding is 1000X harder than you think). I know you don't want to listen, and you think you have all the answers (like me) but neither one of us do.In 15 years you'll look back and be like, "oh my gosh, I'm so glad I waited... now I can enjoy my pregnancy without constant stress or bodily harm." You will be confident that your baby is big and healthy, compared to severely premature, or even dead... you simply are not old enough to handle miscarriage or stillborn. What if something terrible happens to your boyfriend and he ends up paralyzed or in a coma or dead? You haven't mentally or emotionally prepared yourself for it and you don't think it will ever happen to you. And even if your baby lives, you could die (for any number of terrible reasons). Bottom line, you want to be able to actually raise your babies, and be able to enjoy every single second of it without stress, bodily harm, or prejudice (cuz lets face it, most people who see a 13/14 year old mom think trailer park trash). I just want to put in perspective how drastically your plans can change. you can go from thinking you'll be a happy family to being single, having a dead baby, and being unable to ever have children again. How terrible would that be?
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 August 2009):
 I know you are not 10 - I was just showing that you were 10 when you supposedly started "dating" your boyfriend. That is an impossibly young age to have a meaningful relationship.
I would say NO ten year old is capable of having a relationship with a boy. Yes, they may be great friends, cuddle, kiss each other on the cheek, etc, but it is just PLAYING. It is not real, and you have confused reality with fantasy. Like you play house, or doctors and nurses, you play at being "grown up". You play at having a relationship. I think you have taken the play a step too far for your young age. You have been taken in by a LEGAL 16 year old boy, who is a bag of hormones and would sleep with anything if he could get away with it. He has taken advantage of you, and your naiveity. Sadly, you are the one that will suffer because of this, as you are far too young to understand the full implications of this situation.
I fully realise that you will probably not listen to a word that any of us has said to you, and will go ahead and get pregnant "because you are SOOOO GROWN UP", but one day you will look back and realise, actually we were right.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 She means because she lives in the USA her taxes wont be going towards paying for you and your baby. You see when a teenager has a baby you get benefits from the government to look after it because you cant afford to look after it yourself, but these benefits come from the taxpayer i.e. people like me. So I go to work every day and earn money, some of it gets taken away in taxes and then when silly little girls get pregnant unfortunately our taxes go towards paying for your mistakes. So when the money could be used for fighting cancer, or helping put more nurses in hospitals - instead it goes to children who are foolish enough to have babies at stupidly young ages.
Us as the taxpayer would rather our money was spent properly by the government on important things instead of paying for teenagers to have babies. I know this may be difficult for you to understand but the government is struggling at the moment due to the recession to find money to fund things like the NHS, police, schools etc. Therefore they need as much money as they can get from the taxpayer to fund these crucial public services. So when a kid wants a baby it seems pretty selfish and wasteful to spend thousands and thousands of pounds paying for your baby when there are people dying from terrible illnesses that need the money much more than you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat do you mean ' eyes wide open' i am 13 not 10 i started my period at 11 to the person who asked x
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 August 2009):
 At least this is one welfare mother I won't have to pay for. Sorry to my pals living across the big drink.
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female
reader, Leighann_ox +, writes (19 August 2009):
Hmmm - 'i am grown up for my age and well developed with been 32 DD in my breasts'
So having 32 DD breasts makes you a grown up nowadays?
Just because you have massive jugs doesn't mean you're physically or mentally developed enough to have a child.
You've been in a relationship since aged 10? I was still playing with Barbies then, whatever happened to kids growing up and giggling at the word sex instead of having it.
You're boyfriend is 16 and he's having sex with a 13 year old girl? That is seriously wrong, he is severely breaking the law there and you having a baby and naming him as the father could put him in serious law enforcement issues.
If your mum is offering to get you home schooled so you can have a baby what does that say about how mature she is herself? That is absolutely ridiculous!
Yes you should wait, get an education, get a job maybe go to uni and perfect your life. Get your own house your own car and ENJOY life. You don't need a baby to make you happy.
I don't want the money that I pay in taxes to pay for another person's child, along with a house that I'LL provide for you, with the countless other people who have sense enough to wait until they're old enough.
Get a dog instead.
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reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 August 2009):
You are 13 Years old, and have been dating the same guy for 3 years?
Hmm... so you were 10 YEARS OLD, when you first started "dating"????? I dont know about anyone else, but I find that heartbreaking. Whatever happened to childhood.
This is just wrong on so many levels. Apart from the Obvious one, that;
A) Legally your boyfriend is breaking the law by having sex with you, as you are underage (yes, believe it or not you are under 16! THIS MEANS YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX. Did you know that? Or are you willfully breaking the law because you think you are grown up and therefor above the law? Someone could actually report your boyfriend, and he could be arrested, charged with rape, and then be put on the sex offenders register. His life will be ruined. Do you want that. The fact that you willfully want him to impregnate you just makes this fact even worse, and would probably go against him as well.
B) Your Mother is actually supporting you on this? I think she is crazy! To encourage your underage daughter to have a child, to be frank, smacks of child abuse in itself. It is certainly not the actions of a caring parent.
C) Physically, you cant have hit puberty that long ago? How long have you been having periods? Your body is not ready for the stresses and strains of childbirth. Your pelvis is not fully developed, neither is your BRAIN by the sounds of it. You could be doing yourself serious damage, and may even limit yourself with having more kids in the future. DO YOU WANT THAT?
I think you need to go and see your GP to talk it through from a medical point of view. If you dont believe us, maybe a doctor will make you see how DANGEROUS it is for both, you and the baby. DO you realise that you could actually DIE if things go wrong in childbirth? Being young, you are at a much greater risk. And if you say no, to seeing the Doctor, then there is no-way you will ever be able to have a child, as Doctors are a fact of life with childbirth. You also need to see a councillor. You seriously need help to talk this through with someone on a more personal one to one level. Your school probably has one - make an appointment and go and talk to them.
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 August 2009):
Sweety you cant get a job in the UK until you are 16. Each time you post a comment to all our answers you just keep on proving that you are not mature enough for a baby! And as for breast feeding - you can breast feed with large or small boobs, all women can breast feed! Please for the love of god dont have a child just yet!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): You are a foolish child.You are not going to listen to any of us, and it is plainly obvious you are not mature enough to cope with a baby. You are totally deluded, and have confused I think you need to learn about the facts of life.1. It doesnt matter HOW BIG your boobs are now. This does not make a blind bit of difference when it comes to breastfeeding. When you are pregnant, the hormones your body produces will actually make your boobs grow bigger. Did you know that? So your boobs are now 32DD.... you can probably bet they will swell up to about FF, possibly even bigger. One woman I know got to an I cup when she got pregnant. It was horrific. She got a bad back, pain in her legs all because the weight of the boobs. She was a 32DD when before she got pregnant. This could happen to you too. Can you imagine how much that cost to get bras? The fact that you DO NOT know this, means that you are ill prepared to have a baby. 2. Having a baby is not just a case of "popping one out".Morning sickness, constipation, stretch marks, moodiness, back pain, swollen ankles.........I would suggest you actually go and talk to some pregnant mothers. Let them tell you ALL the gorey details.3. YOU ARE 13 for crying out loud. No job you get at this age will support a baby. Even women on proper salarys struggled. You are so very naive. You really have no idea of the costs involved. How much do a pack of nappies cost? How many will you get thru a day? Clothes, food, medicines, cots, car seats, toys. - god forbid what happens if you get twins??? BOTTOM LINE IS, YOU WANT A DOLL TO PLAY WITH. A real child is nothing like what you are imagening. You cant give it back. You are feeling natural hormones, and because you are a child, you think you are wanting a baby. You dont. When its done, you cant go back on it.If you really want to prove that you are as "MATURE" as you say you are, then you will wait. If you ignore our advice, you WILL ruin your life. And we will be able to say we told you so, but you refused to listen. You are just being a selfish, spoilt brat. You are not thinking about the child you may have,as you have not considered the situation you might be bringing it in to. Its wellbeing, its welfare and the life you cannot provide for it is all down to you. You are only SELFISHLY thinking of your own wants and "needs", because if you cared at all about the future child, you would know that you are far too young!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey
i know that having big boobs isnt a reason to get pregnant i said that because i would be able to breast feed, i am looking for a job and have put my name down in a few places and all the money a make is going into the bank to save up, because i have listen and although my mum has a good paying job i cannot burden her with this and my child would be mine to the person who said it wouldnt and to the person who said a wont listen yeah it might not stop me been a teen mam but it has made me get a job to help incase a baby does come into the world
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Your child wants to make lots of friends at primary school. Other parents will choose who their children associate with. It's not just the childs character alone. Many don't like their children mislead and cut their kids off from their friends who are young solo mums, as not achieved yet, and too young. Many have high expectations of others parents. So some kids say, I'm not making any friends and can only hang out in their flock at home. Some circles cut you off for non-achievement, what you don't have a career, what, you didn't finish school. You will limit your child's making of friends. My mother is a Judge, so every parent allows their kids over to my childrens nanas. And qualified in child behaviour. And I've had the same throughout my life. Don't limit your childs experiences of being around every-one. And if a young child has a bad friend and likes the friend, they should still be friends, until the teenagers decide which way they want to go in life later. Not all parents are as liberal. They will cut the little ones off just like that!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Having big boobs at a young age does not mean you are fit to be a mother.The fact that you think it does indicates that you are nowhere near mature enough to be a mother.That you are still in school and nowhere near finishing your qualifications indicates that you need to put off your desires for a few years more, so that you can ensure you will be a stable (both mentally and financially) mother.Honestly I understand your desires, the maternal feeling in you is obviously very strong and i do feel that you will be a good mother for your child, emotionally.But if you are anywhere near as mature as you make yourself out to be you will recognise that there is more to being a good parent than comforting your baby when it cries - you need to be able to provide for it, and bring it up right, which involves having a good base of experience behind you (which im afraid you just dont have at 13). I know youve said your own mother has promised to be supportive, but i urge you to think about what this means for her - having brought you up for 13 years you are now asking her to take care of your child for another how many years? She deserves to live her life how she wants to, not how your decision forces her to - do not let this baby be a burden to her, if you feel ready to be a mother you should be able to do it self-sufficiently.I really hope youve read this and all the other posts here thoroughly, because theres no point asking for advice if you are going to be stubborn and not take it. Good luck, i honestly hope you do what is best for you and your future child - and in my opinion it would be best if that meant a good few years in the future (though sure, dont stop enjoying protected sex with your partner now). xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Don't be so stupid. How is a 13 year old going to deal with adults like school teachers, headmasters,Drs about their kids when people in authority positions are such conformists. They will laugh you right out of their office. You will have no voice at your age for your child. It wont be your kid, it will have to be your mothers. And everyone will be looking at her strangely too. And I bet your family will end up monitored
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 August 2009):
Well perhaps try studying harder at school so you can actually spell and then one day when you do have a baby you can help it with its homework!
You must have read all the answers on here - not one person has told you it is a good idea to have a baby at your age. Do the sensible thing and wait until you are older - you can have a baby at any time in your life so just be sensible and wait. Your desire to have a baby will go away in a few months, it is just your hormones talking.
You have the option here to prove that you are mature enough to realise that having a baby at 13/14 is irresponsible and unfair to the child. If you are not mature enough to see that then I'm sure you will go ahead regardless of what we have all said and prove us all right by having the baby, taking benefits from the government (and hence taking the taxpayer's money from all us hardworking adults) and generally fitting the stereotypical teen mum image.
It would be wonderful if you listened to our advice and waited to have a baby, but I get the feeling you have already made your mind up and couldnt care less what we thought. You just came on here in the vain hope that someone would tell you that having a baby is a great idea, all you want is confirmation of your own ideas. And I am very sorry but you wont find that on this site.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey,
i have already said i have watched thoose 'underage and pregnant' and that makes my disiers stronger
ano my spellings not brilliant
i will get them dolls this year at school.
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female
reader, Jen, +, writes (16 August 2009):
 Having watched those BBC3 'underage and pregnant' episodes, it's clear that it's hard to manage a baby.
Your only 13. Why waste your childhood looking after your baby, when you could be off to college/university when your 18.
Looking after a baby is no Joke. I have 2 younger sisters 2 and 4. And just looking after them for mum at times is hell.
You being 13 is not fair to the baby. It's not fair when your child is 10 and telling their friends that 'my mums only 23' Knowing you gave birth to your child at 14 or whatever is not good. People think that society has changed to much and teenagers feel like they can have whatever they want when they want.
Are you financially capable of looking after your child if you give birth to one?
Will your boyfriend stick around for the entire time or just leave because the pressure is too much?
Will your friends stop hanging out with you because they think that your better off without them?
I'm not going to sit here and tell you what to do, but i can only advise you that this is a big step.
I don't want to sound like i'm forcing you not to have a a baby but if you want to make life easier for yourself then i really strongly believe that you shouldn't have a baby.
Good Luck.
Jen x
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reader, BadderzGirl +, writes (15 August 2009):
Oh my God, the number of times I have heard this story!First and foremost, YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX. You are underage and he is not. He can be charged with statuatory rape but after you're 14 I think it is a misdemeanor...Anyway, for freaks sake, have you not been watching any of the BBC3 programmes?! It is absolutely the most stupid thing you can do! I have a friend who got pregnant just as she turned 14 and IT WRECKED HER LIFE. She had to leave school because of bullying, her schoolwork suffered which meant she got no GCSE's and she's not attempting A levels, and she's completely broke and living with her parents. (She's twenty now)Her BF left her because he didn't want the responsibility of having a kid even though he planned the baby with her and she is so stressed out ALL the time!So take some of these reasons into account;Do you want a baby because it's a means of control and you own little person, or because you really want to look after it?Will your BF be supportive and look after you and the kid? IT'S A LIFETIME COMMITMENT and boys are naturally commitment-phobes (no offense to any non-commitment-phobes out there) because in their teenage years they're just totally horny.Do you have the money and the equipment/home/place to look after a kid? You're going to be living with your parents and do you really think they want another baby in the house screaming and crying? Take their view into account.You are NOT going to do well in school with a baby to look after. You're going to have to take maternity leave from school which will make you miss out on a whole lot of work. And you're not going to be very well qualified if all your attention is focussed on having a baby.Speaking of school; have you thought about bullying? The whispers my friend got were all 'Oh, look at that slut who got pregnant!' Do you REALLY want that?And I know most of this stuff will be completely cast aside by you but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE think every one of these things through, and only go ahead with the kid if there is a 100% chance of everything here working out.Anyway, my short answer is...WAIT.toodles!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): whoever said im saying what she wants to hear is wrong.i despise anyone under 25 for the record and im not going into detail as of why.i did not want a baby at her age,in fact i preferred the idea of staying away from them.i know that age is just a number,and i know if she wants to enjoy sex it is her choice not ours,and she has a right to enjoy doing so.but there are too many closed minded people on this site so im not going to waste time giving an explanation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Please listen to my story. i will keep it as short as possible.Iam 16, not a lot older than you, i am due to give birth in 10 days. I will tell you that even though you really want a baby (i did and i kinda got over it and then fell pregnant) you are too young both psychically and emotionally. I don't doubt you are a mature young girl who is with a nice boy and has a supportive mother BUT how long can you see yourself with this boy? 10 or 20 years?? Because i've been with my boyfriend for only 16 months and heck it does feel like a long time, and 3 years is a long time for a 13yo too!! (But i doubt he would stick around, afterall he is only 16)Also, you need to consider your education. Yes, it is possible.. but it's EXTREMELY difficult. I am doing my school certificate and if i don't complete it by February 2010 i fail. Another thing you need to consider is the cost of a baby.. mine isn't born yet and it's taken all my money lol. Unless you have a secure job you can't do it without struggling and at 13.. a maccas job doesn't cut it.You also need to think about your body.. yes it seems vain but your body is only developing still and after a baby you are left with stretch marks, excess fat in god knows how many places and a bladder that gives out every 15 minutes. I am not sure how well your body would react to childbirth at the age of 13 also as your pelvis would be extremely narrow. Babies are beautiful and no doubt they are worth all the crap you go through with them whilst pregnant and i am sure well beyond pregnancy.. but at 13, you have PLENTY of years ahead of you. It's harder, more expensive, dirtier and not as exciting as you think. I suggest you keep baby sitting, that way you can hand the baby back at the end of the day!! All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): I had my first baby when i was 18 & my boyfriend 17. We went on to have another baby when we where 20 & 19. I am now 33 with 2 teenage children. I am divorced from there father as we grew apart naturally and no longer had anything in common - our relationship with each other became ugly despite the fact that we needed to be able to communicate with each other for our childrens sake.
I am only just now getting back on my feet financially & career wise and my ex and i are only just able to communicate effectively and we have been apart 6 years.
You must understand that having a child is a full time job until they are capable of looking after themselves. Once you are pregnant their is no going back. Think about how you would feel if the baby was a non sleeper like my first child? How would you feel if your child was sick and needed to get to the hospital late at night? How would you get it there when you cant drive? There are sooooooooo many factors to consider, so many needs a child has that i dont think you have thought about. Perhaps instead of your mum telling you she would support you, maybe she should invest in one of those baby dolls they have in the schools that are dolls that mimic a real screaming child. Maybe if you spent a week lugging the screaming thing everywhere with you and had a few sleepless nights you may change your mind. You can forget going out for dinner, going to parties and socialising with friends for a few years at least - they will all move on - they wont want to stay home with you and the baby when they have options to party, drink etc. How do you think you will cope when your main form of social contact is all the 30ish year old mums at playgroup?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a child, but wanting a child before you are ready is unfair on your child as well as yourself. If you dont cope then what will you do?
Just remember it is much easier for your partner to walk away and leave you holding the baby - and believe me some will do anything in there power to avoid paying you child support.
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reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 I'm fifteen & pregnant. Trust me you do not want a baby.
Read my article.
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reader, lily13524 +, writes (14 August 2009):
 I am not your mother, but I do have some words of wisdom for you. I just read an article posted on here about stereotypes and teen moms. I do not want you to think I am putting you down, but I’m not condoning it either. I am just an older woman that has been there and done it! I do not want you to think that I am telling you what to do; I just want you to hear this and think long and hard about what I say.
I was a teen mother. I had my daughter at 18 and worked like a dog for 80 hours a week so I could pay the bills. While my friends were going off to college and having fun, I got to change diapers and work over-time galore! I am not complaining about my choice, though. It was my own decision. I had to have surgery on my ovaries when I was 19 from problems that arose during pregnancy. Two months later, I had to have surgery again. In total, I needed nine surgeries to fix the problems I had as a result of being pregnant so young.
I married my baby's dad and it lasted for four years and had two more children. A small fact that we often forget is that over half of all marriages end in divorce and that number climbs even higher with teen marriages. I was 24 with three kids to take care of, no college degree and no job at the time my husband left. I got a job and worked my fingers to the bone for my children. I missed out so much by having to work like this and stay off welfare. I was one of the lucky ones, though. Many teen parents end up on welfare for years. I am not saying all teen parents do , but once you get out on your own, pay rent and take care of the bills, you may have little to no money left.
I am now 34 and I am a grandmother who is raising her grandchild. My daughter had a baby girl at 15. She is not capable of raising her, so I am. I love my granddaughter more than words! She was born with several serious health problems because her mother was too young at birth. My granddaughter was born with two large holes in her heart that require surgery to fix, she had surgery at a month old to fix her the muscle below her stomach. She takes five medicines daily, several times a day. She will require surgery on her private parts to fix a fissure.
All of these problems for her tiny, four-month-old body to fight and she is just a mere 11 pounds. Why does my granddaughter have all these problems?! It’s because my daughter’s reproductive system was not mature enough to handle the stress of pregnancy. My daughter did all of her prenatal care and still had health problems herself. She will recover, but some young mothers will not!
The simple fact is that the younger you are when you start having sex and children, the higher the risks are for you years later! You may want children later, but you could end up infertile because of your reproductive organs are damaged due to early pregnancy or sex. You are at a higher risk for sexually transmitted diseases and numerous other problems.
I know you do not want to hear this, but think about it! What are a few more years going to do? If you wait to have a child then you can have a home, job, and the education needed to care for a baby. Plus, you are ensuring your health and the health of your child. You are also more mentally ready to take care of a baby. Do not let the other kids fool you! Babies are a lot of work and require more than just love!
I am telling you all this for a reason. As I said before I am 34, a full time pre-med student, mother of three, grandmother to one, and a wife. I love my kids, but because I had them so young I am having a hard time conceiving a child with the love of my life. I do hope this gets some of you thinking because I thought it would never happen to me. I was lucky that two of my kids were completely healthy and my son has only minor complications. I, on the other hand, fell into the percentage of teen moms who would have trouble conceiving later in life. Just think about what I have said. A few more years to ensure your health and that of your baby’s is not that long!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): personally,at times i do think like you,but maybe at times you think you ready and you not.If you think they guy is your soul mate and you think he will take all the responsiblites of being a young father well good for you.And as you said,your mother will be going all out to help you be home school,well once again good for you.you might be to young to have a kid and plus in your homeland,the uk,it is illegal.And at a young age you can have difficultly later on in your life wen yu want to make children.you shud read the artcile ill be posting next.i got it from myyearbook..and the name is "calling all wannabe teen parents"" think having kids young is a good idea? read this first"
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): umm i disagre with firestormxxx shes just telling you what you want to hear probobly cause she did that ssame thing..you are to younge and hes to old to have it with you i know u dont want to here that but its the truth
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I know how you feel OP. I'm currently 17 and have been wanting a baby since I was 15. But you have to think logically. Even if you thought about the repercussions for yourself, have you thought about the life you would give your child? Your parents can only help so much. My desire to have a baby is strong, but I know that I want to give my baby a good and stable life. I want he/she to have a father and honestly, at 16, boys are nowhere close to emotionally and mentally handle a baby.
I babysat last year Mon - Fri from 6pm - 8pm and I had to sacrifice a lot and I wasn't even around him 24/7. I couldn't go to school dances or hang out with my friends too late. I cooked him dinner, helped him with his homework, be patient during his tantrums, and make sure he doesn't get hurt or anything. It was a big responsibility and by the end of the school year, I was delighted to have my own time and not schedule everything around him. Being a parent means you don't get summer. The baby would be around 24/7 for 18 years minimum. Are you ready to give up that much of your life? And what about your friends? Right now they're talking about boys and soon they'll be talking about college, parties, and going out all night. As a parent, it'll be very difficult for you to do that. By the time your child can take care of him/herself, and you're ready to party and make up for your youth, your friends would be ready to settle down and have a family. Having a baby would totally put you and your friends on different pages, and at 13, some people might just not understand how the baby comes 1st in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Poster, what you have to remember is that at 13, you are underage. You are still only a child yourself! Yes A CHILD.
And I know you dont want to hear that, but in the eyes of the law and of human nature you are. Just because you have 32DD breasts does not make you ready to have a baby.
At 13, your boyfriend could be prosecuted for RAPE. Yes, RAPE. As you are under 16 - the legal age for consent in the UK you have no say in this. Even if you said yes to sex, it is still rape. He is over the legal age of consent, so could be prosecuted as a paedophile. You shouldnt be having a sexual relationship, and actually he is commiting child abuse.
You are feeling broody. All women go thru this at some point but you are far too young. You move on, grow up and wait until you are older, in a stable relationship.
When did you start having periods? Your body is still not developed enough to cope with a child! You are barely into your teens!
Just because you saw a programme on TV about underage mothers does not make it right.
Who will pay for the child? YOU? Your parents? The State?
Do you know how much it actually costs to have a baby?
I bet you dont. How much pocket money do you get a week? I will tell you now, thats nowhere near enough to cover the costs. You will have no money.
Who will look after the child? YOU? Your parents? Boyfriend? Will you mind having to get up at all hours of the day and night to feed/care fore/change the baby? Getting no more than 2 hrs sleep at a time? Will your boyfriend live with you and share the workload? Doubtful. SO it will be JUST YOU doing all the hard work.
Do you want to go out? You are young. You like parties, hanging out with friends, going to the cinema. Who will look after the child when you go out? You wont be able to go out. How will you be able to afford to go out if all your money is going on baby stuff? All your friends will be having fun, and you will be stuck at home with a baby. You cannot drag a young child out with you, and I doubt your friends will want to have you hanging out with them with a bawling child. IT might be a novelty to start with, but they will get bored.
What about your education? HOW WILL YOU GET A JOB WITH NO QUALIFICATIONS. It is a proven fact that most teen mums do not get good grades. Its obvious from your post that you need to pay attention in class as your spelling is not the best - you have at least another 3 years to go before you leave school - take advantage and LEARN! Teen mums find it hard to get jobs that pay well. Who looks after the kid while they are at work? CHildcare costs etc etc etc Do you want to end up an uneducated single mother? With no prospects, no life, sat at home on benefits?
Are you sure your boyfriend wants a child? Does he realise that for the next 18 YEARS he will be tied down. Does he want that? Will he be prepared to support you financially? Will he marry you and commit to you for those 18 YEARS? Does he want to carry on in education? Because I tell you now, he wont be able to. He will have to go and get a job to help support you and the child. Will he resent this? All his prospects RUINED because you wanted a baby????
You say you are mature, then GROW UP and act like an ADULT. No adult in their right mind would condone a 13 year old having a baby. You have your whole life to get married and have children.
DONT WASTE YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD ITS THE ONLY ONE YOU GET!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have already watched the bbc3 programs i watch anythink to do with babys i am taking a childcare corse in school. i dont want a baby to dress up i want to look after it ad be up in the night when its crying
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): she asked for advice not grief rifraf. she is not 'too young' for sex and her bf is not 'too old'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I guess when we make decisions, we need to have every-thing in check. Is 13 years underage sex, can he get legally into trouble? Who will be financially supporting you and the baby. The benefit, you maybe too young for? How much money will you have per week to cover costs, like who will you be living with and the costs of a baby too? What does his parents think about this issue? Do your parents and his get on well? Who will look after the baby while you are studying? Young kids demand a lot of attention at at certain years, it is not possible to study. Does your mother mean, I would not desert you if a mishap occured, and not go and do it. You have a wonderful mother and a wonderful boyfriend so you are blessed with this. What does a baby need? Yes, this sort of environment, but one also needs its mum and they way you love children, you need to be with your child, not your mum all the time. I think a little patience and get yourself sorted first, so you can spend all the time in the world with your very own baby, with finances because you are qualified in a career.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): too have a baby at 13 is too young.by all means enjoy sex! im not saying dont enjoy having sex or sex related activities but please go on the pill or whatever.
im not criticising you here honestly i believe you are very mature and look grown up,and may have some of the skills to care for a baby but you will not be able to afford it at that age(unless you are an actress or something...)etc trust me wait a few more years.
as i said keep enjoying the sex stuff by all means but do not get pregnant.get protected.
i trust you will make the sensible choice here.
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reader, Camel32 +, writes (14 August 2009):
 IF I can say anything it would be don't do it!!!
I wanted a child so bad in high school (I am 27 now). My BF and I were together for 3 years when I became pg with my first child - we were both 18 at the time. I thought it was the most wonderful thing in the world, my own baby!!! Now to fast forward a bit, the same guy and I had our second child 4 years ago - we had been together the entire time. My two children are the greatest! But the problem now lies in my bed every night, he left me when our 2nd child was 1 week old - said he couldn't do it any more! He told me that it was not fair that I robbed him of his "fun" years by having our first child and forcing him to grow up so quickly. He LEFT after 7 years of a wonderful life together, and two children both made out of complete love for one another - or so I thought! Now I spend every night and day caring for our children, he wants nothing to do with them, I send him pictures and he sends the unopened letter back. He doesn't pay child support, has a warrent out for his arrest, and doesn't care at all! The thing that kills me the most is that WE decided to have the children, not just me, WE made the decidion and thought it was the right decision. But instead of US caring for the children - I do it alone!! I am working 20 hours a week making &8.00 an hour and trying to get my degree, just so I can get a better paying job to support my children. When the kids get sick daycare wont take them, he has forbidded his family from talking to me or helping me at all - so I have to take time off of work to care for them. We barly make ends meet, while he owns his own business, making well over $100,000 a year - I am makeing $7,000 a year. This sucks! I don't get anysleep, I can't eat, I am sooooooo stressed out all the time. Please wait till after you have had your years of "fun" wait till after you can go to bar leagally for a couple of years - get a good job first! Get your High school deploma first!!
I am sure you are thinking right now that this is not your man, he wont do this to you ---- honney I hate to say it, but that is what I thought.
Good luck! I truly hope you think this thru!!!
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 August 2009):
You are going to get some major criticism I hope you are ready for it!
I dont want to be one of the people who are nasty so I'm going to try my best not to be harsh. But even just from the way you write and spell, it is a clear indicator you are not at all mature and if you think having big boobs is a sign you are grown up.....well that says everything.
Girls start to develop physically into women around the age of 12 until they are 18. Your boobs get bigger, hips get wider....you start looking more like a woman. But it does not mean you are close to being a woman mentally! I had 32 E boobs at 13 and looking back now, I cant imagine how much of a mistake it would have been to have a baby! I was still a kid myself!
A lot of young girls like you want babies. But what is your actual reason for wanting a baby? It is just so foolish to think you want one - all you want is a little kid to dress up and play with and look at him/her and think "he/she is soooo cute". The reality is babies cost thousands of pounds, they will stop you having a life of your own for the next 18 or more years and they will put an immense strain on your relationship with your boyfriend. Do you really want to lose all your friends? Do you want to be at home 24/7 taking care of a screaming, crying, smelly, expensive bundle of fun? My work colleague has just had a baby and she is 32 and she can barely cope, and she is married too!
Your hormones are the reason you are feeling this way right now. Nature has unfortunately made women at their most fertile in their teenage years, and then it decreases from there. So hence the body tries to make you get pregnant at this age because many hundreds of years ago, that was when women got pregnant. But remember, back then people only lived until they were in their 30's!
There are a million reasons why you should wait until you are much older to have a baby, and no reasons that I can think of for why you should have a baby. I'm still shocked you are having sex so young, have you even started your periods yet?!
It is a sad reflection on society in the UK that girls aged 13 think that it is a good idea to have a baby and they are ready to be a mum because they have big boobs.
Because you are a child I'm sure if you want a baby you will go ahead and have one, because that is the way a child behaves. Children cannot see both sides of an argument and when they have their mind set on something they want, they normally get it. So I doubt there is much anyone can say on here to persuade you not to have a baby, so you will just become another teen mum taking taxes off the hard-working people of Britain.
You would be throwing your life away, believe me. Its your choice, but remember that you can have a child at any point in your life. You will never be able to relive your teenage years which are some of the best of your life (when you dont have a baby). So are you really ready to give up the best years of your life that you will never get back for something that would still be an option in 10 or 20 years time?
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reader, Tilly818  +, writes (14 August 2009):
 hey,
im 19 and i totally know how you feel hun coz i am really maternal and wanted to have a baby when i was young too.
However reading your question and i dont mean to judge bt you are 13 years old pet. I no you feel grown up and you know what you want, bt wat will happen in 3 years you get bored and want to start goin out with your friends. yes your mum will support you bt dont forget she has had her kids and she has raised you dont you think it would be unfair to start expecting your mum to start raising you would be our child.
And yes you ave bin with your boyfriend for 3 years bt you are still so young and if your relationship didn't work out you would be left with even more responsibilities and even less time for yourself. its easy for a guy to walk away from a child (i should no my father walked away).Bt you would always have to be there... Even if he said he would be there you dont no for sure, when he wants to go out with his mates a child might not be such a great idea.
What about when you want to go to college will you bring a child with you yes their are night courses bt dont you want to experience everything college has to offer a young person with no Responsibilities.
like i said i always wanted a baby when i was younger and i did what you are planning to do now i got pregnant. same as you me and my bf discussed it and we decided to try. 3 months down da line i was pregnant. i was 16 my bf was 20 and yes i was so happy bt as soon as i told my bf he had changed his mind. Through all the extra stress of now being a single parent still being in skool and being pregnant i lost my baby at 10wks i was completly heartbroken and am still not over it 3 year on. But i no in my heart it was a blessing that i lost my baby because i was soooo soooo young and sooo unmature that i would never have raised a baby on my own...
I have a graet life now i've bin seeing a guy now, (who i'm engaged to) for nearly 2 years and yes i am 4 months pregnant... we are so happy and i no he wil be there for me no matter what. I still think i'm o young to have a baby bt i have done everything in my youth i wanted to experince.
i experienced a
1, broken heart,
2, great nights with my friends with a lil too much alco i might add
3, meeting the man of my dreams,
4, getting a career, ( i work in a montessori school)which i get a good wage and will be able to support my baby with,
5, i live in my own house and pay my own bills
6, i ave meet lots of friends from college who i would never have met if i ad had my lost baby.
So darling my advise to you is wait please wait maybe till you 16 and oly if your still with the same guy... If you want a baby that much you will want to best for him/her and you wont jump into anything to soon. dont wrecked three lives if you wana talk more im me on [email address blocked]
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reader, babygurll +, writes (14 August 2009):
 well im 13 to hunny but your a lil young i mean you have your whole life to have sex and parts and think about it you only have one life is that really what you want to do i mean think its gonna be so hard wether your a good mom or not your not gonna even have money to feed it your mom will have to pay.well i suport your desition cause if you really want this and want to do this then im happy for you but you know sense our so young you could die while giving labor:) just leting you know good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): um hun im 15 and my life in high school is great
having a baby will make you miss the greatest part of your life
dances, parties and everything
just please wait high school will be so much fun and college too
babies are a lot of work i mean a lot, u'll wish u'd wait and it'll cause a lot of stress
too much stress for your age
do not have a baby at all period.
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