A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am hoping you could give me some objectivity here. You see my gf and I broke up a few months ago. It was an ugly break up. A lot of wounds. Still, there is anger and resentment on both sides.Now, while we were dating I lent her an expensive coat my mother owned because she needed an expensive coat for a formal work party. I went downtown to give it to her and delivered it to her apartment.I remembered about it recently and contacted her about it. At first, she forgot I loaned it to her, or at least said so. But when I reminded her and told her I wanted the coat back or else she would pay me, she said ok, she would give it back to me.Now here is where it gets bad. I told her that since I brought it down to her one night, she could take the train up to my neighborhood to deliver it to me. She said no, we will meet halfway. I said 'no, I am not gonna chase for my own property. I went down to you to bring it when you needed it, now it is your obligation to return it to me.'She refused, saying 'if you want the coat we will meet halfway or nothing.'I know this is one of those little things, but as you know it is one of those little things that makes big heartache. Maybe it is stupid to some of you, but it made us get into a bad fight for 45 minutes and neither of us moved an inch.As a matter of pride I feel like an idiot surrendering to her and getting the coat back, but I do need the coat, and she will not pay me for it. But I would like to know if I am right in my demands of her.Please tell me: Am I right that she should bring the coat to me since it is she who is returning it and since I brought it to her?I appreciate your replies.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Hi everyone,
I'm the OP.
The consensus seems to be that I get the coat if I want it.
I agree with that.
But it is strange that people say different rules apply now that we are no longer dating.
I loaned her the coat. Why would it be that even if we are not dating, she is under no obligation to give it back to me as some people say???
That makes no sense. A gift, I could understand, but not a loan. She is obligated to return it whether we are dating or not.
But, even so, I'm gonna get that coat!
Thank you!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 if you want the coat, then be GRATEFUL she is offering to meet you halfway!
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (25 July 2011):
 I'd like to add after reading other answers, the following: The person who borrowed the coat out of necessity is, in my mind, the one who is morally obligated to return it. You wouldn't borrow someones car and leave it at the mall......Most times the person on the recieving end of a generous act is the one who "should" go the extra mile after they've benefited from the generous act.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (25 July 2011):
Life is too short to argue over the coat. If the coat is that important you'll get on the train and pick it up. If it's not that importanat then it's possible you're just trying to make a fuss about something. At this point she has the coat. You want the coat. She is not going to deliver the coat. It's not your coat and you loaned to her. If she's not willing to deliver the coat she's not likely to send you money as an alternative either. IS the issue actually the coat or is it something else.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (25 July 2011):
 The "rules" changed after you broke up. She is being fair at this point.
Stop being a baby and get the coat. It means more to you than her. She is being reasonable with the half-way point.
Just make it quick and simple as possible.
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A
female
reader, wild-orchid-  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Accept her suggestion, that's all I can say. It's franker ;)
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Swallow your pride, put your ego aside and realize that if you want the coat, you'll have to put the time in to go get it. Frankly I'm surprised she even agreed to meet halfway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): I think you might be getting hung up on sweating the small stuff to avoid the bigger issues you both have.
I'd just go and get the coat back and be done with it. Who cares if she sees it as you losing an argument. She is an ungrateful woman anyway. An appreciative one, would have returned it dry cleaned with a thank you note long ago! If she can argue with you for nearly an hour over a coat, she must REALLY love conflict! It will save your sanity and many hours of fighting if you just go get it yourself. The right or wrong of that doesn't really matter as long as you get your mothers coat back safely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): Since you have broken up, I think you are being unreasonable. By being willing to meet half way she is willing to compromise, which by your view you are not. It isn't about giving into her, it's about being an adult and getting your coat back. You lent the coat to her whilst you were together, so you took it to her because she was your girlfriend and you cared for her. That is no longer the case, so meeting half way is totally reasonable.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 You are the one that wants it back - she wont care either way if she keeps it or if you have it back. She is being very reasonable to offer to meet you half way, that is the most fair way of doing this.
Stop being stubborn and just go and meet her half way, its only a coat!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (25 July 2011):
 I understand where you are coming from, but remember you were dating at the time, so you were being nice to her, which was sweet. Now that you're broken up, she doesn't feel like going the extra mile. Argue all you want, but at least she's offering to go half way. ALOT of people wouldn't, they wouldn't even give the coat back. Swallow your pride, meet her half way, or forget about getting the coat unless you want to get into a tangled lawsuit.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 July 2011):
 I think she's right. She has no investment in whether you get your coat back, only you do. In fact it seems fairly generous for her to offer to meet you anywhere at all. I understand you two broke up on bad terms, but trying to inconvenience her in every way possible isn't going help you move on. Like I said, since she doesn't gain anything from so much as lifting a finger on this, it's not just not stubborn but actually very generous for her to offer to meet you. If she wanted to be stubborn she would have told you to either come get it or not get it back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): She is being childish. If the coat is important to you then just go get it and cut her out of your life completely.
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