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I told her how her behaviour had affected me so she left with another guy

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 August 2014) 6 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2014)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My ex's solution to everything while we were together was to always storm out in the middle of a discussion. Or snap and break up with me about just about anything, and then leave me standing there wondering what the hell had just happened. So many times did this happen, that I became so insecure about every fight, no matter how small, because I just knew she was going to up and storm out and break up with me again. I became paranoid. It conditioned me to be obedient and never speak up or "rock the boat."

The other night, I pulled her aside and I finally broke down, telling her how insecure I felt in our relationship and how broken I had become. I told her I felt shattered. I didn't blame her. Just spoke openly about how I felt. She listened and seemed to be being receptive. Then next thing I knew, she sent a couple of text messages and then announced she needed to leave. I was like what? Aren't we still talking? We haden't come to a solution and I still felt I wasn't finished. She insisted on leaving and next thing I know, she's hoping in a car with the one guy that she knew would devistate me the most. This was a guy she had slept with when we had broken up and who had always professed his love for her while we were together.

I couldn't believe she was doing this. I told her she was ripping my heart out and why was she doing this? Her response was "because I'm abusive." I'm assuming sarcasm? And when he pulled up and she walked to his car to get in, it just shattered me to pieces. I cometely broke down.

Am I wrong for thinking her behavior was unfair? I can't imagine leaving her like that. I don't treat the people I love like that. I don't walk out on people. And I certainly don't leave with someone I know is going to crush her. Am I crazy?

View related questions: crush, insecure, text

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A male reader, lifesgreat United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2014):

Mate no offence here but she sounds like a crazy skank.

The fact she runs away and any conflict towards her and the fact she let you see her get into a car with a man you hate just after you confessed your concerns.

you deserve much better , take advantage that she is your ex and move on.

I know it is hard but good luck

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A female reader, oldbag United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2014):

oldbag agony auntAre you crazy? She behaves like she does because she can, you let her - again and again.

The other bloke has probably been told your abusive and he 'rescues' her whenever she rings.

She is playing you both.

Leave her be, just do not continue this pattern. She only cares about herself, she is selfish and manipulative.

Is this how you want the next 20 years to be or will you grow a pair and stop all contact

You say she is your Ex - so it's over,it didn't work, be thankful and let her go for good.

Good Luck x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2014):

That girl is so lucky to have someone like you who loves her too much n i could say unconditionally despite of her being so selfish.

But enough is enough. I honestly think you deserve someone better.

I am pretty sure there is someone out there who would love you just like the way you love. I suggest for you to find that person. Or wait for that person to come along.

You cannot change how you feel for your ex gf right away but you can control your actions. Concentrate on what you can control.

For now i guess focus with work or anything that will help you get busy, so u wont have the time to think about her.

Thats what i normally do when i want to forget someone or something i try to keep myself really busy. So i wont have the time think about the person.

Until such time i completely forget about it. You may try to visit my column i have how to's there that will help you.

Good luck!

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (30 August 2014):

Anonymous 123 agony auntOP how can you love someone as selfish, obnoxious, hard-hearted and abusive as her?! What are you getting out of this relationship anyway? She treats you like shit, she doesn't give a damn about what you think or feel, she doesn't have the basic decency or courtesy and doesn't even have the slightest feeling of kindness or humanity towards her own boyfriend!

Seriously what are you doing with her? YOU should be the one dumping her! She's basically trained you to be a robot to please her and tow her line and yet you're saying you love her?

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A male reader, CMMP United States + , writes (30 August 2014):

You were with someone so crazy that you became crazy yourself. Fortunately there is a cure: forget all about her and pretend this never happened. Learn a lesson while you're at it. Don't stay with someone who doesn't make you happy or who makes you a worse person. They should be helping you to be a better person and you should be happy (most of the time at least).

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 August 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI will ask you the standard question here.

WHAT do you get out of this relationship that is WORTH being treated the way she treats you?

If you have to walk around on egg-shells is it really WORTH "working" on it? Because letting her walk ALL over you, is not working on it. Allowing her to just skip off because she doesn't WANT to hear what you have to say is not, working on it.

You bared your soul and all she got out of it was.. you think she is abusive, so she is showing you JUST how good she is at twisting the dagger.

I think it's time you realize that it's NOT a healthy relationship. You can't just run away every time things get tough.

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