A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, please read and offer any advice you can!6 weeks ago, me and my guy called it a day. He was my flatmate but we were always 'more than friends' so we decided to live separately and give things a go. Things were great to start but things like moving house and new jobs (his) meant we didnt see as much of each other. I never pushed him to see me as I didn't wanna push him away, but eventually I said that the not seeing him was too much and he confessed that he wasn't feeling the 'missing me' feeling that he felt he should. He also said that it upset him as he thought the world of me and that he knew i'd be dating first. This week, he informed me that he has been dating someone from work and also uni. I acted completely cool about it and said they were prob well suited as they also study similar subjects too. I didn't want him to know how hurt I was but the truth is that i'm heartbroken. I fell for this guy even though we are not on paper an 'ideal match'. I can't understand why my feelings are soo strong for him, but after a few break ups, this is definitely the worst. I think I thought he was missing me as he still kept contact and seemed pale and tired when I saw him (basically how i felt inside) now it turns out he's been dating and he claims she's 'nice' (which im sure she is, but i didnt need to know that!) What I want to know is how to act? My mother says that I should tell him firmly that he's hurt me, but that eventually I'd like us to be civil but i'm not sure what to do, I'm so hurt and angry with him, even though he can't help how he feels, he never cheated but I feel sick at the thought of them together. I know I'll be okay eventually but how do I handle things now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Thanks for the advice guys :) its just that now that he has hurt me, even though he hasn't cheated, i feel cheated, so even if he wanted friendship or more in the future i know i wouldn't respect him the same. He's never been a 'dater' but now he's dating quickly, and the girl is pretty and on his level. I think it's best I move on but I agree I need to let him know that i'm hurt so that he doesn't expect me to be lovely to him while i'm getting over things. Break ups are sooo tough! Thanks again :)
A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (13 December 2011):
 I think that you should just tell him in a simple matter-of-fact way that whilst you are happy for him having found someone "nice", he should realise that this whole thing was hurtful for you. You don't have to go into details but if he feels something for you somewhere inside and you don't say anything then you will never know!!! You have to just TRY. Say it... see what his reaction is...then you can go on from there... Remember you always have NO in your hand... sometimes by asking we can get the YES! Good luck hun xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Hi. I'm sorry for what your going through. I know how it feels. Try telling him in the most lady-like way possible the you're happy for him and eventhough it hurts you deeply because you like him,that you don't want to break them up. And let him make his own decision then. Hope it helped. xx
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