A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im feling totally diasturbed! i have a boyfriend of 4 yrs who has a sister that is 3 yrs older than him ( she's 24 ) and i think they are sexually involved. no. 1 they sleep in the bed together and thinks its totally okay! shes totally okay with taking her clothes off in front of him, making incestous jokes,always touching him in front of me ( like on his stomach "petting on him ") they both live at home still. i feel like his mistress b/c shes always calling him when we are on a date asking him to come home and he tells her hes so sorry for not coming home that night! they cant do anything without telling each other they love each other with a hug and kiss. i feel like she does stuff on purpose sometimes to make me mad "gut feeling i get" and they think that each other is "hot" and the best person ever ( oh and her last boyfriend was 16!) he wants me and him to get married but i dont what to do! he totally denies incest but i feel so weirded out! please help!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Do you still suspect he is sexually involved with his sister? Is there anything new to report? Does he still want you to marry him? How does his sister feel about the two of you getting married?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): Tell your boyfriend you want to have a hear-to-heart talk with him, that you have some questions you need to ask him. Before you ask him if he's having sex with his siter, tell him that no matter what he says, that you love him and care for him, so you need to know the answers to the questions you are about to ask. Tell him you won't judge him based on his answers or think less of him, no matter what his answers are, and that you love him and support him in whatever he says. Then ask him about all these things you mentioned about him and his sister. Ask him if he is having sex with her, or had sex with her in the past. If he says he is having sex with his sister, ask him when he plans to stop, because you don't want to be in a three-way relationship. Ask him if he is willing to stop having sex with her and have sex only with you. If he answers yes to that question, then maybe both of you can talk to his sister and tell her that you both want to stop the sexual relationship he is having with her, because it is not healthy If none of this works, then you will probabl have to dump him and find someone else to go out with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): You said your BF and his sister both say each other is hot. It is unusual for a brother and sister to say that about each other. Do they say anything specific about why the other one is hot? Like, what does your BF say is hot about his sister? Like I said, this is unusual. That tells me they look and think about each other in a sexual way. Do you have anything new to report about this? Like, have you talked to either one of them lately. Perhaps you can somehow make friends with his sister, like invite her along on your dates, and be nice and friendly with her, so that she will like you. If you can earn her trust, she will be willing to tell you if she and her brother are having sex with each other. Good luck, and be sure and post back here when you have something new to report.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Well, it sounds like they are definitely having some kind of sexual relationship with each other, and that it has been going on for a long time. I agree with Irish49 that it is VERY unusual for a brother and sister their age to sleep together, not to mention her stripping naked in front of him and making incestous comments and hugging him. I think you should talk to your boyfriend and INSIST that he be TOTALLY honest with you. You might also talk to her about this, or talk to both of them together and again, ask both of them to be totally honest with you. Doesn't make sense she should call him when he's on a date with you and he apologizes for not coming home. That's unusual for a sister to do that. Sounds like she is jealous of you.Her last boyfriend being 16 and she 24 also is highly unusual, and is another sign that she and her brother have been sexually involved with each other. One way to find out might be for the three of you to go out of town for a weekend and stay at a hotel or motel and see if something sexual happens between them. But it sounds like they've been having sex with each other for a long time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): In response to your second posting below, I will say....No, it's not worth it. You will always, always wonder about this issue with your bf. I can appreciate a close family bond between siblings..I think it's something that is important in the healthy development of intra family relationships. However, what you have explained, this relationship has gone too far. Even if there hasn't been any physical incest...there is an emotional incest going on. Brothers and sisters simply don't 'sexualize' each other. When a brother is 20 and a sister is 24, sleeping together in the same bed is highly inappropriate. When the sister undresses in front of him, that is highly inappropriate. There are lines that are being crossed here.
I am just guessing, but is there a possibility, that the parents were not around a lot during their younger years? Or were the parents 'open' sexual innuendo around these kids all the time? Did they forget to keep that sort of thing private and between themselves, as parents?. Was there any family dysfunction? Neglect, abuse? If there was, it's possible the older sister took him under her wing, but at sometime, they created an emotional bond, that gets skewed. And even if your bf states that there has been no 'hanky panky' between them, I guess what bothers me...is he doesn't have the conscience or moral worldview or the insight to know that this situation was unusual or wrong. What does that say about him? You have a big decision to make, hun.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 September 2007):
 I agree with the aunts that say Run and don't look back. This is a very disturbing situation and if he can't see it then it will never get better. No future here for you, honey.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Hi,
I would like to put a different veiw on this, coming from a sister that was extremely close to my brother.
When i was 18 my little brother was 15, and we had been going through a really bad time in our family. We went everywhere together, and he would often sit in my room at night to talk to me,(not in my bed though).
I was devastated that when he got a girlfreind she hated me. She said it wasnt normal that I hugged him and was closer to him than she was. She even accused my brother of sleeping with me.
I told one of my mates what had been said, and they admitted they too thought it was odd that we were so close.
I really couldnt see this at all, and thought our behavior was quite normal.
Looking back I guess its not the done thing to stand in a club, with you arms round your brother. But it was nothing sexual.
I just loved him very much and wanted to show him that I cared about him because he thought no one else did. And his girlfreind constantly accusing him just made him feel worse. Especially as she was cursing the sister that looked after him. I really didnt have a problem with her it was all in her head.
Be carefull because there is a fine line to what is appropriate, but he may not see this and be totally innocent. At the same time dont stay with the guy if he makes you feel uncomfortable.
Hope it all works out for you XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Hi - I hope I can help just by saying that my boyfriend who I met when I was just 16 was behaving in a similar way with his Mother. He was 19. She would cuddle him in her underwear and sit on his knee to have photos taken she would also follow him into the bathroom when he was taking a bath. I also found out that when her husband was away on business my boyfriends brother slept in her bed to "keep her company". It is only now, 15 years later, that I have been able to tackle what I witnessed with a counsellor. She confirmed it was incest. In addition she told me that we should all go with our gut instinct a lot more and not try and justify or make excuses for things that we feel deep down are very wrong. I would urge you to remove yourself from this damaging situation for your own sake because, even though you perhaps don't realise it, just being a part of it (as you are having to at present) can affect the way you trust other relationships in the future.
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female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (11 September 2007):
 yeah but there's being close to his sister...and then theres touching his sister and sleeping in the same bed as his sister. they are not kids anymore this is completely inappropriate.
no wonder you're freaked out. my jaw was nearly on the floor just READING it - i cant even imagine what its like actually EXPERIENCING this situation.
no matter what he says or thinks, it is not normal. yes he can be close to her and yes its ok if they mean a lot to each other but sleeping in the same bed and the constant touching and things...urgh! especially if you think she is doing it to make you jealous, that makes me think that SHE is jealous of you - and why would she be jealous of someone who is in a romantic / sexual relationship with her brother unless you have something she wants?
bleurgh. its weird. do they touch each other and act a bit "too close" in public? I'm assuming they dont and thats because they know its creepy. Im not saying there is definite incest going on here but the whole thing just has major alarm bells ringing for me. you should trust your instincts because they are usually right.
there are plenty of good, decent, normal men out there. stay away from the weirdos babe
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks 4 everyones advice so far! to tommy7 that responded-they have a big house with plenty of bedrooms... my b/f makes me feel like im the one that has the problem that i would even think that hes freaky w/ his sister. uh hello!?!?! how else can i feel? im human i call as i see it! he says i need to accept that he's close w/ his sister or find someone else, i do love this person though very much and weve been through alot together, but it is worth it? im not going to be in a love triangle with his sister!! ugh!!
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (11 September 2007):
 I agree, that sounds creepy. Theres some weird dysfunction going on there for sure. Hard to say if its actually incest but I dont think its healthy. I dount think I could ever feel comfortable in your shoes. I also dont think this is a situation that you can solve all on your own. Sorry to come off so dismal but it just gives me the creeps.
Duce
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female
reader, Emajayne  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 thats very creepy...but maybe the way they were raised was to be comfortable ... very comfortable with eachother. I would probably run like hell or try and do some investigating first.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): It does sound VERY creepy, I'd get out of there if I was you. A B/F cheating on you with his sister...ewww
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male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (10 September 2007):
You have a bf of 4yrs who has been sleeping all this time with his sister? Is there a big space shortage at his house? Maybe he wants to marry you to get away from her.
If you don't want to marry him why not get a new bf?
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A
female
reader, Jualsy  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 It sounds familiar....there are three people in this relationship.
If you got married would it be three in a bed??
Somewhere along the line no one has taught them standards and explained that this behaviour is unacceptable....no matter how innocent. Explain that to them, and if they don't accept that.....move on!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): dump him girlfriend and dont look back. he is sick in the mind and she is to.. there is no denying there is incest going on.if my brother touched me or made gestures at me i would knock him out then i would make it known to the proper authorities.. leave while the gettings good. good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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