A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, just joined here with the intention of asking this question because where I would generally muse over things, I gotten to know certain people so wouldn't feel comfortable, especially considering the topic at hand specifically concerns one person from said site.I'm a male from the UK, nearly 22 and have yet to have a girlfriend, and likewise I haven't even kissed a member of the opposite sex. I guess in high school I wasn't interested, and since then had college/uni to worry about and didn't meet many females on a computer course. I essentially have zero female friends, not there's anything really wrong with this.Anyway, back in Sept. 09 I met someone through a friend who knew and liked her. I was fine with this. He told her and sort of blew his chance with her, and she sort of left our lives, and also got herself a boyfriend outside of the circle. It was only really then that I liked her. (Let's call her Sarah)Fast forward over the summer of pining for her, I joined Tumblr where I could share things. A couple of months later, I added a girl (Blake) and we got to talking. By around December time, I realised I didn't really care for Sarah any more.But at the same time, I started to care for Blake, who is 18. By this time, we'd message each other on the site almost every day, and talk on Facebook Chat every now and then. We have definitely become very good friends. She's helped me with some problems, and I hope I've done the same for her, and I gave her my mobile number just in case one day when she wasn't feeling great, and we occasionally text each other too.It feels really nice. As I said, we speak on Facebook Chat or Skype IM (I have no webcam, and she's my only contact) almost every day. I really do care for her.I've told her that I think she's pretty and she's a great person, and we've joked about meeting (we got talking through a "KFC Themed Wedding" - don't ask :p).But in a way that was clearly joking on both sides of the conversation.However, I really would like to meet her. But there are a number of issues about it.The main issue is that we live 300 miles apart in the UK, and even worse she is actually a foreign student from Spain, studying over here. I've actually checked in my spare time and there are no bus routes direct from our two places, despite the fact we both live in big cities, and trains are expensive. A bus would have to have a stop off in between, and be a very long journey either way.The second issue is that I believe that she thinks she may have feelings for someone else, at her university... another girl. I assume that this may be a passing phase though. She's in a similar boat as me, having never had a boyfriend. I can't tell if she my like me as well, or is just a very nice person. I wouldn't mind if that was the case either.But anyway. As I said, I'd love to meet her. She seems like a really nice person and everything. But I wouldn't know how to go about asking without it sounding very weird, or her not talking to me. It'd be easier for both of us if she came down in the summer, because the summer is great and she wouldn't be pressured with exams, but I assume she'll be going back to Spain for the holidays, and I myself am unemployed. It is my birthday in a little over 2 months, but from being a previous uni student myself, I know exams are finished by then.I'm just confused by this and am thoroughly kicking myself that the nicest person I meet online is very cute, pretty etc. but lives 300 miles away, at best. I've briefly talked about her to a friend and even he said "why don't we know her?", testifying to her great personality.Any advice would greatly help. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhoops, I'd forgotten to check back here the last week or so, but anyway things have kind of stepped up a gear since.She headed back home on Tuesday the 29th of March for Easter, and when she got home, she asked me "if I wanted to tell her why I was being weird". I knew she had figured it out by this point, and I really can't explain why I didn't do so. I was so close, but I made some excuse and went to bed instead as it was late. I checked with her friend (and a mutual follower) if my suspicions that she knew were correct, which they were, the following day.In the early hours of Thursday morning (30th of March) when I couldn't sleep, I posted a "fuck it" type message saying that I liked her on my blog (without naming her explicitly, just saying "you know who"). On Thursday proper, I was pretty pissed off with life in general and something she'd posted (I can't remember what exactly, but think of the lyrics to "Mr. Brightside" for the same kind of idea). But later on, she asked me "am I being stupid or was the post directed at me?" I finally told her.We didn't have much to chance to talk as she had to go. But the following day (April 1st), we had a long talk about it. I was explaining to her that I'm new at all this, as I know she is, so I don't know what I'm saying so I'm taking my time. I told her I think she's wonderful etc. I could tell she was trying to cushion the blow by saying "if you met me in real life, I'm quite annoying etc.", but obviously, that just makes her more endearing. I said I obviously didn't plan this to happen. And I told her that I didn't tell her when she asked when I so close to saying so because "I didn't want to drive away the one person who I've felt closest to the past 6/7 months", which is true. I told her I felt a bit silly as I am sort of just "the guy at the other end of the box", but I still couldn't help how I felt.Bless her though, she was as understanding as possible, and as I said, neither of us had done this before, whether in real-life or not. She did say "she doesn't feel the same, I think it's strange that you like me because we've not met", which I completely agree with and find it odd myself. And I did say that I was serious that we should try and meet some day, even though I'm not talking about any time soon, and even if there is nothing there it'd just be good to meet her because she is a good person "Ok maybe some time :)" was the response I got back.I told her that I'd try to be as 'normal' as possible from then on, but for the most part, she seems to have been a little short with me and we haven't talked that much. I don't know whether it's because she's back home and busy, because she's had some issues with friend's at home, because she is confused about that girl she liked (I know that she was finally able to get the courage and add her on Facebook herself), or is confused, awkward and pissed off about me. I know as well for me that I've jsut started a job (and we've had wonderful weather) so haven't been around as often, but I've still tried. I've tried to carry on as normal, whilst trying not to bug her also, but she seems short with me or logs off as soon as I say hello to have a normal conversation, how is it meant to make me not feel awkward. She even told me "don't feel awkward". But at the same time, she still congratulated me on the job and wished me luck etc., so I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens when she's back in uni away from home next week.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): You're too obsessed with her being freaked out by the idea of you visiting her or vise versa! Have some confidence and just tell her you like her. Depending on her answer, you then say that you would like to meet. If she says no, then maybe Blake isn't the one. Chances are she does like you and she's waiting for you to take the lead or... she doesn't and feels bad rejecting you. You will never know if you don't tell her though, so hurry up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, to provide an update.
I hadn't talked to her (on IM) for a week from last Sunday. On Thursday I sent her the "stop being cute!" message which she replied to. Then on Friday afternoon I sent her a message with "Sorry I've been strange lately" message, which she never responded to, because she was out or whatever. Fair enough.
On Saturday I sent another message, but a fun one, telling her to follow a friend of mine (Manny), which she did respond to. On Sunday we did manage to talk though, which she initiated (I didn't realise she was on). I got mixed results.
Everything was going as normal, when the subject of summer came up. I asked what she was doing out of curiosity, which she said she was going back home, which I assumed to be the case anyway.
I said "sounds cool, shame though because you could've visited me". She joked how there was no comparison about her sunny home country to Wales. I said she should do one day, and got a "mmmmmmaybe" in response.
She further said that she may visited Wales at some point because her friend lives here, though she lives in the north, I live in the south. After some random topics, I said "seriously though, if you did want to come down or something I could probably clear it with my folks so you could stay a few days or something." I didn't get a response and she logged off an hour later.
Later on in the night I kind of had a mini-freak out (plus Tumblr wasn't working and really annoying me), when she asked for people to send her questions.I sent "I didn't mean to freak you out, sorry. I'll leave you be".
She replied "erm freak me out? when was this?". I replied "oh, I assumed by you not replying I had done. Sorry, jumping to conclusions etc. I'm a moron etc.".
She immediately came online again to say she wasn't avoiding me and doing something at the time. I explained I'm "odd" at the moment.
Anyway, she logged off about 10 mins later to go to bed, and then last night I had a normal conversation with her. So mixed results, but at least she doesn't hate me hahaha.
I described it as "not biting the bullet, but at least nibbling the bullet". I'm glad I at least did that, and was able to tell my real life friend Manny about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again. (I wish I hadn't used the anonymous feature on here now.)
I forgot to mention on my last update that no, I haven't webcam chatted because I do not own a webcam myself (I've been seriously contemplating getting one when money permits, regardless of this situation anyway).
I was talking to our mutual follower (let's call her Alex from no one) a little more. Alex herself said she's really cute etc. and would even like to meet her herself. She said she sent Blake a message saying "how awesome/funny etc." she is. I also hinted to another friend of Blake's that something was up whilst I think about things.
Over the past week or so though, some guy who is a friend of her friend in real life, and obviously who lives in the same area, found her Tumblr and has since been commenting and what not on her things in a somewhat suggestive manner. I know I need to act quick either way but can't quite find the way to lead off, whether I say "I like you" or "perhaps we should meet sometime" first.
Only one of my real friends knows of her, and he too has said "when is she coming down to meet you? make sure it's after I get back" (he's presently not in the UK). I said to him that if I had to go to her, he could come with me.
Anyway. Last point, for now, I promise. :p. Last night she came home from a night out and posted a picture or something funny before going to bed. I sent her a message saying "Blake, stop being so cute! And goodnight". She replied back near enough right away "me cute? pfttt. and goodnight".
I still haven't had the chance to actually talk to her yet, but I sent her another private message today saying "Sorry for being odd(er) the last few days. Hopefully I can stop being vague and spit out what it is. And sorry if this seems strange. :)". I haven't had a reply yet, and she did disappear off Facebook Chat, though I assume/hope it's because she had lectures to attend.
I can definitely feel the courage building. Thank you for your time again.
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A
female
reader, Justtryingtohelp +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Well I have that same site so I know haha.
I understand the hiding thing..
Maybe that friend who sent the message DOES know something but she's not saying?
I personally say just take the plunge. To me, having been through this, in online and in person, it's better to just go for it. Chances are she likes you back and all is well or that she is just friendly towards you, and you end up moving on in time.
I think that's probably the best if it's a strong friendship and she doesn't feel the same I'm sure everything would be okay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both you (so far). Just FYI, the site is not a dating site, it's a generic social network/blog site. I had merely intended to post funny stuff or get stuff off my chest when I signed up back in August.Not long after I posted this message (and some cryptic posts on my blog), I received an anonymous message asking "are you in love with Blake?"I assumed it was Blake her self asking under the shield of anon, and I admit I did the immature thing of going logging out of everything and hiding offline from her, which I did all day yesterday too, until I at least answered her question.However after I responded to the question as truthfully and respectfully as possible, whilst still not revealing the actual question in public, I was told that the original sender wasn't Blake. It was a mutual follower of us.She apologised for doing it but said she was suspicious one if not both of us liked one another, and said that we were "so sweet on [her] newsfeed". She also apologised for sending it anonymously, as opposed to as herself. I'm glad this mutual follower did so.I replied back to the mutual follower saying not to worry etc. I got another asking me whether I thought she liked me back, that "we're adorable" and that we should try to meet up. I think I said that I know at the very least Blake at least likes me.Anyway. Despite knowing that Blake wasn't the one who sent it, I'm still sort of hiding at present until I sort out what I want to do, but I've sort of hinted a bit stronger when commenting on Blake's things.Thank you for your time once more.
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A
female
reader, Justtryingtohelp +, writes (16 March 2011):
Really, just ask her if you'd like to seriously meet up, have you webcam chatted or anything? Would probably be helpful to be sure you both are who you say you are. Faking happens far too often.
For the liking girl thing, it could very well be a phase. Or it could be just a general attraction to another girl or could really be something. There's no harm in slyly asking about that either.
As for distance, if you really think it's worth it, it should not matter how long a bus journey is and whatnot.
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A
male
reader, J.Gentleman  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Right, well first of, distance is one thing, but if your both in the same country, then what on earth is the problem? "Trains are expensive", "bus rides take too long", man up mate, if it does take long to go there by bus, then by all means go, one day to see her wouldn't hurt. I have been in your position too, meeting them over the internet and falling for them because they are amazing, its happen before. Second, if you can talk about KFC themed weddings (invite me if it ever happens) then maybe asking if she would like to meet up would be one way to go through this. I did, and believe me, they would want to meet you as much as you want to, considering the internet relationship you have already established.Just try it out, a long bus ride just means wake up early :P
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