A
male
age
30-35,
*incent2nd
writes:My life long best friend has been a girl we will call Jill, when we were 16 we decided that we would start dating. We have always had an amazing friednship and relationship. We are the type of couple that can go out with our friends and have fun with out the other person being jealous. We both trust each other. When we go out we mingle and talk with other people we are not always attached at the hip. over the weekend we were at a wedding and we were all dancing (Jill included) when this girl in the wedding party (who was drunk) came up to me and started dancing with me. I kinda laughed danced with her for a few minutes and then went to get some drinks. The girl from the wedding party followed me to the bar , we chatted quickly about the music and I went on my way. Jill and I were slow dancing and the girl came up and asked if she could cut in. Jill laughed and said yes, we ended up dancing a while and that was that. EVERYONE had a lot to drink that night. I dont really remember much after that but from what I remember and what some friends have told me when everything was over Jill and I were with some friends waiting for a cab when the girl from the wedding party came up and asked me to go home with her. Jill lost it at ME. We ended up getting into a screaming match becasue she said I had been flirting with the girl all night and she kept telling me to go home with the girl if thats what I wanted.( After a few minutes of her yelling at me) I guess I got pissed off and yelled back at her and told her to shut her f*ing mouth. she got mad, yelled at me and slapped me. I got upset and grabbed her and pushed up against the wall and got into her face yelling at her while I held her there and put my hand up like I was going to hit her when my friends grabbed me away from her I called her a few names. I have NEVER hit her ever or acted that way towards her before. When I woek up yesterday I could barely remember anything. I have tried calling her and she wont return my calls. One of my friends came by today and told me everything that happened and asked em if I had ever hit her before. I dont want people to think I am some abusive guy. I have no idea why I acted that way. should I just go over to her house (she lives with her parents)or keep tryign to call her
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 You might think this isnt something you would 'usually' do, it has happened once so it may well happen again. Hence why you need to seek professional help. I'm sure it was just the alcohol combined with her outburst that made this happen, but it shows you cannot handle your alcohol very well (having black outs is a big warning sign) and when drunk you find it hard to control your anger and you cannot be trusted.
I know you think this wouldnt happen again and you wouldnt harm her, but the fact is you pinned her up against a wall (that in itself is the same as hitting her) and raised your fist, you would have hit her if your friends hadnt stepped in. Therefore when alcohol is involved, you have the potential to harm your girlfriend, or any other woman for that matter, if they wind you up the wrong way.
I'm not saying she is in the clear, she shouldnt have slapped you and that in itself is also domestic abuse which she should seek help for. But the fact is you used your power and strength to pin her against a wall and then were about to hurt her further - as a female it is unlikely her slap would of hurt as much as being pinned up and hit by a man. You restrained her so she couldnt fight back and then were about to hit her - your actions were a lot worse than hers.
If you really do know what you did was wrong and you want to make things right - get help. You + Alcohol + = potential anger outburst, and you need to fix that otherwise there is always the possibility that you could hurt someone again.
A
male
reader, vincent2nd +, writes (17 October 2011):
vincent2nd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIèm not makign excuses I knwo what I did was wrong. BUT she started yelling at me for somethign she was ok with. She said I could dance with this irl then she gets mad hours later. SHE SLAPPED me and yelled at me. I know that doesnt give me the right to touch her but she was out of line also. I am not an agressive person, I wouldnt nto harm her. Ièm nto even the type of guy that usually yells.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 October 2011):
I think you should just feel lucky she hasnt pressed charges and you havent been arrested by now. Go to the doctor and tell them what happened - you need help for alcohol problems and anger issues.
Give your girlfriend space, and in the mean time sort yourself out. She will never come back to you if she thinks that will happen again, so you need to get professional help to prove to her that you are ashamed of what you did and you want to change for the better.
What you did is unforgiveable so dont expect her to want to see you ever again, you messed up big time and there probably isnt any coming back from this.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, vincent2nd +, writes (17 October 2011):
vincent2nd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI DID NOT hit her. es my actions were way out of line but I didnt hit her that nigth or any night for that matter. we have been together for 6 yrs and I can honestly say we have got into maybe a dozen small fights. we normally get along great
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