A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, it seems my boyfriend of 10 months has been seeing his ex all the time hes been with me.Ive always had my suspicions of her and i know they were still friends. I decided this week to sit outside his house as i knew he was out and see who he brought back. Well I sat there for an hour and noticed lights in the upstairs of his house suddenly go on so i then called the house and a girl answered! I decided to confront him over it and started off saying i thought he was still seeing the ex and that i had my suspicions he still lived with her... he denied it. After he left he text me saying 'im not sure where you got that from but not sure things are working so we need to talk tomorrow'. Yesterday came and i text saying whats the plans and he then came back and said the chat would have to wait until next week hes going out with the lads. I got very angry and text back and basically told him to forget him it as he didnt think sorting things out was important. He replied with he didnt want 'that chat' over text. So now im totally confused as to what is going on... it seems to me like hes been seeing her at the same as me, i totally cant get my head around it... how could you lead a double life for 10 months!?Im not making any contact with him and even feel like if does to arrange meeting up i should tell him where to go... or should i meet him to see what he says?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): If you have a sneaking suspicion that he is cheating, then he is.
You are clearly not a priority in his life if he is going out with his friends before working things out with you.
You deserve better. Leave him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): He hasn't even enough respect for you to stop being evasive, apologise or ... well there is no explanation because he was cheating. He is not worth your attention.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Immature pathetic coward, it's degrading to contact that guy. So don't let him bring you down to his level
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (4 December 2010):
 You say you're not gonna contact him, well don't contact him.......EVER AGAIN!!!
Leave him alone to destroy some other poor girl if that's what he wants to do. There are other guys out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve!!!
If he txts or emails you, delete them, block him from social networking sites and don't answer the phone to him, you are so much better!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 December 2010):
 I think this relationship was over at the moment that you decided to camp yourself outside his home. Surely that means you don't trust him? It sounds like he may have got caught out, or there maybe another explanation. However, whatever he says at this point really does not matter. He doesn't want to give you the respect to turn up and have a grown-up conversation about what happened on that night. That means he doesn't see your relationship as a priority. However, even if he had been beating your door down to speak to you it is clear you don't trust him at all. No one should have to play private detective on their partner and use what they find to make a decision about the relationship. It was over at the point where you felt the need to check up. Move on and don't contact him further.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): What is there to say? You caught him red handed.
I'm guessing he had no intention of meeting up with you to talk about it because he got caught and is a coward.
Saying he didn't want "that chat" over text is just an excuse. If he gave a toss about you he would be on his knees begging for forgiveness and upset that he hurt you.
He's not. Instead, he goes out with his mates.
Lovely guy(!)
Why you are even considering listening to what he has to say is beyond me. He's direspected you in the worst way.
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 honey no matter what he says its over. it happened over text wether he wanted it to or not. and by him goin out with the guys instead of talking with you he showed you where his priorities lie. if he tries to meet up with you, you can tell him as far as your concerned there is nothing to talk about and its over. im sorry it had to happen this far down the road but also glad you found out before much longer. i cant tell what he is doing with the other woman, or if it is his ex or not, but the fact is, he is having other women over at his house and lieing to you about it. no matter how you spin it, there is no excuse for that. move on from this jerk and find someone who deserves you!!
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