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I think he really likes me, so how do I help him get his feelings back?

Tagged as: Crushes, Flirting, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2018)
A female India age 18-21, *lps writes:

Hey.

So I’m 19. There’s this guy who is 17 and has been a very close friend since the last 7-8 months. He’s like a best friend now. We bonded real well, people actually shipped us. However, there were no feelings back then. Last Saturday, he asked me if I would date him, multiple times. I first thought he wasn’t serious and hence evaded the question. Then he kept asking me repeatedly. It was moments later that he said he likes me a lot, more than a friend. Of course I was overwhelmed. I said he had better options. He said why would I even think of saying that. He called me cute, hot etc. As friends, we have been saying ‘ily’ on a daily basis. He even gets possessive if any other guy is around. We’ve made plans to hang out post exams and what not. He’s an amazing cook as well, and says I don’t have to worry as long as he’s there. Today, we spoke over phone for one and a half hour. That was when he said he liked me back in November-December and doesn’t anymore. He said he had a crush, then called it a teeny tiny one. He said we might not work out because our friendship might be ruined, plus he plans to relocate somewhere else because if academics. I said he’s weighing more on ifs and buts than reality. He’s adamant however his previous chats state otherwise. My friends guess he’s lying and that he really likes me. I haven’t met a more genuine guy than him. How do I help him get back his feelings?

View related questions: best friend, crush

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A female reader, TheJazziest United States +, writes (14 February 2018):

TheJazziest agony auntNo, no, no, no. You do not have to convince anyone to be with you. I repeat: you DO NOT have to convince ANYONE to be with you. To cut some slack, and before I go full-anti-shipping you two, let me just say: your friend sounds like a sweet and yet immature sort of fellow. If you truly care about him and feel that he and you could have a future together, I would say that you sit and try to have one more open, honest conversation with him. However, if the response is this same nonsense about how he no longer cares for you, or he acts as though he will need some convincing-whether through words, or dare I say any kind of *ahem* physical method-tell him exactly where he can go. Then you must resolve to miss him, maybe rage about him and even cry about him, but, by all means: move on. You are no one's beggar and under no circumstance must you convince someone to love you. Chances are, down the line, he will realize what a good thing he lost once it's too late. And that’ll be too bad for him. Just make sure that you don't play into his hand of thinking that you are under any obligation to prove yourself worthy of his love. Because anyone who you need to convince that you are worthy of their love, isn't worth yours.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntYou can't "make" him feel something he doesn't or "make" him get those feeling back.

He is 17, and SO not sure what he wants or who he wants. I think many at that age (regardless of age) are a bit of a "sampler" they like this person one minute, then that, then a 3rd and so on.

He professed some feelings for you and you KIND of shot him down, so NO wonder he is no longer as keen as he was.

ACCEPT that he wants friendship from you and not much else at the moment (regardless of his crush). And you, like so many girls YOUR age decide that you WANT the guy when he is no longer as into you as you think he were a week ago.

Honey, people (not just teens) can be fickle. He probably still thinks you are cute but he has moved on. Do the same and try to JUST enjoy a friendship.

And just because OTHERS "ship" you, it doesn't mean it would work or that he (or you) want a relationship. OR that you should be IN a relationship.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (14 February 2018):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI've seen that it's the common friends who are responsible for a lot of wrong ideas. These people are probably having a good laugh behind your back as well.

Why on earth will a guy tell you that he doesn't like you if he really does? You have to learn to accept the truth rather than finding ways and means of sugarcoating it to suit your sentiments. The guy was as honest as can be. He had a small crush on you but he's over you now. He just wants to be friends. He's not romantically interested anymore. Come on OP, he's 17! Do you really expect a long-term commitment from someone that young and at a time when you don't even know where you'll both be 2 years from now?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 February 2018):

He's only 17. His feelings are mere crushes, and not very focused or tangible. Guys in their teens are not as mature as girls their same age. Let alone a young lady two years older.

He said a lot of things before; because he's driven by hormones and he'll grow a new crush on another pretty girl every other week. He just wanted the attention of a pretty older lady; and the strong crush he had, is now fading.

He told you the truth. He's not lying, you don't want to accept it. Now your youth is getting the better of you; now you want him, because he doesn't want you as much as he did.

He'll soon be transferred for school, and you'll both drift apart. Find a young man a little closer to your age, and more mature than he is. You'll get over him in no time. That's the wonderful thing about being your age!

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