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I think he is lying! Am I overreacting? How do I approach it?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 March 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I've been dating a guy for the past couple of months and although we are not yet in relationship we are seeing each other exclusively and have had the conversation about not seeing anyone else.

He has treated me amazingly so far and I honestly thought he could be the one for me.

Yesterday he had told me that in the evening his brother and his brother's fiance were coming round for dinner and staying the night.

This would sound normal but they only live 20min away from him.

Both had work in the morning and just seemed strange when he first told me but I didn't think too much of it.

He will usually message me or stay in contact with me every night but I didn't hear from him all evening!

Then he messaged me this morning saying 'Sorry I fell asleep really early last night and I forgot to message you'!

There hasn't been an evening since we first met that he hasn't messaged or called me so this is completely out of character for him.

I know the story about his brother etc sleeping the night is a lie because he will still normally call or text when he is around them and I don't understand why they would both bring a change of clothes for work and stay the night when they have just bought a beautiful house together and only live 20min minutes away it just don't make sense.

So i feel like he has just told me this so I don't call or message him and interrupt his night with whatever he was really doing.

I have been cheated on and lied to in past relationships and I will not tolerate it from anyone again!

It's just really made me think differently about him now. I know I can't confront him about it but I feel really angry as I thought he was different and once I feel I can't trust someone I lose interest very quickly.

I was starting to feel I could let me guard down with him as I thought he was different but now I'm thinking I was wrong! Am I overreacting? What should I do?

View related questions: fiance, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (28 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't see why you can't speak to him about this. Instead off playing games and trying to be a detective. Go to him and talk to him and tell him your concerns.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2017):

Are you going to hang out with his brother and his fiance sometime? If so, ask them how the sleepover went. Or better yet, why weren't you invited to the dinner? I'd be annoyed and suspicious and asking a million questions.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (18 March 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntSo do your detective work and find out. Or since you are so sure you know, Drop him, it's not like you are in a relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2017):

very curious.

twenty minutes away by car? or 20 minutes away by walking? Were they worried about driving home after drinking alcohol?

trying to see both sides here.

Or was he attending something he did not want to discuss with you? A poker night? His first AA meeting? or a Gambler's Anonymous meeting?

and if he was having family over why didn't he invite you to come along too?

you are not over-reacting.

I would give him one more chance.

but once you start to lose trust in a partner it becomes harder and harder to repair.

it is he who has to demonstrate his loyalty and commitment to you. If he is not willing to do that then he deserves to become history.

Good relationships are honest, open, equitable and loving with a mountain of goodwill and trust built up due to no lies and no secrets that poison a relationship.

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