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Should stay or leave our relationship? I think we have different goals and different attitudes to handling our money.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 March 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2017)
A female Australia age 22-25, *essica M Payne writes:

Dear cupid, I don't know if I should stay or leave my relationship...

myself (almost 24) and partner (almost 23) have been together two and a half years and I feel like we are going no where at the moment...

We have been living with each other since three months in (lived with him and his mum for a year or so, recently getting our own place in September last year...

The whole idea of getting a place was to get out of his mums, save up and buy a house....however that won't happen for years given my partner (I only just asked the other night) has a $14,000 loan to pay off from a car he brought but couldn't afford repayments on...(I currently have a $6000 to pay of my own loan)

I had $13,000 before I met him which I got to $15,000 and now I have barely anything due to stupidly going halves in camping things etc.

I have given him money for cars...$5000 or so for one which he paid me back for, and another I'm still waiting for $7000 back...(part of that was my house deposit money and my grandma's inheritance of $10,000) (we did do a big trip in Australia driving across which cost us quit a lot of money back in September to October as well)

So while my partner is all about "camping 4 wheel driving" , paying off this loan of his, I'm more swaying into the aspect that I'm 25 next year.

I want a house, marriage and children but he can't give me a age or year that he wants them....but he thinks 4 years or more away...

Also my partner doesn't want to go to Europe or travel, yet says we can go on a honeymoon there when we get married someday (way way down the track as he says)

Is he stalling marriage so I never travel?

so my question in all this is....should I stay with him given he claims he was a "great saver" in the past and now barely has anything and given he's taken me down the same road...or should I give up and move back in with my parents knowing that I could save the money I lost...?

(I have always dated older men and my partner is the youngest I have dated)

What do I do???

View related questions: money, older men

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (28 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly if you are not happy with him then leave. You need to take control off your own life. If you want to travel, then go and travel. If you want to stay with him then stay with him. But remember you are not going to change him. Also as for him wanting to get a puppy well he doesn't want your dog because it is YOUR dog. Also it is not cheap to keep a dog on steak no matter how cheap it is. At least a puppy can be taught either to eat kibble or go without. You need to make your mind up here about what it is you want to do. Nobody made you give him that money, that was your choice.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntJessica, you have asked about this relationship and BF for MONTHS now, but you are still with him - so WHAT is making you stay?

And I think you are being a little unfair that it's HIS fault you blew all your saving, you COULD (and should) have told him NO to "lending" money.

GET a LOAN agreement ON paper that HE will PAY you back what he LOANED. Then get out if you are this unhappy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2017):

The car that he still has the loan for he no longer has...I helped him buy another car which is is selling and giving me back $7000 from that. His mum used to charge him/is board money...sometimes his mum would have to nag him to pay it....but with rent it is always paid on time. He talks about wanting to get a puppy now (which his mum is buying) He thinks it's all great owning a puppy but doesn't really understand that puppies need food. Their are vet bills to pay. My parents have separated and so I help out by taking my 13 year old dog between the two. But I would however love for my dog to live with me but my partner has said he doesn't want that...I question myself "why not have my dog who is older but still kind of young in personally that has been to the vets before. Is trained and rather well behaved instead of getting a puppy who you have to spend money on...(my dog also is easy to feed as he gets cheap steak as he refuses to eat dog food)0

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A female reader, chachacha United Kingdom +, writes (17 March 2017):

Binge watch Judge Judge on You Tube, then Dump Him.

Sorry. Short answer, but homestly, this man does not share your life aspirations or dreams, and does not have your drive and discipline. So he is not a worthy partner for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2017):

You are currently facing a lifetime of SAD with him. SAD is sexually acquired debt.

Get that $7000 back asap.

He cannot afford the car he has.

He has no savings plan in place.

He will go on accumulating debt and eventually he will take out bigger and bigger loans. As postures and presents himself as the Big Man.

Clearly he is NOT good at saving. Perhaps he is thinking of the times when he first started working and was living at home rent free.

Considering how he has been convincing you to loan him money he will start to lose interest in you when you can no longer loan him any money.

He is not good for you and he is not aligned to your long term goals.

You would be better off without him.

Start saving now, not for a holiday, but for a rental place you buy and then rent out to a tenant - that is an income earning asset - before you even think of buying yourself a home. That way the tenant helps you to build your wealth.

Getting back your $7000 may never happen. But by being smart about money you will find yourself in a much more comfortable position by 30. As long as you do not keep this Millstone around your neck who you like to think of as your boyfriend.

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