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I sometimes fantasize about kissing girls. Does this mean I am gay or bi?

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 August 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 14 August 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've only had two boyfriends and one of them I was sexually attracted to. We had oral sex a couple of times and never went any further than that. But we broke up because I was still in love with my best guy friend, Alex. Alex has had a girlfriend since I've known him so I never made a move. He flirted with me whenever his girlfriend wasn't around. I told him I loved him two years ago because I was sick of wondering if he felt the same way. He didn't and we haven't talked since then.

Anyway, sorry I'm rambling. I'm not sure if I've ever really liked girls. I went to an all girls high school and in my sophomore year, I developed a tiny crush on one of my classmates. Her name was Sandra and I thought she was cute. Well, that crush didn't last long because I was in love with Alex. In my senior year, I had to transfer to a new school (for personal reasons) and I met this girl Natalie. We became really good friends. I always tried to look after her because she was so shy and insecure. She has this unique beauty about herself. All the guys treat her like a goddess. I think I was just jealous because I wanted to know what it felt like to be irresistibly attractive.

I haven't had a boyfriend or kissed anyone in two years. I still love Alex and I'm pretty sure I always will. Maybe I'm bisexual? I don't know. Sometimes I find myself looking at girls, but only because I love what they're wearing and wishing I had their body type.

But when I think about being sexual with girls, it doesn't seem to turn me off that much except if I have to go down on a girl. That just doesn't appeal to me. But when I think about kissing a girl and fingering her, it's sort of a turn on. I've kissed a girl before but it was a dare. It was okay but it didn't do anything for me at the time because it was with one of my best friends.

Well, when I think about being sexual with men, it's more of a turn on than it is with girls. I like the idea of being wrapped up in a strong man's arms. I like the idea of giving blowjobs. (which I've done before with my ex) I honestly love it.

So maybe part of me is gay? I'm confused. Help!

View related questions: best friend, blow-job, broke up, crush, fingering, flirt, insecure, jealous, kissing, my ex, oral sex, shy

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A female reader, VSAddict United States +, writes (14 August 2011):

VSAddict agony auntYou seem like you're bi-curious. You've kissed a girl but you felt nothing because she was close to you. But if you want to figure it out, then try it with someone else, and you'll probly know after that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011):

only you can answer your question for sure because only you truly know what you are interested in. a lot of women actually think about kissing other women just because they are curious so this does not necessarily mean you are a lesbian or bi. but a lot of what you are describing is what lead me to realize my own bisexuality. only you really know what you are interested in though. i know for me, i was like you where i would sometimes look at girls, but not really think anything of it. i was never interested in my best friends like that, i just thought they were pretty like any other friend would. i am in love with my bf and i loveeeee giving head but ive also had a gf that i was in love with for a while. once i admitted to myself i was bi, i found myself liking girls more and more. so its really all up to you to figure out your sexuality...

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A female reader, bunnyblueeyes United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2011):

bunnyblueeyes agony auntYou're not gay as you feel sexually attracted to guys. You may be bi curious as you want and fantasies about girls. Or you may just find fantasising about girls a turn on but wouldn't actually do it.

Any of them are fine. The only way to find out if you are bi is to try dating a girl.

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