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I smell trouble from my mum's boyfriend!

Tagged as: Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My mother's boyfriend came back to live with us after a couple years (yes, years) of taking care of his sick mother.

Today, my mother had already left for work, and it was just me and him in the house. He came down for breakfast and sat uncomfortably close to me and didn't even try to hide the fact that he was staring at my chest. Then he said, "You've gotten big". He kept "accidentally" touching my thigh. I just got up and left.

The worst part is that when I told my mom when we had lunch together, she didn't believe me. What am I supposed to about this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010):

if your mum didn't believe you thats her problem. you tell someone who cares enough for you. a friend . teacher. pastor. neighbour. ANYONE. sleep with your door locked. be careful if you all share a bathroom. you owe it to yourelf to protect yourself from him even though your mum is thinking only of her sexual desries being met by him. basically your mum is sellling her soul for sex with him therefore she is not prepared to do anything.

be proactive and take care.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (12 January 2010):

If you don't have any money for expensive recording equipment, surely you have access to a cellphone with a recording function? Tape him whenever he speaks to you. MP3 players also have this function.

Also be brave enough to tell him that you have told the school that you are afraid of him doing something and they will investigate if he does anything funny.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010):

i will follow up my post by saying i agree with the recording idea. i think hard proof is what it wil take. good luck and stay safe. be careful, mal

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A female reader, Holli'  United Kingdom +, writes (12 January 2010):

Holli'  agony aunt Ok, that must of been so uncomfortable for you,

But don't worry, you need to make your mum understand, sit with her when he isn't at home and tell her you wouldn't make something like this up, tell her how akward you feel around him, and keep telling her until she listens to you, I f you mum wont help you, you'll have to do it yourself, there are millions of places you can call, think about the situation over once more, I'm not say I don't beleive you, I just read some of the other answers which said you could be slightly over reacting, if your sure the way he acted towards you is something to report, then do so, as soon as possible, don't let yourself be treated like that by him, he sounds a little strange, so don't wait to long if your mum dosen't understand within the next 3-5 days call somebody, a number isn't hard to find just brows the internet. Hope this helped, Good luck.

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A female reader, fishdish United States +, writes (12 January 2010):

fishdish agony auntI don't know if it's too late to really alert your mom again. It's possible she just interpreted this as a post-divorce/separation or new man in the house freak out, depending on how you presented it to her-how did you explain it to her? you can try again and say, I really wish you would take my well-being into account when choosing your boyfriends. I understand and want you to be happy, but still believe that a mother should keep her daughter's wellbeing as a priority over love. I don't think it's too much to ask to have him not touch my upper thighs and feel like a piece of meat in my own house. I would request to never be left alone with him, and, even though you're pretty old for this, request an [older or male] babysitter, because that may deter him from being on the prowl. if these aren't options, maybe stay at a friends' house when you'd be alone with him.

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (12 January 2010):

RAINORFIRE agony auntI doubt your mom will believe you it seems shes made up her mind on the issue, even if she beleieves you she wont admit it to herself, a parent should always believe there chils untill there given a reason not to.

I would set up a camera in the kitchen living room any where public where he may try something bathrooms and bed rooms off limits exept your own.

Hard evidence is what you will probably need,

He may be just testing the waters to see how frendly he can get with you, Youve made it clear your not going for it he might back off.

As for the staring well your sixteen if he likes your mom trust me he thinks your 100 times hotter, he cant really help that, but touching is a no no.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010):

girls your age do tend to dramatize every male glance and touch...the many teacher post on here make that very clear. I would be very careful about accusing someone of something that could potentially ruin his life. Could it be that you are just mad at him? I have seen it happen. If it is exactly as you described, you should tell him to back off. And if he doesnt you should involve an adult that you trust.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010):

Buy a small digital recorder, one that is shaped like and in pen they sell them at places like Walmart for around 20 to 35 bucks, I think Best Buy has them as well.

Keep it with you everytime you are alone with him in the house, like put it in a pocket or lay it down near and under your dinner plate.

He will slip up again and say something inappropriate or he will touch you, then you need to give him very clear directions not to do that again, and trust me he will react and say something.

Let your Mom hear the recording, take it to the police and report him or tell your Mom to get him out of the house or else you will take it to the authorities.

Be careful.. Most child abuse that happens around my parts of the country seems to be from a mother's loser boyfriend.

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A female reader, Brooklyngirl United States +, writes (11 January 2010):

Brooklyngirl agony auntI agree with CaringGuy!

Although your mom is probably in denial and doesn't want to believe it, you have put the thought in her head. She will be keeping an eye on him now. She will watch him carefully around you.

And by all means, if it happens again, or goes any further, tell her!

It's hard to accept the fact that your boyfriend is hitting on her little girl...let the idea sink in!

Be careful, and don't be afraid to tell!

Good Luck!

~BG~

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2010):

He's obviously making advances towards you now, so it's likely it will happen again. Make sure you tell him clearly you don't like it. As for your mum, she won't want to believe it, but if it happens again, tell her again.

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A female reader, heyitscarissaa United States +, writes (11 January 2010):

heyitscarissaa agony auntREPORT HIM!

Ive been in a very very similar situation, and luckily my mom believed me.

I would honestly bring it back up with your mom and if she still doesn't believe you, ask her if it takes him Raping you to believe you? That should wake her up...but YOU know what you saw and felt. Take it to the police. DO NOT wait for it to get worse. Trust me. Go to the Station or call, they will listen, tell them you feel unsafe and all that you are feeling, don't hide anything. They will help you, promise.

Don't wait for the creep to take action, then its too late.

I hope this helps you

Best wishes

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