A
female
age
51-59,
*race89
writes:I have never been real fashion trendy. I guess you can say i am more of a tom boy. I have wanted to be more style trendy since mom family is but i guess it skipped me. I am married and money has been tight so i don"t buy clothes for me unless i have to and alot of times or should i say 80 % of the time i wear my husbands shirts. I don't like how i look and i don"t like how i look in pictures cause i have really let myself go. And some things have happened that really wants me to change it and i want to feel better about myself and not have to depend on my husband to full fill my security need and want him and need him to tell me how he thinks i look. I have to give up on that wish cause i guess he did it when we were first married or tried to do it and i was insecure and i made him withdraw from saying that stuff to me but i have seen him tell his friends they are sexy and have a good sense of style and a lot of other things i would love to hear him say to me. Sounds weird and stuoid but i need to hear that now and then to help keep me motivated and positive. I really want to become sexy and stylish and comfortable with me. I am working out but i have had some surgeries and health issues that make it hard. I am a plus size right now and i hate how i look like this. Nothing against plus size people. I wish i was positive about me plus size but i am not. I have been told i could be a plus size model from a lady at the plus size store and that hurt my feelings and i didn't like that at all. Any ideas on what i can do. I am trying to do this by myself cause that is what everyone says it is up to me but it is soo much. I need fashion help soo bad can someone please help me get out of this fashion disaster i am in? I want to feel sexy and have my husband think i am sexy to and not be embarrassed by me. i will be as sexy as his model like friends and the other ones he is obsesses over. I need this so can someone please help me get started since my hubby wont?
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female
reader, grace89 +, writes (3 April 2012):
grace89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all the helpful hints. I have been working on what you all have said. Thanks!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 One way to start thinking better could be this: If you dress up at least you do look better than if you just wear your husbands old shirts. Right? So that's a start. You want to look better, then start admitting to yourself that you DO look better when you dress up in something feminine that doesn't belong to your husband.
And get that nice set of underwear. You'll be surprised by what a well fitted and sexy bra can do for you. Most women wear the wrong size! We often were them too lose around the back and a cup size too small. So get your size fitted (read up on bra size and start measuring yourself) and then find a proper bra for you. This is particularly important when you are larger and have bigger breasts.
As for that little voice telling you you are not pretty: next time tell it to shut up. You're going to dress up, you're going to wear something nice, and that little voice can take a hike. Make a decision to dress up, follow through, and GO. Do not go back to your safe-choice: the hubby's t-shirts. You know they are not going to make you look good. So just stop wearing them. Doesn't matter what else you wear, don't go back to stealing his t-shirts! Remind yourself that you'll look better in everything else that you pick!
Don't let the magazines overwhelm you. Start with one section at a time. Start with underwear. Then move on to trousers or bottoms. Then jackets or tops. Just pick ONE area to focus on at a time, and then your wardrobe will be pieced together by itself in the end.
You should start by going through what you already own. Use a critical mind, and NOT your "little voice" or negative thoughts. Use your intellect and critical mind and look at what you should keep and what you should fix, or what you should throw away/give away/store at the bottom of the closet.
You look the way you look whether you look at yourself in the mirror or not. There's little to do about that which will have an immediate effect. Continue to work out, but also realize what you look like and work it. You'll still look like yourself even if you try to hide away in boyish outfits. So why not look yourself in a feminine and stylish outfit?
Really, the clothes make the character in most cases.
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A
female
reader, grace89 +, writes (28 March 2012):
grace89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks i appreciate all you comments and it makes sense. I have been looking at fashion magazines and i have them mailed to my house but then i look at them and get so over whelmed and then when i try things on my eyes automatically look and see negative and how ugly and fat i look.
How do i get rid of that thought. I fell like i look like a guy. I think i would feel ok or deal with it better if i had a pretty face and fat but i don't and i don't see the pretty face. How do i stop the panic overwhelming attacks on myself and stop looking at the negative. I have done it my whole life i dont know how to stop
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Start reading fashion magazines and blogs. It helps you get ideas, and puts you in a fashionable state of mind. Target is great, I have trouble finding clothes at Walmart personally, but I love their Dansko for Walmart line (exercise clothing) and they have cute flats for around $7-$12.
A lot of plus size women make the mistake of thinking that they should hide their shape under super baggy clothes, but tailored things that cinch in at the waist will work wonders and make you look much more sexy. Big thick waist belts are your friend, same with blazers and wrap dresses.
I remember a magazine once did a poll where they took the same model (I believe she was a 2x), blurred out her face and hair, and put her in three different outfits. One outfit was baggy pants and a baggy shirt, another outfit was a mumu type thing, and the final outfit was a tailored sundress with a belted waist. They asked people on the street to guess her weight. The first picture people guessed at least 40 lbs heavier than she was, the middle picture was about what her weight was, and the tailored thing they guessed a huge amount less. Everyone was shocked she was the same model on the same day, and the final picture she looked super sexy (I wish I could find you the article).
Consignment stores can be great if you go with a tough (meaning honest) friend and have a good sense of what fits/what's in style. Consignment stores will have less low quality or ruined stuff than thrift stores, but it will be somewhat more expensive. I have gotten some amazing things at Goodwill for pennies too, such as a Saks 5th avenue cashmere sweater for $3, a $400 pair of shoes for $10, a leather jacket for $15, and some other very nice things for next to nothing. It's just important that you do not get caught up in the cheapness and start thinking things are OK if they don't fit because they're so cheap. My bf does this and winds up with pants that are too small and short. The Salvation Army frequently gets things that are overstocked or damaged from Target, brand new with tags as well. Usually shoes and housewares, but they do get clothes sometimes.
For heels (and shoes in general and purses and sunglasses and belts), I love Marshalls and DSW!
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 read these blogs to
http://voices.yahoo.com/top-ten-blogs-plus-size-fashion-bbw-63766.html
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 March 2012):
 You got great advice. Target, dresses that cinch at the smallest part of your body (the waist, usually), classic black stilettos, learning to accessorize, getting a new haircut, working out, reading fashion magazines...
As I have found with heels, that's one place where more money can mean more comfort. So go to places like TJ Maxx or Ross or Nordstrom Rack and find better quality shoes for a lower price. Cheap heels can be made from cheap material that makes them really torturous to feet.
I recommend watching the show "What Not To Wear". It's great, and has completely turned around my fashion. I wasn't looking too shabby before, but now? Now I feel confident, know how to shop for my body, can recognize what's flattering and what isn't.
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 March 2012):
SVC: everyone can pull off heels unless they have weak ankles or a back problem that prevents it. And if they do, they can wear the heels sitting down ;) Most heels are made for sitting in anyway, not walking in, haha!
Really though, there was this woman in the newspaper here not long ago. She was in a wheelchair since both her legs had been amputated when she was younger. And now she was starting to train to walk with new protheses. But the reason I bring up this story is that one of the things the woman was MOST happy about was that with new protheses she could put on SHOES. And more specifically: high heeled boots that she loves. She couldn't walk in them. And they served no purpose as she was still in her wheelchair. But she had her protheses on and her high heeled boots on, and she looked fabulous.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 March 2012):
shop online then you can view at leisure so finding bargains that suit your purse & body
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1298090/Goodbye-Size-Zero-Plus-size-designer-fashion-finally-makes-debut-courtesy-U-S-department-store.html
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Chigirl is 100% correct.
I could never be a model, plus sized or otherwise... just not that pretty or photogenic.
and yes to heels if you can pull it off... I wish I could.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): Simple: GEt a couple of magazines and find pictures of outfits that you like. Buy those outfits that you like (and I mean the whole outfit). Save the original picture of the model in the outfit and put this neatly in a binder under the relevant heading (i.e. formal, casual, date-night, sexy ect) As your wardrobe grows you'll have more and more 'ready made outfits' and can start to mix-and-match to get more out of them. Keep an eye on colours that match or work together in your magazines/catalogues (cut out and keep in 'Colour coordination' section of your binder).I'm not overly keen on fashion but I used the above method and people tell me all the time that I'm the most fashionable/great dressed person they know. I couldn't pick out a great outfit from scratch if my life depended on it but over the years I've built up two think binders of 'looks' that work for me and people will never know I'm not a fashion guru! ha :)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 March 2012):
Referring to So Very Confused's advice on stores: I bought a cute summer dress as Wallmarts actually. And lovely shoes on Target, when I was in the USA. Both real cheap (I think the dress was 12 dollars and the shoes 20 or so?). Just to say that yes, they do have nice things at cheap stores. If you have an eye for what to pick it's no problem finding a treasure among the cheap things. Just read the magazines and learn what to look for.
And if you don't have one already, get a black dress. A black dress goes for every occasion.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 March 2012):
"I have been told i could be a plus size model from a lady at the plus size store and that hurt my feelings and i didn't like that at all."
I think that was meant as a compliment to you. You might be plus size, but you are a beautiful and photogenic plus size.
If you want fashion tips the place to go is fashion magazines. I am sure there are magazines out there with fashion specifically for the plus size women. Or check out online magazines. Google celebrities with a size similar to yours and see what they are wearing. The key to good fashion sense is to be aware of how your body looks and what clothes fit you and what doesn't fit you. Being fashionable isn't really about following the latest trends. It's about following a style that is modern, yet suited to fit YOU and not everyone else. Not everything that is "in fashion" suits everyone. However, take a look at what's on the catwalk and what's the latest clothes in the nicer stores (or even H&M will do, they follow trends quite well). Then draw your inspiration from there.
If you are good with sewing you can re-make some old clothes you have hanging to make them look better on you and more interesting.
Your hubby won't help you with fashion. Men don't do fashion. Find yourself a girl friend instead who loves shopping and fashion and have a make-over with her. Get yourself a full sized mirror if you don't have one, so you can check out your entire outfit before you head out the door.
And wear high heels and sexy underwear. It's a must. If you are not comfortable or used to wearing the highest of heels start with smaller heels. But get yourself up in the air with high heels! No more running shoes or flats. Especially the larger sized women look great with high heels. They tone up your legs and thighs, makes your legs look longer, they make your butt perk up, and they make you look like a feminine woman. Buy some good quality high heels next you can afford to. There should also be tons of second hand shoes out there, which you can get real cheap, but still have high quality. Avoid plastic shoes, get some in leather if you can as they adjust to the foot better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
Have you looked at any of the fashion magazines geared to woman of size such as MORE?
I also find REAL SIMPLE magazine addresses plus sizes.
I used to be plus size (size 26 petite if you can imagine)
and there are lots of stylish sexy things available out there both in stores (Catherines, Romans, lane bryant) all come to mind.
Department stores also have nice things.... Macy's and Kohls were good ones for me... and if money is a problem I kid you not but check out Walmart...
do not buy stuff that is tight.. buy stuff that fits...
start with good foundation garments I loved the Bras at Lane Bryant... comfy with decent support...and PRETTY with matching PANTIES... to be honest even if I wear jeans and a tee shirt... the bra and panties underneath match and I splurge on new panties about twice a year...
also to save money walmart again has nice stuff....for budget minded folks.
get a few cheap pretty nighties to wear to bed... don't sleep in old tee shirts or sweats...
go to the makeup counter at a department store for a free make over
treat yourself at walmart again to some cute workout clothes in your size... helps you feel good about working out... defines the times etc...
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