A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 21 and have been with my current bf for over two years. about six or seven months ago I found a questionable email in my bfs email. it was dated at least two years prior to meeting him and it was from a guy in the email my bf asked this guy to send him some pictures, and in the next email the guy did and they were nude pictures and it was titled happy valentines day baby. I never did bring this up to my bf mostly because i am embarrassed, and im not sure how to address thi type of situation. so recently i found out that my bf has been in contact with the same guy, and lied to me about it. The today I found his xtube account which his preference is set to gay. So i maybe asking the most stupidest question, but is he gay? and how should I come out and ask him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (12 June 2012):
 The fact that you felt the need to snoop through his e-mail is your intuition throwing up red flags. Now he's not being truthful with you...that's grounds for ending the relationship.
Without communication there isn't trust and once there's lies, it's hard to understand what's really going on.
You deserve better and you don't need this kind of drama.
A
female
reader, here-to-hear  +, writes (10 June 2012):
I agree with Daisy_Daisy. If he's not gay then he's probably bi-sexual. He could be gay and feels too self-conscious or embarrassed to come out, or is scared about how family and friends will react and is there for trying to cover up by going out with a girl. A lot of people find it hard to reveal that they are not straight. The fact he is lying to you about this guy is only going to destroy your trust and eventually destroy your relationship. So you need to talk to him. If he is just bi-sexual and not gay, then his old tryst with this guy doesn't mean that he doesn't or can't love you, or that he is being unfaithful now. You've got to make the choice of whether or not you feel comfortable in a relationship with a bi-sexual and whether you trust him. I have a feeling that he's going to be embarrassed by you bringing this up and will probably become defensive and agitated and it may lead to a very heavy confrontation, so if you want to remain in a relationship with him then I'd approach this very gently.
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A
female
reader, MyDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Well, if he functions sexually and romantically with you as well as finding males attractive then it's possible that he is bisexual. If he is cheating on you with other males over the internet, then you can do better and I would leave him.
However, if this was all dated years ago, are you sure it wasn't a phase he was having when he was younger? Sometimes people are uncertain of their sexuality until they are of about your age. I would most certainly talk this through with him and discuss your concerns, in no way try to embarrass him or he will instantly put his guard up, talk calmly and make sure he knows he can trust you, so you two can talk through your concerns.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (10 June 2012):
 yep sounds as if he is bisexual.
Yes i would definately ask him! communication is key.
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A
female
reader, Miss Johnson +, writes (10 June 2012):
 He is bi sexual. And this is not healthy for you at all hun! You should have broke it off when you found the nude picture from a guy. You should not ask, you tell him calmly that you know and you have evidence also how you feel. You do not want to give him any chances to lie to you. You need to leave him. You do not know if he slept with this guy or been sleeping other guys while having sexual relations with you.You are a straight female you know what you want and it is not a man who is attracted to you and other men. I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Hmmm well he certainly sounds bisexual if not gay.
Do you think he's done anything physically with the guy or is it only flirting/ emails?
He's not being honest with you. That much is clear. He might be confused about his feelings if he's the same age as you (18-21). But you need to have an honest talk about it.
I don't know how you can bring this up with him without telling him about what you have found out. He might be pretty pissed off that you've been "snooping" but that's beside the point. You need to sort it out.
Good luck.
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