A
female
age
36-40,
*hoknowsnow
writes:I met a guy on tinder. It turns out that my brother has known him for 7 years. My brother told me he didn't see us as a couple but said that he's a good guy. I'd like to add that my brother is a recovering alcoholic himself and has been sober for 2 years.I've been on 4 dates with this guy and we have really great chemistry and we get along very well. I'm starting to like him and we have a very strong attraction to each other. He has told me that he used to have a problem with alcohol, had to go to rehab and has some problems with anger. He told me that he still drinks but not a much as he used to and feels like he has it under control now.My brother came over today and he confessed that he not only doesn't see me with this guys but that he doesn't like him. He said that he's a weirdo and is self absorbed. He also said that he has mood swings and will go weeks alone in his house isolating himself from people and that he has always having girl troubles. He is also concerned about his drinking and doesn't see how he could have been an alcoholic but drinks causally now.I don't know what to do. It would be dumb not to listen to my brother but I'm really enjoying spending time with this new guy. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 April 2016):
 Your brother is right, this man cannot drink casually, he says he has it under control, but he knows deep down I bet that when he drinks he does not know when to stop. Okay so he might not be drinking every day or every week, but I bet when he does he struggles to control it. If he was in rehab and is an alcoholic then he needs to avoid alcohol completely, the fact that he is not shows he has not changed.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (21 April 2016):
 I hope that you will consider very carefully what your brother has told you and also the advice that you are receiving here on DC.
I was married to an alcoholic. They are very difficult people to be around. They can be charming, funny and seem very nice until they go on a "binge" and their dark side comes out. They will lie, cheat, steal and do whatever they have to do to have their alcohol. Alcohol will turn the nicest person in the world into the biggest monster you will ever meet. In my experience, most alcoholics are mean and nasty, not the funny bumbling ones that are portrayed on tv.
Your brother is doing you a favor. When an alcoholic goes into rehab they should NEVER drink again because the pull is too strong to get them started all over again. This man can't possibly be recovered if he is drinking. They can't just be a casual drinker. My ex husband tried that.."just one drink"..and that led to 2, then 10 and then a 2 week binge.
The guy might seem nice right now, but you don't really know him. And mood swings?? Staying away from people...all very bad signs. Red signs are being thrown all around you my dear...heed the warnings.
I wouldn't consdier this man as anything more than a friend. You getting seriously involved with him could be bitting off far more than you can chew.
Please take it from someone who lived 10 years with an alcoholic that NEVER stopped drinking.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 April 2016):
 You brother speaks from experience, not malice. And that is why I think you should listen to your brother's advice.
While it IS your life, and your MISTAKES to make, why make life harder by getting involved with someone who has had quite a few issues? Of course he seems like a great guy, FOR NOW. It' only been 4 dates. Not too hard for ANYONE to hide a darker self so far.
I'm not saying you shouldn't date him because of his history of alcohol abuse and rehab, but because it is combine with anger issues and mood swings. To me that says he HASN'T dealt with all his issue. Rehab is a start, but not an instant fix or "cure" - HE has to do the work. And someone.... who had had problems with alcohol shouldn't be drinking it AT ALL. He might call it casual, but that can change in one instance.
Doesn't mean he i a bad guy, but it can spell disaster.
I would listen to your brother.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2016):
 as a woman married to an angry recovering alcoholic...
LISTEN to your brother...
spend time with him... enjoy it... stick around long enough and he will blow up at you and by then it may be too hard to walk away from the train wreck he is (and that he's hiding so well right now)
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (21 April 2016):
 Heed your brother's warning.
Problems with anger or alcohol on their own are a big red flag, but combined and a history of trouble with women doesn't bode well.
It's difficult to imagine him at his worst while he's on his best behaviour, but remember he was the same way with the women before you.
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